Just so tired

One year ago today Margaret and I were in Dublin at a Bryan Adams concert with no inclination of what was to come. On the way back to the hotel after the concert Margaret took a pain in her side she thought it was a stitch and we both laughed and thought no more of it.
Two days later we were at A&E in Belfast with Margaret doubled in two with pain.
After scans she was diagnosed with primary bowel cancer which had spread to her liver her ovaries her pancreas and lymph nodes.
They offered no treatment and gave her 2 weeks to live she died on the 2nd of July aged 51.
I have three adult children and a little granddaughter who was born 5 weeks after Margaret died. They are fantastic support and I don’t think I would be here without them.
All the bad memories are flooding back and I’m just so tired trying to be positive and trying to move forward but that sick churning in my stomach never eases.
I miss her so much it hurts like hell and I just don’t know what more I can do.
Sorry for being so negative but it’s been a terrible weekend.
Thanks William

I am so sorry for you. I don’t suppose you ever get over it but I think you will get used to it in time. I lost my mother 18 months ago and am still upset, distracted and have trouble seeing people but I think (hope!) it is getting easier but I still get anxiety and depression in waves. I feel bad for my wife. I think you have to accept it but that is much easier said than done. But people usually adjust to their new situation in the end.hang on in there, best wishes peter

Thanks for your support it’s just so difficult at the moment.
Take care William

Hi William.
It’s a difficult time for me as well. Carolyn was rushed into hospital just over a year ago. She lasted until August 12th, having spent nearly 6 weeks in hospital and 2 in the hospice. She did get home to die.
Here we are a year on and it’s still a nightmare.
Best wishes.

Hi William,

My wife’s favourite singer was Bryan Adams and we went to a number of concerts together over the 28 years we knew one another.
Cancer was found in her lymphatic system and it was at an advanced stage even before the first sign of any cancer problem was present. In my wife’s case a small lump on her jaw. After 2 years of treatments she passed away in her early 50’s.
Catching cancer at an early stage seems difficult without some kind of regular screening. I hope this will change for everyone in the future, but looks a long way off yet.
I understand all the symptoms you have because I have some similar problems from time to time especially that strange feeling in your stomach. I have no kids, but friends and family help me to try and sane. I look forward to a future, it it will be totally different to what we wanted it to be.
The loss of such a wonderful person is too much bear sometimes. So I just wanted to let you know how sorry I was to hear of the loss of your amazing partner.

Take care,


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Yes I know. I get anxiety attacks especially in the morning and afternoon. Which I don’t want but can’t seem to stop. I know how difficult it can be. Keep optimistic as much as you can that it will improve and try not to ruminate on it (one of my bad habits!) I don’t think it he.

Don’t think it Helps

Thanks YL
Yes a nightmare is right. I am coping as best as I can but this weekend has been something else.
Take care William

Thanks for your support and I’m also sorry for your loss.
Margaret loved Bryan Adams we have seen him play many times in Belfast but last year he only played in Dublin. I got Margaret tickets and we stayed over in Dublin and had a great night not knowing what was to come.
I have really tried to be positive mostly for my kids who are suffering dreadfully it’s just totally exhausting and I’ve found myself withdrawing to my home in isolation which I know is not good but will have to do for now.
Take care William

It doesn’t help but sometimes it’s impossible to stop.
I can’t get those last few weeks before she died out of my head.
It all happened so quickly I still can’t believe it.
Thanks for your support
Take care William

