Hi… I stumbled upon this community while seeking for a bit of comfort online.
My mom passed away not even 24h ago, I am in pieces. It’s just me (24yo) and my 19 year old sister. We are Portuguese, my mom came all the way to wales with me 5 years ago to help me fulfil my dream of doing my uni abroad.
I feel so extremely overwhelmed, I am trying to stay strong for my sister. But all the things I need to take care of… I never even been to a funeral let alone plan one, and why are they so expensive??
I was doing okay in the last few hours but now everything has come crashing down and I am struggling to even exist properly. My sister seems to be doing okay, I think she is in denial which worries me.
Just the sheer amount of things to take care of is making this whole process a lot worse. I just miss her so much, f cancer, taking away my mom so fast after giving her such an unfair fight.
Thank you for listening/reading what I have to say, any advice on how to handle it is welcome and I hope your grief also gets easier
A very big hug from a fellow Welsh lady. I lost my mum Dec 30th and her funeral is next Monday. I really feel for you because I am going through the same. Have you managed to find an undertaker yet or someone who can advise you what to do next. I had an undertaker who my mum knew well so he guilded me through the whole process. You need to find out costs etc and decide what sort of funeral is if that is what you want I believe there are many options. For me I chose a church service then cremation. You have so much to organise that it is overwhelming and so so upsetting. Take your time in planning the funeral and do it at your own pace so you have time to organise everything.
I struggled terribly for the first few days and didn’t want to be here at all. I just wanted to go with mum. I know that is not what she would have wanted me to be like but nothing helps the awful sorrow and pain
Keep posting on here because people on here will reach out and help you.
I will look out for you ok and am here if you need anyone to chat to
Deborah x
First all of all I am sorry for your loss. It really isn’t easy. I haven’t managed to find an understated yet, she passed away at the hospital so I contacted the bereavement officer who told me I would soon get two calls, one for registering and another I am not really sure for. At the end of the day I know mom would have wanted us to spend the least money possible, given that the situation we were left in is all new to us (she paid most of the bills). But the family pressure of asking me if they will be able to see her or if they can go to the service is overwhelming. All I want is a direct cremation and then scatter the ashes back in portugal whenever I can go there. I want her to be celebrated in our own way, intimate. Mom was not religious and I don’t think she would have wanted a service. I personally don’t want to see her body as the time at the hospital was already traumatising enough. I am struggling to tell my aunts and uncle this. I don’t mind if they want to see her or have a service if they are willing to pay for it, I just know mom wouldn’t want us to waste our own money. Mom things…
I am sure what you have planned for your own mother will be a good way to celebrate her life. I am on the same boat as you, just want to go with mom too, thankfully I have my sister to look after which makes me a bit more grounded. It’s “nice” to talk with someone who is going through the same. I am here if you also need to talk, would love to keep this convo going, you sound like a nice person.
Hi Gigi,
Aww thank you so much for your kind words I too had fussy relatives wanting to see mums body Mum would have ben horrified so i just said it was her wish not for anyone to see her after she passed and told the undertaker so he was aware so said no if anyone rang him.Do what you want ok not what others want Its you and your sister who matter now ok . Be strong and say its what your mum said she wanted. Do a direct cremation and organise a quiet get together at a local beach or something like that with a bring your own picnic or nibblies. Watch the sun setting if the weather is nice or wait until you feel strong enough to do something on maybe a special day. A friend of mine did that and it was beautiful. Everyone gathered at a beach in Pembrokeshire called Newgale Beach and watched the moonlight and just had a moment of silence , went for a beach walk and had flasks of hot coffee and sandwiches. It was just beautiful. You could also do that when you go back to Portugal. Even if the weather is dreadful you can still all stay in your cars and meet at a central point and get together that way
Its so raw for you at the moment so just take small steps. Look after your sister who really needs you to be strong
When you go to register your mums death at the registrars office they will help you. It was very distressing for me because it was all so final and the reality of it all sank in and i just burst into tears there. I am sure there must be financial help if you find yourself struggling so ask the hosp or the registrar for who you contact. I dont know much about direct cremations but if relatives are allowed just let your relatives go. Give them the date time and place and thats it. You could always just do a simple tea at your home if its possible rather than a hotel etc
I went to see my mum at the chapel of rest and it was ok. Sat with her for approx 1 hour. I look back over photos of her when she was ill in the last few weeks and they comfort me so much especially when i am very upset and there have been many nights when i cant do anything but cry my heart out.
Tonight my job is selecting photos of my mum so i can put on display at the funeral tea. It is so hard though because she truly was beautiful when she was younger and so fashionable bless her.
Keep strong Gigi. I am here for you so post whenever you want to ok . i shall check again tom
Deborah x
Hi Gigi how are you getting on.Been thinking of you a lot.Been overwhelmed with my own grief as it was my mum’s funeral on Monday and the build up to it was so upsetting along with the day.I am just devastated tired out and so sad.I can’t see anything but sadness in my life for such a long time now.Dont know where to start trying to move forward.How are you getting on with everything Have you managed to get advice x Am here for you so keep in touch Will check back on here later
