Just lost my mum

I lost my Mum 5 days ago, it was so unexpected and horrific how she passed away and I’m not sure if I can ever carry on without her in my life.
My Dad died 12 years ago, I lived with both parents up until then. After Dad’s passing it was just Mum and I. I had relationships but nothing serious enough to move out so we were together all the time. We even worked together up until Mums retirement. We spent covid together and I cherish all the times and memories that we had together.
She was diagnosed with arthritis just after covid and I became her carer, I loved helping her and looking after her, I had a purpose. I carried on working full-time as well as caring for Mum and it didn’t leave me much time to do anything else but just as long as I had Mum it didn’t matter to me.
Just before Christmas she was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus. She lost so much weight but we had hope when she started treatment in February. She finished her treatment on the 8th of March and it was rough but she started improving.
2 weeks ago she was struggling to breathe and got admitted to hospital with a pulmonary embolism, it was touch and go but she pulled through and was due to be discharged last Monday. I was at the hospital everyday and when I went to see her on Saturday she wasn’t well. I begged the nurses to get her a Doctor but everyone just ignored my pleas and left her. This went on from 9am until 1am the next morning with no help. She was begging me to help her and I couldn’t get anyone. She crashed shortly after 1am and the ICU brought her back but discovered that she had sepsis and internal bleeding. They tried to make her better for almost 2 days and she fought so hard until she couldn’t anymore. We lost her. I lost her.
I’ve tried to carry on, knowing that Mum wouldn’t want me to be like this but it’s too much and I just wish I could be with her and Dad. I know it’s only been 5 days but it is getting harder and can’t even think of tomorrow or the day after. I just don’t know what to do. I feel as though nobody in the family or my friends understand how I feel, nobody had the relationship that Mum and I shared.
When will this get easier? What do I do? I can’t stop thinking of the last few days with her.


I’m so very sorry, both for your loss and the horrible way you both were treated at the end. :heart: Much of what you write resonate with me. I lost my mum some years ago and after that it was my dad and I and we lived together. I lost him suddenly before Christmas. Five days is nothing, you’re still in complete shock. Don’t think ahead, focus just on getting through the day. You can divide it in parts even, first he morning and then the afternoon etc. Or hours. Keep posting here and read other’s stories, there are so many of us who understand. Sending huge hugs. :people_hugging::heart::purple_heart::heart:

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Thank you so much for replying. I’ve felt quite alone even though I’ve had people round me. It makes me feel better knowing that someone else knows how this feels. Does it ever get better? I can’t even think ahead xx

Glad you have people around you, though I know it can still feel lonely. When you’ve been so close to your parents it feels like your whole world has been overturned which can be difficult for others to understand if they haven’t been in that situation themselves. It’s still fairly early for me, but I can say that will go up and down, like a rollercoaster, and thinking ahead only makes you panic, so take each moment as it comes. If you like, you can message me privately here. I don’t know if I can give the best of advice, but I do know how it feels. :heart:

I am so sorry for your loss and completely understand how you feel. My other half left me when my boys were 2 & 4 and my mum was literally my lifeline. She died from cancer very suddenly and, after nearly 6 years, I am still really struggling. I wish I could offer you words of encouragement or peace but I haven’t fully found it yet. I am in a place where I try to hold on to the positives but the other stuff still gnaws away at me if I am honest. I think that I am just trying to be better for my children because her death was so traumatic for them. Sending you much love.

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Hi Shell9
Am so sorry about what happened at the hosp and about your mum. Similar happened to me at the hosp 15mths ago with my mum.
No words can help you right now and I completely understand.
It’s a cruel horrible time for you and it’s all heartbreaking.
You can only focus on an hour at a time. Don’t look any further. Set yourself little targets to get through an hour then another one and so on.
Try to eat a little and rest as much as you can. You need to keep as strong as possible to get through everything that had to be done now.
Keep posting on here as often as you need to. Make it a target for every day. People on here are truly lifesavers with their kind words of support.
Deborah x

Thank you for your lovely reply. Really struggling today, all my family are back to work today and carrying on and I don’t understand how? I really just wish I could wake up with my Mum here again. It feels like I’ve died too but I’m still stuck here.

Hi Shell9,
You will feel like this for a while, For me it was approx months before I finally stopped crying.
Grief affects everyone differently and even my own sister reacted differently to me which at the time was upsetting but after 15mths i have come to realise how different we all are. We are also so fragile and emotionally up teh creek so seeing people return to work and move on is very difficult.
Its small baby steps each day that you have to focus on and it is all about your own wellbeing now making sure you keep strong.
There is no right or wrong answer . We all deal with things differently.
Have you tried seeing your GP. Maybe that would help in the short term.
Just take one day at a time. Dont think about the day after or so on. Just get through a morning then an afternoon. Set yourself small tasks to do and even simple things like getting up, dressed shower, making food, sleeping , 5 min walk somewhere even in the garden.
I made an area in my lounge dedicated to my mum and put her photo , flowers candle, cross and her favourite items there and it helped me so much. You could write a diary to your mum. Do anything to get through each day the best you can.
Keep posting ok
Deborah x