Just lost my mum.

I have never felt emotions so strong. I was diagnosed with BPD at the beginning of the year and I was managing to cope. I lost my mum suddenly on 30th August - her death is being treated as ‘unexplained’ and is subject to a coronial investigation. Each night I literally howl the house down. I cannot explain it any other way. I simply do not know how to cope. I am trying to be there for my dad and my kids but I am disintegrating more and more. It all feels out of control.

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Hello @GemCR10,

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. It sounds like you are trying so hard to be strong for your dad and children, but that you really need some extra support for you right now.

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If you feel like you’re not able to keep yourself safe, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline. If you’re already under a mental health team, please do reach out to them to explain how you feel that things are out of control.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please get in touch with one of these services.

Take good care,

Hi, so very sorry for the loss of your mum. It’s a terrible loss. I lost my fit and healthy mum unexpectedly nearly 10 months ago. In those early days, I honestly thought I would die from the pain. I couldn’t cope. People said it would get easier but I really couldn’t imagine it would. It was unbearable. I can promise you it does get easier. The pain starts to ease. I will never stop grieving for my mum. I think you learn to live with the grief being part of you and you do adjust to that. I promise you will be able to find joy again. The howling is healthy as you are releasing the pain. Let it out when it needs to come out. Cry, scream, shout do whatever you need to. Sending you love and thoughts. Helen xx


@GemCR10 sorry for the pain of your loss. So devastating to lose a parent suddenly and unexpectedly. This also happened to me back in January and it has been a very difficult year full of grief and sadness. Know that you’re not alone, there are a lot of us trying to get through this pain. What you’re suffering sounds entirely normal. Don’t have any expectations of yourself, just take it as it comes. Try to build a simple daily routine so that it feels like you’re more in control. Keep eating and get fresh air as grieving is exhausting and you need to keep some physical strength otherwise you end up feeling worse. Seek professional support if you need it. Above all, just give yourself time. Take care xx