Just help please

Coping with bereavement
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I wrote the bio and that was such a chore.

I feel like a failure and can’t cope.

My little dog Olly died in October and the only reason I got through that was because of my partner but now they’re gone too.

I’m 32, I’d had Olly since I was 25 and I met my partner when I was 26.

The two most important parts of my life have gone within such a short space of time.

I’m absolutely shattered, I dream about them both and wake up sobbing most mornings.

I’ve spoken to GPs, been prescribed medication and beta blockers.

My family are amazing but there’s so much going on with them like cancer, Bipolar disorder, Osteoporosis etc. I can’t lean on them like I normally bwould.

I’ve spoken to the Samaritans a few times recently just because I’m overwhelmed at cooking a crappy meal, for myself. I use to have all of the family over for Sunday lunch.

I just don’t know what to do.

This is the first time I’ve posted in here. It’s been cathartic to write but I’m crying out and I don’t know which pink button to press!

Sorry if there are spelling mistakes, I’m a mess. I don’t even know if I can swear on here but that’s all I want to do!

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I’m so so sorry for your losses, this is so very sad. Here, on this site, you will find so many people who have lost., who’s lives have been literally tipped upside down by loss.

Sometimes it’s hard reading and mostly, it brings great comfort along with sadness, so much sadness.

The devastation, confusion and facets of grief and loss of life as we.oncw knew are profound, hard to navigate and understand.

However, what we must all.remeber is that as hard as it is, sadly, this is love with nowhere to go. It.rocks us.to.the core of.our being. Tests every part of us and most of.all, it is ok to be so profoundly lost and unhappy x

Its Ok to.feel.like.this, it’s evidence of our love, it’s real and.its damn harsh.

@Jbravouk Please please be kind and forgive yourself form your.current feelings, your sad.state is ok. Nothing can bring our dearest loves.back, we can only.keep taking tiny steps.forward knowing that we are capable.of the most important parts.of.us, our ability.to love…

Nothing I say will make.you.feel better right now.but please.trust that you will keep moving and you will, in.time.come.to terms, accept and.moveforward
.The sadness is here to stay and.you.will.struggle to.find yourself.

For.me, what is lost is every element of.contentment
My whole personality has been swiped but, I keep going because I.have to x

I suspect that these words are.not of.help right now, I am.24.weeks on from my loss and.my whole.mental physical soul is.rocked. However, there are hints of recovery from.the shock and trauma and I.fight through.every day because, I am.worth it, my life is important and.so is.yours x

With all.the love, keep posting, keep.reading but know that sometimes you have to stop reading and focus on.small.positve steps. For.me, I found it difficult to see other people’s.feelings, I lost my ability to see others pain and now, that is returning and I.see.thatbas progress x

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I lost my dad and brother in the space of 14 months and then my partner left me 12 months after that because she couldn’t handle my moodiness so I know how it feels to lose the most important things in your life, I also know how draining it can be to do even the simplist things such as cook a “crappy meal” even now 2 and half years after my brother died I still feel sick sometimes at the thought of having to cook, he was my best friend as well as my brother and we did everything together including supporting each other so I struggled to work out how to survive when the one person who could of helped me through it is the person who is gone, I have 2 sisters and my mum is still around but I don’t want to bother them as I know they are suffering as well.

As for what to do, do what ever feels right if you want to spend a hour crying when you get up in the morning do that if you want to go for a walk do that do what ever it takes to stop the pain for however short a time that might be but be prepared that at some point the pain will come back but know that it will pass again.

Eventually when the time is right you will be ready to live again when that will be I have no idea as I’m still waiting for it my self but what I do know is everyone is different.

Mike

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I’m so sorry for your losses @Jbravouk. I lost my mum four months ago and I frequently find myself overwhelmed by even small tasks like replying to text messages or having a shower.

I’m sorry you can’t lean on your family for support but I hope you have friends that you can reach out to. I’ve found that the friends that are there for you in times of bereavement can be an enormous help and support, even if all they do is sit with you while you cry or, on the better days, make ‘normal’ talk that just lets you have some company while you have the strength for it.

I wasn’t expecting to find a forum like this helpful but, in fact, I think it has helped me - being able to write out the things I might not even want to say to friends, or just write knowing that someone else on here will understand.

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I’m really sorry @Jbravouk . It’s just so hard and lonely…

How was today, are you still with us?

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Thank you so much for checking in @FleurDeLis and everyone else for your comments.

Today I felt like I had a bit of an out of body experience for a while. I just worked straight through the day then started doing housework for hours to try and keep myself busy.

I’ve had a few tears and sobs but then just thought ‘nope’ got to get back up and do something else.

I sat down and broke down again, wailing like it is going to help but for some reason I can’t help it. Luckily I’m in a detached house so no neighbours to disturb.

I’ve got an appointment with my GP on Monday because I can’t carry on like this. My partner would take care of the housework and I’d be the one looking after gardening and cooking so I really feel like that’s been progress.

Thanks again for asking and sharing stories with me. I somehow feel less alone being able to post to people online and know there’ll be support and not judgement.

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Your words moved me very much @Cinders21.

Thank you for posting your message, I really appreciate it.

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Hi @Smeats,

Thank you for your message. I was at a huge low last night but I’ve been better today.

I can’t describe how things seem to just come out of nowhere. I get so anxious sometimes I have to leave work and hide in bed, or close the curtains like a child.

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Hi @Mikeybude42,

Thank you for your message, it helped me a lot.

I’ve replied to a few other messages tonight and I wanted to make sure each one is unique and doesn’t seem like a copy and paste answer.

I’m sorry to hear of your losses too, I’m just at such a low place generally at the minute. When I get these out of the blue pangs of utter desperation I worry about myself.

I still had my morning cry, looking though photos of the three of us and at various family events over the years. I did manage a full day at work and other things to keep myself busy.

Thanks again, it really helps to know there are supportive people online!

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Hi everyone,

I just wanted to post here to give an update.

I’ve been a lot better recently after a long period of ups and downs.

I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and a large part of that has been medication.

If anyone is worried about speaking to their GP for support, I just wanted to tell you that I’ve never had such an amazing experience with a GP.

My GP saw me and asked how to help; I instantly started to cry and my GP just kept telling me not to worry.

She listened to every word and expressed so much compassion and empathy. I was hesitant to start on medication but they’ve been a crutch.

They haven’t made me feel like a zombie or even feel like a different person; they’ve just helped me see that there’s always something to live for and not dwell in the sorrow.

I finally feel ready to start the journey of coming off the tablets and spoke to my GP about it today. She was a bit hesitant to agree because apparently lots of people find coming off antidepressants difficult during the autumn/winter months but I actually love autumn and winter so it’s not an issue for me.

Slow and steady wins the race as they say so it’ll be a slow process as I am on quite a high dose.

Thanks again for the kind words and support when I first posted here.

I was so close to the unthinkable and reached out to every website and phone number I could find.

I still have down days when I’ll cry and feel down but I know my partner would be telling me to keep going and that there’s so much to live for.

I’ll be sticking around on this site to help in the same way you all helped me.

You’ll never know just how much.

Love to you all and thanks again.

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