Louise i am very sorry for ur loss. I can only imagine rhe pain u r foing through. I have been there and i know the hirrible feeling of loosing a first degree relative… The pain is out of this world… When my twin sister was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer at 45 i started grieving silently. Like yu said the anxiety of scan results, the fear and pain of lising ur loved one is dreadful. My beloved twin sister has chemo and surgery But sasly passed away after 18 months . Its bn 6 months and the pain doeant get easier. I still cry everyday…i feel people have moved on and so should i but i simply cant
I am dreading xmas bcos we always spend it together… We were sisters and best friends . I never had counselling … I dealt with it my own way …being strong around people and breaking down whn am alone… I will remember you in my prayers for God to console you and make ur pain bearable … Crying helps
Stay blessed.
Ignore the typo.
Couldnt see through my tears
Thank you for replying Herty. You are clearly going through utter agony - I am so sorry. Can I ask why you haven’t sought counselling? x
Hi Louise,
I’m so sorry to hear this, I know you feel like your the only one in the world who feels this way right now but I do completely understand how you feel. The first five days after my mum passed I didnt eat, drink anything. All i did was hold onto my cardigan that I hugged her in the night before clutching for her smell on it anything that she touched I held close by. Everyone who came to visit I begged them ‘to go get my mum’ all the while I did not cry. I was terrified of the moment that it would hit my world would come crashing down. I’m not going to lie the moment does eventually come, it took 3 weeks for me. I made myself some dinner and grabbed the phone to ask a simple question like ‘can I cook some mince I bought from frozen’ silly I know but my mum was my go to, I asked her everything. At that moment I knew my life had changed forever. But I can assure you, you do get through it and as much despair you feel when your crying of ‘what am i going to do without her’ you do start to feel slightly better once its all out. Until the next episode. But that’s what I’ve learnt of my now 2 months of grieving. Whats worse is you feel as if you want to wear a hat with it on as many people may forget. I was in a coffee shop with my friend and she couldn’t get signal on her phone, she said ‘I’m just going out onto the street, I need to call my mum’ I said ok. It was then I realised I was alone in a coffee shop waiting for my friend who was calling her mum. The feeling of loneliness was indescribable. It set the catalyst to my mood for 3 days. Each day is a hurdle but you will get through. You’ll probably know that you will dream alot, very vividly. These days are usually the worst. But I’m here, were all here. You are not alone, please please remember that. I am always here to talk. xxxx
Thank you sarah86 - I think you are amazing, you are going through the pain yet still take time to give help and advice to others. Thank you for sharing your personal experience xxx
Hello all of you, I hope you are ok and coping with the festive season as well as you can.
If anyone is in need of any extra help over the holidays, I’ve just posted a guide to which support services are open when: https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/where-get-support-over-christmas
And, of course, keep posting here if it helps.
Hello Sarah, Laney, Herty, Louise and everyone on this conversation.
I just wanted to check in and see how you are all doing. How did you all cope with the Christmas period?
The latest discussion on the site is about people’s hopes for the year ahead: https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/what-are-your-hopes-2016
I know that the year ahead will be looking difficult for all of you, so we are talking about the small things that would make it that little bit better. Perhaps you hope the happy memories will start to return more than the sad ones, or are aiming to do something special in memory of your loved one?
If anyone has something to share, please do pop over and add yours.
Hi Sarah, I noticed your last post was from last dec? Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your mum I too lost my mum may 16th and it washer funeral today. If eel very weird at the momment it feels so unreal like you I’m in the denial stage but also deep heartbreak and despair. I related a lot to what you said about how lose you were (still are) to your mum. Me and my mum were so so close such a special bond peas in a pod. I just dont see life without her just typing that doesn’t seem real it’s like another world a painfully nightmare. The pain is gut reaching . I just feel don’t wana live without my mum I like you don’t have children my mum was my world. I’m so exhausted writing this I intensely cared for her for 7mths and the last 3 were intense it’s crippling seeing your mum deteriote daily. So painful. We lived together so now I’m just so alone and like you mentioned denial means it still hasn’t full hit me and I’m terrified when it does. I just want mum. You lost your mum last year so I am wondering how you are doing now and how you are coping ? I hope you are doing as well as you can at this awfull time and I send you my thoughts and prayers. With love. Tray x
Hi Sarah, I am very truly sorry for your loss, on the 19th of May, my mum passed away, very unexpectedly, she was violently sick for about 30 mins prior to going to the hospital, after a doctors’ recommendation, where she we discovered was having a heart attack which they corrected with drugs, then during the course of the next few days she had a stroke, they did more tests and it was found she had a cancerous brain tumour. So, God rest her soul, she was taken from us, after 13 days in hospital under heavy sedation she passed away, at peace and in no pain.
