I wouldnt take the flat then if you cant take your cat !!! Stay with your dad … tell them you dont want it. Thats what i would do anyway xx
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@Deb5 yea I just spoke to them and I said I’m not happy with this situation. At the moment, I’m pretending to be living in a flat that I’m not but I’m staying with dad until the house becomes available. Then I should just go back as normal.
I can’t believe my life - things seem to be unraveling so fast now I haven’t got Baz . I miss sharing the worries of life with him you know ? xxx
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I know it is i agee. Dunno if i want a proper date either yet . I prefer to be friends and see where it goes …and it is confusing i agree xx
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I know exactly what you mean … and its all on our shoulders too which i find hard too 
youre doing ok though. Dont take it if you cant take your cat … i wouldnt anyway xx
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Yes…
I went to church and apologized to her.
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@Deb5 because it’s much better than what they previously offered me I’m signing up for it but I won’t make a decision on moving in until the end of April. I’m going to know about the house by then - I’m just signing forms and moving my things in so I can protect myself incase anything goes wrong . It’s a mad idea I know but by the end of April they’ll have forgotten I even mentioned a cat 
.
I have to have a plan B now I’m on my own . Baz previously was the voice of reason. Now it’s just me I can’t think straight. My mind is often all over the place. Losing our men has such an effect and I’m having sleepless nights getting used to the reality of this xxx
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@Jimmy1975 if this makes you feel that you have righted your wrongs then I would just put it right out of your mind now . We all make errors of judgment sometimes x
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Aw … you didnt do anything wrong u know… you didnt betray her really its just that you probably felt guilty xx
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@Deb5 terrible isn’t it that our minds can make us think we’ve done something wrong when we haven’t . Guilt is something that tends to drive us mad but this scenario doesn’t need feeling guilty about XXX
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you are human. we all are foolish at times. you can apologize to the lady concerned and tell her that after six months, you were not ready.
one year is the standard timeframe before doing ANYTHING after grief but it is so hard to follow because we are desperate to fill a void. and then “fools rush in.”
remove yourself until you are healed. I know a woman, widow, who waited five years before dating the wonderful man she is with now.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself … it is not called the madness of grief for nothing. Just put it down to experience and be gentle on yourself for now x
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Thank you,each of you… kindest words…
I at one point blamed my wife…
If she hadn’t left me everything would be good.
I would be ok.
She was all I needed and all was beautiful and nice…
But I hate to believe I will never see her face , hear her voice , touch her skin…
And it seems I am on a self destruct path…that I can’t avoid.
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No youre not, youre human that’s all and you want someone to care for you. I think we all want to be cared for and loved. Just forget about it now if i were you. Its done now and nothing you can do is there? Are you still friends with.the lady or is it over ? Take care x
@Jimmy1975 Oh how I feel your pain.
My grief counsellor says there is no right or wrong way to grieve - it’s a totally individual experience. You are in a very vulnerable place at the moment (we all are) and, like us all, you just wanted to feel comfort, love, ‘normal’. If only for a little while. Rest assured on 2 things: you haven’t cheated (only in your head) and that your wife would TOTALLY understand.
Grief has many stages including guilt and anger, and we constantly cycle backwards and forwards through these, sometimes multiple times an hour, never mind a day. It’s all normal. You’re dealing with this normally. Just be gentle on yourself.
Realising how vulnerable we all are means we can prepare for certain things that are very much a danger. Not just being vulnerable to people taking advantage of us, but also to transference, which is when we (unconsciously) transfer our feelings, etc for our lost spouse to someone else (a friend, therapist or coworker). Again, it’s normal but it complicates things and is not the basis for a strong relationship because we’re not seeing that other person for who they are, but as a replacement. So, during your grief journey (which according to my therapist should apparently take 2 years but is individual) be on your guard around members of the opposite sex to prevent this.
It’s unfortunate that the lady is understandably upset about it but hopefully she gave you a chance to explain.
You made a mistake. We all do. We’re human. The purpose of a mistake is to learn from it and move on. Take the lesson and leave the rest behind. If we didn’t do this we’d never have learned to walk. We’d have just laid on the floor the first time we fell.
Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a huge hug. You deserve it and you are so worth it.
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