Just got the first ‘finding somebody else’ comment

So my lovely husband Tony died on the 5th October and his funeral was on Monday.
Someone (she is very nice - not a bad bone in her body) said about me finding someone else ‘after all I have up to 50 years left’
She didn’t mean to be unkind / uncaring at all and my son pulled her up on it.
She did apologise, it just made me sad to think that no one can really get how we feel


I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re right people mean well. They are desperate to say something to make it all better but don’t understand that we haven’t just lost a husband or wife, some abstract role that can be replaced. We have lost a unique person who is the centre of our lives and always will be. There can be no replacement. Within a few days of losing Martin people started telling me ‘inspirational’ stories of people they knew who had been widowed and remarried. I think anyone who hasn’t gone through this sees that as they’re all better now. I quickly learned to laugh at it. People mean well and want to offer comfort. In the early days I felt I spent a lot of time reassuring others who were trying to console me. The best support just didn’t try to say something positive, they just let me be devastated with them.


That was so awful it was comical, how insensitive people can be. I was told to enjoy the freedom after 60 years of marriage.


I think people say things to try and ease our pain but it generally completely backfires.
I also had a friend say to me that I will meet someone else and I will have a happy future.
What they don’t understand is that I don’t want a future without my best friend and love of my life and them making comments like that feels to us as though they are minimising what we had. No one will ever understand if they have not been in our shoes.


I’m afraid she’d have been right on her backside in front of me! What a stupid, insensitive remark.

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Amen To That Jean8 :facepunch::sunglasses: