Met my partner 2 1/2 years ago we started off as really good friends at work became inseparable. Much to the annoyance of the managers they tried everything but could never stop us. We took the chance and became partners. He unfortunately lost his dad to cancer and I was support and safe place to go when things got to much. He then got returned to his original place of work and we couldn’t stand being apart so I moved into his home and it became ours. Some people might say ah honeymoon period it won’t last. How wrong people was! We went everywhere together and loved being with each other each and every day. We took a holiday just before March 2023 he had some snuffles and sneezes and thought of it till he became breathless and very tired. I demanded he go to hospital, we did and doctors said 48 hours later and he would have died from that day then he always claimed I saved his life. Shortly after this he was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis the double pneumonia had set something of in his body! He lived with it to start with but the disease became quite harsh and of June 2024 he was on long term sick from work. Boy oh boy no prepared us for the storm ahead. He was admitted again in July whilst I’m worrying about him my work place made me redundant. When he came home I decided I’d become his carer and just take part time work so I could still take care of him. Wish I hadn’t of bothered cos maybe I wouldn’t of missed the signs of him become ill with pneumonia again. I done my usual call him half way through my shift. He sounded bad couldn’t talk or catch his breathe. His family came round as I was unable to get to him and off they went in an ambulance back to hospital. By the time I got there he was in resuscitation room linked to oxygen, this wasn’t enough they can only provide so much so upstairs he went to iccu now we knew things were bad. I went on sick leave petrified of what was happening I couldn’t cope. They said he was very poorly and as he was very restless they couldn’t keep his sats stable. Off to an induced coma!! The most scariest moment of my life saying goodbye to him was very hard not knowing if he would come back. Just short of two weeks we received the news we didn’t want to hear “mam this is your partners nurse from iccu we need you to return to the hospital” off we went unfortunately he had contracted ventilation pneumonia and sepsis has taken over and the infection markers have sky rocketed and his organs are failing quickly. We had to say goodbye all over again. I was allowed to sort of lie next to him I looked at his eyes and told him to stop holding on let go baby you’ve done all the fighting you can! And just like that his heart stopped. We’re now two weeks later and I’m barely able to cope!! Doctors have stuck me on strong medication I know it takes time to set in but I can’t cope, all I’ve ever wanted was what I had and it gets ripped away from me. How do you get over this? how do you move on? Is it normal to want to end it all for yourself just to be with that person?
Toni - you are okay, you are in the trauma phase and you will be numb, confused, sad, sleepless, exhausted, scared, anxious, depressed and those are just the things I can name. It is a horror story that we now live. Almost as if we are in another dimension where time and space no longer make sense.
It has been 8 weeks and 2 days for me and I am still as lost as I was the first week. I know it gets better and that in 18 months you will be in a different place mentally. This does not last forever. If it did, we may as well have all died too.
But, we are here, we are staying, and we are figuring out how to live in this new life. It is not easy. None of it is easy, but we make it.
I live hour by hour. I do not think of the lost future, I will face it every day for the rest of my life. I make a list of 5 things I must do each day, do them, and check them off to show me that I am accomplishing something every day. It works. Try it.
Eat. You must eat. Likely, you have no appetite, but you must make yourself eat. Nibble all day. Get some sleep, if you can’t sleep - call you physician and get some medicine. We can’t function now, imagine how messed up it will be without sleep.
You will survive this. You are already surviving. Surviving turns into living again. Just not yet. Grieve your heart out.
Much love.
Minute by Minute acknowledge the pain allow your family to be there for you let them know what you want and need early days of your pain don’t rush and I am here to listen
You said "all I’ve ever wanted was what I had and it gets ripped away from me. How do you get over this? how do you move on? Is it normal to want to end it all for yourself just to be with that person?
Well i feel all of these things that you said and im sure im not the only one.I believe yes you do get over itbut it takes time How to move on,hour by hour and no further.All you wanted you had and so we want to go back to that so wanting to be with that person is normal.
It feels like im down a well/ hole in the dark with no ladder to climb out.People on here help enormously so keep sharing your thoughts. Hugs.
I try my best to reach out but feel like I’m just a burden on others like there going through it to, but then I sit on my own at night trying to watch the telly but nothings registering nothings going in then it suddenly dawns on me this is it this is my life now without the man I love. No more bear cuddles no more snuggles in bed no one to tell me I’ll be alright I don’t know how much I can take no more I just want my man back
My heart goes out to you, I lost my Steve 4 weeks ago we had his funeral on Wednesday. It was a lovely tribute to him…all his favourite music readings from granddaughters children and me. We were told by many afterwards that it was ’ the best send of they’d seen ’ But now its over I’m lost bereft and dont know how will put one foot in front of another. We were together for 52 years I was 17 he was 18. He was my life. My kids and friends are wonderful but Steves not here. I don’t know how im going to cope. Thank God for this forum I read every day, Much love to you all x x
Dahlia, I am so very sorry. Surely, it is especially awful to lose the one you’ve loved and have been with since a teen. Such a strong bond that lasted through everything life threw at you for 52 years. Surely, you feel like you were torn in two and I am sorry you are alone now. It really is awful, isn’t it?
My widowed friends assure me that it gets better. I have to believe them.
Much love.
You said exactly how I felt. The thing I always wanted has gone
All that we all want more than anything in the world is our ‘old lives’ back. 