Just going to lay my pain and heartache here! .

My grief started 4 years ago when I lost my gramps (who was like a dad to myself and siblings) looking back now I didn’t truly grieve for him and I certainly didn’t accept that he was gone until February this year when I lost my dad. My dad was a weekend dad(the way it was when my parents divorced many moons ago) but I always remained a daddy’s girl and now my whole life has been turned upside down as he’s no longer with me. You see my mum got diagnosed with cancer 2 years after her father (my gramps) died and we were all so concentrated on her and what she was going through (she’s still suffering now) that my dads death just came out of nowhere. I’ve never felt pain like losing my dad, anger because of how he died and deep deep sadness like I’ve lost myself. I spoke to him daily, I saw him every weekend but I have so much guilt, is guilt a part of grief? I don’t know but I got so many regrets and it’s killing me. I can’t accept that he has gone and every time I try I break. I know grief has no time limit but at the same time I don’t want to feel the way I feel anymore because I have 5 children that are very clever and notice that I’m not as happy as I use to be. This will be my first Christmas without my dad, my first Christmas without my dads home made stuffing (secret recipe) I can’t ruin my children’s Christmas especially the little ones so I’m hoping by talking and meeting others that are grieving too or are still grieving but are further along, I’m hoping it will comfort me or at least give me some guidance on what to expect.

Hello @KKdav84 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling confused and lost by your grief. I’m so sorry to hear about the multiple losses you have faced this is really very difficult for you. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,