My boyfriend died 3 weeks ago and I feel like the pain is just getting worse. I miss him so so much. I just want to pick up the phone and chat nonsense with him and have him laugh at me because I make no sense and he finds it hilarious. Or ask for his advice or opinion on something that’s bothering me.
One of our friends is going through a situation and the 3 of us together would have talked and sorted it. Both me and our friend last night said we feel so lost without his love and advice.
I got a sign from him last night. I was waiting for a friend in a bar and a song Ive listened to a lot came on out of nowhere. Not really in the keeping of the music being played, not a popular song, one I haven’t heard out and about ever, but one we loved from a band we had loved going to see. It’s actually a song about losing someone. Its called In The Wake of Your Leave. It floored me. I considered this song for his funeral. I wanted to talk to him to tell him how cool it was but the one person I wanted to tell isn’t there anymore.
It’s his funeral next week and I feel like the loss of him is getting more and more painful by the day. Does life ever become more bearable? I found my person and he’s gone and I can’t fathom a future or a world without him in it.
@Dizzapea Hi. I just had a listen to that song on youtube - Very upbeat yet moving at the same time. Good choice I still talk to my partner even tho’ she’s gone. I know she’s not here as such but sometimes just saying a few words to her helps me to get my thoughts clearer in my head as sometimes they’re just like a gang of drunken cats making a right racket.
I’m sorry for your loss and hope that his funeral goes as well as it can on the day for you. To try and answer your question about life becoming more bearable, I really hope that it does. In the almost 3 months since my partner died I’ve gone through the great wave of sympathy that friends and family have brought, to watching people slowly distance themselves until I have a smaller core of friends and family who keep in touch (which is ok - I don’t want people around who feel they have to keep in touch out of duty or guilt) and I have met some new people on here whose advice I value. Also, once I finalised her estate I felt like there was nothing else left to do for her, but I knew that she would want me to get up off my arse and get on with life and so that’s what I do - in small steps, occasionally tripping up, but I do my best and I do it for me and I do it for her because we loved each other, spent nearly 25 years together and I’m a better person for having known her and I won’t forget her. I hope next week goes as well as it can for you. You will find a lot of caring friendly people on this forum so stick around and hopefully get some comfort from what they say. Best wishes.
@Dizzapea It is so very hard, I am so sorry you have lost your boyfriend, your soulmate. Does it every become more bearable - well for me. it’s been almost 13 weeks since I lost my darling man and there are some better moments and occasionally there are days when I feel lighter from this heavy load we bear. Like @JustSomeBloke, I also talk to my husband, as it helps me release all the things I have stored in my head when in my ‘normal life’ I would be just chatting with him. We are all trying to navigate our way through a continuous storm and most of the time I don’t know my bearings , but I do know that I am living now for for us both and I want to make him proud. I know it is so hard to face the future, but if we all hang on tight to each other we will as our partners will want us to. Sending hugs xxx
I find myself talking to my husband too. Not often, but it’s quite soothing. I also have no one to tell about the small stuff. A lot of things felt like they’d not really happened until I’d told him, shared that information with him. I think it’s good if you can carry on having these “conversations” with your loved one.
I very often chat to Penny. I sit in “her” chair and chat about my day and my thoughts. Dog walking is another activity full of our chats.
I often think we chat more now than when she was here. I now try to imagine what she would be saying back to me in her own voice, and I give her space.
Hi Tykey
You know I also feel that I chat more to my husband now than I did when he was alive. He is certainly a part of my every day much more. One benefit if you can call it that is I can chat away and keep him by my side and he has no say in the matter now My husband was a private man who liked his own space to paint and play his musican instruments. Now I feel I have his undivided attention and he can’t accuse me of ‘wittering’ on.
Pat
xx
Its been 8 weeks since i lost him and i cant bear it his funernal was last week and im still lost but please keep talking here to help.if i can sending love xx
I wrote him a letter for my speech at his funeral. That was cathartic. I feel so empty today. Numb. It’s my birthday and we should have been going for an adventure but I want to just curl up, go to sleep and never wake up
Dizzapea, that was a lovely idea to read the letter at the funeral. I’m 3 months down the line since my husband died. One of the things I take great comfort from was that the funeral was a beautiful occasion. The children and I planned it together, we didn’t want the usual, and our celebrant worked with us. It was a really lovely day. A beautiful memory in a sad era. You did him proud!
I also lost my beautiful partner just less than a month ago. Im on my own now and i too feel the need to talk to her. What i have done is to buy myself the largest diary i can find and i write to her every night before bed telling her about my day and how i feel about the whole experience. I do find it very cathartic. Might not work for everybody but i figure that whilst everything is a huge blur at the moment i will be able to look back on what i talked to her about at some time in the future when i feel able to do so. Sorry for your loss.
I still talk to my partner even tho’ she’s gone. I know she’s not here as such but sometimes just saying a few words to her helps me to get my thoughts clearer in my head as sometimes they’re just like a gang of drunken cats making a right racket.