Just need a listening ear

Hi there. I never thought I’d find myself on a grief forum but after a disastrous day with my partner, here I am. I’ve read a few posts and wish I could give all of you the biggest hugs.
My grandmother went abroad for a few weeks and was due to return… only she didn’t. It came as a huge shock. I rushed out there for some closure and I’ll say it did help, but there was so much family drama (with one individual who had taken control of her finances, moved into her home and had restricted access to her under the guise of caring for her, we weren’t encouraged to visit so my gran was kept isolated) with her things already being dished out, comments being made about how I couldn’t possibly be upset so what were the tears for, I understand that she’s had a good life apart from the last few years but oh my heart… There’s so much more I could have done. I should’ve fought harder. Done more. Called more. She wasn’t tech savvy and I stupidly, stupidly allowed the fact that I didn’t get on with this individual to get in the way of calling my gran, because it had to be done through them. I still used to visit a few times a year but it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough.

I used to sleep in her room when I was little, I was so so close.
I got back from abroad and I hoped to be supported by my partner for the two days I’ve been here, he’s been on and on at me about his work stress (which is a lot) and when I’ve sat there crying because I can’t control it, he’s made comments about how I’ve now made his days 10x harder because he’ll have to be thinking of me. I’ve tried to put aside my grief to be there for him but it’s not enough and I’m not sure I can do it. I just wanted hugs and for him to listen but I’ve been made to feel so guilty. He’s been amazingly supportive up to this point so I know he’s genuinely struggling. I just don’t know how to be there for him. It’s a slap in the face because he’s supposed to be a “grief counsellor” yet just watches me cry and makes comments about his biggest downfall being the fact that he’s always there for others. It’s horrible. I was crying as he told me that his mum has COVID and that that’s another stress for him on top of work and me and I stupidly made a comment about it might not be that as she’d had it 5 months ago. He got his phone out, shoved it in my face and kept berating me while forcing me to look at a picture of a positive test. He kept on telling me off and I had a massive panic attack. I was glad he went off to work because I needed space from him.

Thank you all for reading. If anyone has advice, please comment or send me a message. Thank you so so much.

1 Like

I’m so sorry for you.
I don’t have any advice but I just want you to know that we are listening. Everyone on this forum is very supportive and caring.
Please know that we all understand because we are all going through the same.

Big hugs x