Hi, I don’t even count the weeks or days since Brian died, it makes no difference to me. I miss him and love him and for me time means nothing my feeling remain the same.
2 Likes
Hi
Thanks it’s much appreciated.
Yes we must go on and I do try but last weekend was very difficult.
Take care William x
You are such a tonic cw. We think very much alike. Xx
1 Like
Hello William and all on this thread, So sorry you had a difficult weekend, and I hope the new week ahead will be better for you. Good to read the coping strategies of everyone. We all have our own way of coping even if we dont think we are coping. I think as it is now 14 months since my beloved husbsnd died I consider the fact that I am writing this I must have coped, so far! It is now twenty minutes into my late husband’s birthday, the second birthday since his passing. How I wish he was still here to celebrate. We always celebrated each other’s birthdays. Over the years the ways in which we celebrated varied from family gatherings, to theatre shows, dances, walking along a beach, or just sitting quietly with each other in our home, always giving each other a birthday card. Such a change now, I am sure our son and daughter will be remembering their father’s birthday, but I don’t know whether I will hear from them, their lives have to go on. Mine does too. I will pick some roses just coming out in bloom from a bush in the garden, together with mock orange blossom, and take them to his grave in the local cemetery. I’ll also put some in vases at home. The postman will not be dropping cards through the door, as in previous years. It doesn’t matter if nobody else remembers, but I do, and will do my best to bring a smile to my face at the memory of my beloved. If I am feeling positive enough, I will go out in the afternoon to a U3A meeting, where we were both members together at one time. I may or may not mention his birthday, depends who I meet! But in my mind, it will still be a special day, remembering my beloved husband of 59 years. We were indeed fortunate in having so many years together, and though it is difficult to be positive all the time, my precious memories help to keep me going.as my dearest would expect me to do. Hoping you all manage to keep your happy memories within your hearts. Deidre
Hi Deirdre, such a lovely post from you. I feel the calm of your acceptance and of course, the love. I hope you can have a day filled with the happy memories you speak of as you carry the spirit of your husband in your heart and soul. I’m thinking of you and sending you love x
Hi William, I am so sorry for such an unexpected death. The shock must have been awful. My husband died in January, also unexpected. I seem to feel worse as time moves on. Living alone escalates everything. My thoughts are with you. I feel as I have arrived on another planet.
Hi. Sandra. Yes, very important. Taking care of ourselves! Some may tend to neglect themselves amid all the pain. I found my appetite went when it all happened. I understand that’s normal. But we need to take care mentally as well as physically. Of course, everyone will find their own way, But I have given up watching movies on TV that contain disturbing incidents. Not reading books that are gloomy. So many things can trigger emotions and we all need to find what they are. I said the other day that going into the countryside is difficult for me. But do I stop going out? I could so easily do that, but I must not allow it to happen. Once we get in the rut of ‘not wanting to do’ then it can escalate into real problems. There will be days, and I certainly have them, where we do need to rest and take it easy physically. But how do we rest our minds. We can’t take it to the gym and leave it there!!! Relaxing CD’s. Good music, good company with those who understand, all can help. I doubt that in the early stages none of that would do much, but as we progress, and we will, these things can lift us up if only a bit. I said before ‘little bits’ all add up to ‘big bits’. Best wishes.
2 Likes
I so understand you when you say you can’t watch disturbing movies.i can’t bear to watch any upsetting tv which cuts out a lot of it! Seeing large groups of people also terrifies me. It’s 18 months since my mother died and I’m still not over it. I guess it is more time still…
Hi cw13, Thank you for your lovely message. My day, so far, has been almost as planned. A few tears came as I remembered previous times celebrating my husbands birthday. I later discovered it was the wrong Wednesday for u3A, meetings are fortnightly! However, I picked the roses and mock orange blossom from the garden, trimmed them suitably for the vases, and drove over to the cemetery, enjoying the countryside views on the way. Talking to my beloved I placed the new flowers on his grave and removed the faded ones. Took a photo of the floral arrangement. A couple were nearby also tending to their loved one’s grave. Came home after stopping at a supermarket to buy a prepared meal for myself, as my ‘treat’ for the day. The day may sound rather ordinary to some, but to me it was very special. Love, Deidre
1 Like
Quite simply, your day sounds very special Deirdre…xx
1 Like
Hi
Thanks for your support and I’m sorry for your loss.
I think I’m still in shock and some days are Worse than others.
I’ve spent all day working in my daughters new house which she hopes to move into soon and then I will be alone for the first time ever.
Take care William
Hi all. The simple things in life that we once took for granted and even called boring now have a meaning, that’s what I’ve found anyway.
When out walking last weekend I sat on a bench by the river. I was near the dingy park where we used to keep a dingy. Memories of us dragging it to the rivers edge and rowing to our boat came to mind. I cried of course but the memories were at last becoming happy ones.
Tomorrow I’m having my great grandchildren for the day, it’s the first time on my own. Another first and I could well be traumatised by tomorrow night.
1 Like
Jonathan, I am so sorry you find it difficult to go into the countryside. I am just the opposite as I draw great comfort in my walking and the nature around me. It calms me and acts like medication.
Like you if there is something I am struggling with then I usually try to push myself to do it. I get a buzz from succeeding. Last week I joined a work party at the allotment. I have struggled in the past, can’t cope with groups of people but last weekend I managed much better.
Looking after yourself is a must, more than ever. The body is struggling already. I was eating rubbish, abusing myself big time. But my body indicated that something wasn’t right and I put myself back on a healthy diet again.
Hi
You Will be fine with your great grandchildren.
What I find when I have my little granddaughter who is 9 months old is that the day flies in and I’m knackered. She brings me great joy.
Take care William
Thanks William. I was doing a reply and it suddenly disappeared, so it’s probably floating around in space now, so I will try again.
You are right I had a wonderful time with them. They are 7 and 10 yrs (he’s going on thirty). Thought they might be bored with their old Nan, however I don’t think I’m the most conventional grandma as I do keep busy with my interests.
We went to our allotments and I talked about the insects and their uses. The veg and how it grew. The strawberries had started so picked the first of the season, I think this was their favourite thing. We went to the cemetery, at their insistence so that they could say hello to Grandad Brian. We sat and talked about so many topics from Dairy products to Dinosaurs (Yes, honest). My grandson said he never managed to have long talks because his mum and dad who both work hard never had the time. They didn’t want to go home when their mother came to fetch them and told her she could go and they wanted to stay. Next time they will stay overnight. So a successful day. Thought I might be out of touch with kids but it seems not. Helped me no end…
Pat xxx
Oh Pat - it sounds a really lovely day. I am so glad for you - it looks like it will be the first of many.
Trisha x
Hi
Glad you had a great day.
Kids are a great relief from our grief.
I take my little granddaughter everywhere I don’t feel so alone when with her.
Take care William
Thank you Kate. I truly felt it was a special day. Deidre x
Hi William, how lovely that you find such comfort in your granddaughter. You will form a special bond with her, she will always be special to you. When my grandson was born his mother was ill and I looked after him for a while. When I married Brian I moved further away, only half an hours drive but I was used to having him on my doorstep. I had him at weekends and during holidays when I could get time off work. Now he is grown up and his ten year old son is like having my grandson back again. I am already planning their next visit. The walks I will take them on, the places we will go to, just as I did their father. I’m so looking forward to them coming and my dogs love seeing them.
Enjoy your granddaughter as they grow up all too quickly. Pat xxx
1 Like