When I lost my first husband I was 48. He was an athlete, and a good one, training twice a day, running at county level and fit as a fiddle. It didn’t stop him from dying whilst he was out running. It was sudden adult death syndrome. I wanted to kill myself, but I couldn’t because I had caring responsibilities. My daughter has special needs and I also have a very lovely son whose best friend was his dad. But I was devastated and I just didn’t know how to carry on without my wonderful husband.
It goes without saying that I did carry on, or I wouldn’t be writing here.
After 5 years had passed, much to my surprise, I met someone who stole my heart, mostly because my daughter stole his! We became friends, and because he was so lovely with my daughter, and my son liked him, I fell in love with him and eventually married him. Nobody was more surprised than me.
We had 16 wonderful years together until he also died suddenly, 10 weeks ago.
To be totally honest, the way I feel right now is that I don’t want to carry on. I have had enough. But my reasons to not “ do anything silly” still exist now as they did 20 years ago. I have a daughter that needs me, I have a son that would have to take on those responsibilities, and that’s not fair. And I know that the agony of grief really does diminish with time. Because I have been here before.
I don’t expect to meet somebody else at my age. But I know that eventually the raw pain will diminish enough that I can live with it. Please don’t think that life is over, with time and a bit of effort a new life is possible, even though it is very different to what you wanted it to be.
Hi @Willow112 ,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure your words will bring comfort to others.
Take good care,
Alex
@Willow112 so
Sorry for your loss and having to go thru this a second time, I really needed to read this today about how the pain goes with time, it’s 8 month today since I lost my mick, I don’t know why I feel the need to count the months down as it’s painful everyday not just the monthly reminders!! I’m at work all day so will keep my brain occupied!! I hope you’re ok!! 
Dint say that about not meeting anybody @Willow112 … my dad met somebody at 80 !! Lol … so there is hope … lovely post and you been through a lot my love xx
You’ve been so brave, @Willow112 ; keep on fighting. You have a wonderful sense of humour, and your posts are always interesting to read. Your son and daughter are lucky to have such a courageous and lovely mum.
Thank you Catrin. I will remind my son. Xx