It is like someone has taken a wrecking ball to my life, she was my best friend, confidant, advisor, and my guide. She was everything to me and now I cant hear her voice, see her smile, kiss her, tell her how much I love and miss her or help her with her Ipad,
So I am also still in shock, it doesn’t seem possible, it seems like someone else’s life or an elaborate hoax or bad dream, I cry at the smallest thing, I don’t know how I am going to get through the next day, never mind the next week, But I know I have to, and yes like you I want to join her, I miss her so much, she was quite the most extraordinary person, she was everything all in one.
Please you need to go on, strength will come from somewhere, and I believe your mum is looking down on you too and she is willing you on, they are guiding us both, helping us to come to terms with their passing, if you need anything at all drop me a line on here I would be only too glad to help, anyway I can. Please stay strong, and if there is someone to share your pain with please you need to let it out, even if you end up in a big heap, it will help I promise. I am here if you need to talk With deepest sympathy Paul
Sarah
I feel your pain. You can sympathise when somebody looses their mum but when it happens to you it hits you like a ton of bricks. I lost my mum September 15. She was my shopping partner my agony aunt basically she was my everything. Nothing will ever take away the pain you are feeling but for me I have to keep busy and keep thinking what mum would say if she knows I’m upset. Our angel mums would not want us to feel this pain. But I’m here if you need to chat. My thoughts are with you and know I have had the courage to post on here I’m sure we will all find comfort in each others thoughts xxx
Hi Sarah, yes it really hurts, it feels so strange like someone has dropped me into someone else’s life. It feels like being hit with a sledge hammer, not real, living nightmare. Yes, I can feel your pain, the tears seem to come at weird, unexpected times. No, nothing will ever take the pain away, but, in one way, I don’t want to lose the pain, but at the same time I really wish it wouldn’t hurt quite as much.
My mum was exactly the same, she would cry because I was, she would hurt whatever my pain was physical or emotional, she would hurt and do anything to help me not hurt. I have to keep busy too, keep doing my job to the best of my ability, make her proud, be smart, keep on top of my house, be kind to everyone, and do my best, she was my soul , my best mate, my friend and my mum and whole lot more.
Your right, our Angel mums now sit at the right hand of God Himself and would not want pain for us, infact they would say, come on, what is the matter with you please stop crying, we are fine, so stop worrying. My thoughts are with you and yours at this sad time, but please take some of my strength for now, and know I am here for you as a shoulder and an ear if you need, or when you need. Please if you need anytime you need drop me a line on here, or if I can and you need to talk my mobile is [edited by moderator], Nothing will ever stop the pain, but we will learn to deal with it somehow. Our mums are in spirit and I firmly believe looking down on us and when you talk to them everyday, the more you talk the more you realise they are with you, perhaps you will even see some lights or feel a draft, and that is your mum, being there in spirit to console and comfort you, just to let you know all is well, and they hold you close even that side of life.
I am here when you need to talk May Gods peace be with you and yours now and always Paul
Hi Sarah,
I feel like I could have written your post myself. I’m 29 too and lost my mum very suddenly in February. Every little thing you said I can totally understand and relate to. Like if I’m upset and someone asks me what’s wrong… I just want to scream at them that my mum’s dead. I cry every day in the car on the way to work… I guess it’s the only time I’m ever really alone so my mind goes into over drive. Not sure if we’re allowed to swap email addresses or Facebook pages on here but would love to talk more? Xx
Hi Lauren,
Welcome to the Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the sudden death of your mum. I see that you really related to Sarah’s post, and I hope it has helped a little bit to know that you aren’t alone with the feelings you’re having.
For your own privacy and security, it’s not a good idea to post your email address, social media profile or other personal contact details on the forums - remember they can be seen by other users. If you’d like to send another member a private message, click on the little envelope next to their username. See your private message inbox by clicking on the envelope with a number next to your username and profile picture (top right on a desktop computer or top of the page on a mobile).
If you need to talk, you could also contact theCruse Bereavement helpline on 0844 477 9400 to speak to one of their bereavement support team.
If there’s anything I can help with, just let me know, or email community@sueryder.org.
Priscilla
Sue Ryder community manager
Hi Sarah,
I am so sorry for your loss and I completely understand where you are coming from! I lost my mum nearly three weeks ago from phnomonia and I am really struggling to come to terms with it, we only had her funeral yesterday!
I am 41 and my mum was 66 years old, I know I’m older than you but I feel the same way as you. I don’t have any friends that have lost a parent yet and I don’t feel that they can fully comprehend it. I was just the same with my mum, she was my best friend and she would always know what to say. I don’t know how I will move forward without her. I am very lucky to have a loving family so I know they will pull me through but it’s not easy. I have two teenage children and she was an incredible grandma to them but I can’t help grieving over what she will miss out on seeing them do. She would of loved to see them grow up and have families of their own but it’s not going to happen.
Joanne