Just getting worse.

My Dad passed away on Christmas eve 2017 when I was 15. We had always had a turbulent relationship, but in the year leading up to his death we got closer than ever. He was admitted to hospital on the 12th of December and gradually went downhill from there. It turns out he had emphysema and had caught pneumonia which had rapidly eaten away at his lungs. We got the call that he was going to pass away at 5am on christmas eve and we raced to the hospital. He passed away crying, telling us he loved us and saying sorry over and over, he passed at 8am. The following days and his funeral were a complete blur and honestly when I recall any of it I feel sick like I cannot breathe and my lungs have filled with hot ashes. The years after his death have been more difficult that I could’ve ever have imagined. I was promised that it would get better and that time heals everything, but it hasnt and feels like it never will. Since he has passed it has been a series of events that I can only describe as excruciating. I have suffered bereavement after bereavement, family pets, family friends, my dads twin sister, and it has ripped me apart. My mom was diagnosed with cancer two days before Christmas eve a year ago and I have become a shell of the already lifeless person I was. Since my dad passed it has come to light thay I do not have any documentation, I cannot work, I dont have a right to live in the country Ive lived in my whole life, which is an extreme oversimplified version of the situation. I also found out that my mom has spent any and all of the inheritance that my dad left ro me and my sister yet i cannot bring myself to confront her because I am petrified of losing her too. It feels like my life is a cosmic joke and since this past fathers day I just dont know what to do. I cant see any positive changes coming my way no matter how hard i throw myself at the issues i’m facing. I know if my dad was alive none of this would’ve been allowed to happen.


Hello @Esbee ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and the multiple losses you have suffered since including you moms diagnosis, this must be truly overwhelming for you. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to discuss how you are feeling to your GP. You can make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,