Just under a month since stepdad died.

New things every so often hit me like knowing that I will ring home if I’m away and it’s never going to be him that picks the phone up.
Mum is really struggling to keep busy and continue without him. I keep going numb over it all and get very jealous and upset seeing families together.

It hurts seeing old men walk without a walking stick, or mobility scooter, well in their old age beyond 64. I see old couples and feel lost as it was supposed to be my mum and Steve in their 70’s/80’s and maybe even beyond.

I feel I’ve lost myself in the day he died. We’ve all changed, lost weight, lack sleep and feel empty. Cancer was out of his control, lack of being able to talk before he died and how quick he went kills me alot. Having him reply back would have meant alot.
He was aware but struggled at the end.

I am asked if I still feel shitty. Bad question when the rest of my life will be like this. People don’t understand at all when they have had no losses. This isn’t the first and won’t be the last.

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You’re obviously a very caring person. I am like you, in that I have lost weight (I was already underweight), feel empty, but thankfully I do manage to sleep - quite a lot, which means I am awake at weird hours, but at least I get sleep. It must be so difficult for you to be going through all this and having difficulty sleeping, that makes things worse.

It is understandable that you feel cheated that your stepdad died at a younger age, that is very sad, and the manner in which he died has clearly affected you a lot. Do you and your mum have anyone else to help you? Like other family? It seems like a very difficult time for the two of you.

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The siblings on his side of the family aside from his brother only care about money. So much so that they caused a rift just days before the funeral. We don’t really have anyone. Outsiders Don’t help as they either walk past us or ignore us. If they do acknowledge it’s not about me it’s about mum. Look after your mum etc. Hell I don’t know how to look after myself.

There isn’t any support and money is so tight now even with benefits. Don’t know the answers.

That is so sad to read that you have family who are acting that way. Do you have any siblings who are there to help your mum or is it just you? It seems a lot for you to cope with, to look after your mum whilst you have your own grief.

Is your mum under 66? If so, has she tried to claim Bereavement Allowance? If she has worked in the past, and is under 66, she should be able to get some money. You say you’re struggling on benefits, are you sure you’re getting the correct amount? For example, some people who are on the old system could be better off under Universal Credit (and some could be worse off). Maybe you should contact the Citizens Advice Bureau.

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have a brother and sister but they live 4 hours away. they wasn’t married so she doesn’t get his pension, £2,400, or well anything. it sucks. mum will have to ring certain things up herself to find out but yheah i’m not sure as of at the moment.

That is so frustrating that your mum will get nothing because they were not married. It isn’t fair. Please ask your mum to look at the website “entitledto”, it calculates which benefits she should be entitled to, and at the end it gives an option which lets her know whether she could be better off on Universal Credit. Never trust the DWP, they make so many mistakes, and often people are getting less benefits than they should. Also, if your mum is really struggling, has she tried using a food bank? Trussel Trust will have a list of the nearest food banks to your mum. Grief is bad enough without worries about surviving financially, please make use of all the help available and let us know how you get on.

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for now we are fine without a food bank however the money we do have directly goes to bills so yea. yes 12 years together and nothing. it sucks but thats the government for you. i used up all of my savings i had (i didn’t have much but for his funeral costs- that and a grant to pay for the rest) so yeah. i hope things will get better but i really don’t see how now.

Ok, I am glad that at the moment you’re just about coping financially, but if things do start to get worse, please do not hesitate to go and get a referral to the food bank, they are there to help people in need. I hope things will get better for you too, a month is no time, some of us have been suffering for many more months than you, but there is always hope that things will eventually get better so please just try and take things day by day and we can only hope that in time you will start to feel a bit better, you will always miss him and never get over it, but people here say you learn to live with it.

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