Hello gentlemen. I really like how you blokes have rallied with support for William, it’s very touching. I find myself amongst decent people on this site - a site that is our misfortune to be in need of. With regards anniversaries, I try to think logically. Do we miss our loved ones more today than yesterday? Of course not. Do we miss them more today than we will tomorrow? Of course not. How could we? The aching pain is the same each and every day so today is another day without them whether it be birthday, anniversary or whatever. It simply cannot be any worse. The worst has already happened and now we are living with the consequences. All of this might sound harsh but it’s how I cope, it’s the only way for me. It will be 2 years next month since my husband passed and if I hadn’t developed coping strategies then I wouldn’t have got this far. There are moments when I wonder how I’ve come one this far. Life is hard now, it’s very different. I find myself doing jobs my husband would have taken care of. I’ve just finished sanding and painting our big wooden gates. It was a massive task for me, I even had to use wood filler in places, but determination helped me succeed along with a bit of manly advice. How I miss my man. I hope my logical thinking doesn’t offend anyone and that tomorrow might bring a better day, offering a little peace at least. Sending love and understanding xx

Thanks Kate, your post has given me much needed strength. I miss my Ian so much but carry him with me every day.
Love Julie xx

Kate, as always you post with words that it could not fail to give comfort to those on this journey regardless of the point they are at. You rightly say it cannot be any worse, that happened when we lost our partners. For some it’s particularly difficult as shared by the guys in this thread, the short space of time, indeed that was my own experience. I am now 14 months into my journey, 46th wedding anniversary coming up on Sunday. My way of coping is to be busy, be with people who understand, don’t fear your own company. I still feel my husband is by my side. Memories are tricky, you want them to comfort you but yet they are upsetting, but that is getting easier for me and I look forward to freely talking with family and laughing without a wobble. But it takes time and in the meantime we need to make sure we take care of ourselves. Wherever and however you are in your life after loss, by connecting with others on this site you will get comfort and give comfort too.

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Wise words Sandra and good positive thinking. I am so pleased that you have your coping strategies and life is a little easier. Me too. I can and do enjoy talking about my husband now without a wobble, as you say. For a long time that was impossible. The saying ‘it doesn’t get better but we get better at it’ is absolutely right. Lots of love xx

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Bless you Julie and thanks. Your beloved Ian is with you always and I hope you can take comfort from that fact. It goes without saying that we would rather they were with us physically. Sending you love and strength xx

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Hello William
As you know, my husband Carl, died on the same day as Margaret. I am so sorry to hear about how quickly it all happened. The shock must have been immense. All I can say is that I know how you feel in that with Carl, his death was sudden too. We were at the gym, me in the pool, Carl on the cross trainer, when he collapsed with a heart attack and cardiac arrest. He never regained consciousness. Carl’s 59th Birthday was last week and like you, I have his anniversary soon. Trying to be positive is so tiring, and some days I give in and my grief overwhelms me. I have no children, but without my friends, one I met on this site, I don’t know how I would get through. All we can do is try and fill our jam jar of life with other things so that the grief doesn’t consume us. I hope you are spending the 2nd July with your family. Please take care. Love Linda x

Hi William so sorry for your loss. The pain is excrutiating and totally inhumane. Poor Margaret what a terrible diagnosis. I am just 6 weeks since Colin died and I know that stomach churning pain so well. I’ve been to therapists I want it away as it’s a constant reminder of what we are going through. I haven’t found a magic cure yet but I did find peace in the Spiritualist church because of their belief in the after life which I have to say wasn’t really a belief of mine. I will believe anything that allows me to see Colin again. Try to keep busy it helps. Write any time we are all here for you. Kxx

Hi Kate, I feel the same. It doesn’t make any difference whatsoever to me what day or date it is, I miss him. I miss him. I miss him…Every day exactly the same amount regardless of what the calendar tells me. That’s not even a coping state of mind on my part, it’s just the simple truth. Love to you xx

Just home from minding my little granddaughter and reading all the kind messages.
You’re so right Kate and cw13 it doesn’t matter what day or date it is I miss her so much everyday.
Thanks to all
Take care William

Sending a hug William. It’s rubbish. But we have to go on. God knows how we succeed in doing that some days. I certainly don’t know how we do but, we do, somehow. Don’t worry, our day will come, and in the meantime we will kick and scream on this forum as often as necessary and then go out there with our ‘there’s nothing wrong with me’ faces on. We will do that. We will, we will, we will! x (eye roll emoji)!

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