My Dad died a painful death from plasma cell leukaemia on Thursday night. His last days were not as peaceful as they should have been because of mix ups in his care meaning we could not stay with him when we wanted and he kept being treated when he should have been moved to palliative care. We are tormenting ourselves about this. He deserved so much more.
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Im so sorry. We had lots of issues with my mum’s care. She basically went in with a broken wrist and died from a hospital infection. I wish so much we had just brought her home instead of doing what the hospital suggested, but we do not know at the time. Please do not beat yourself up, your dad would not wish this xx
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Please the both of you do not blame yourselves my mom had symptoms of bowl cancer 18 months ago I told her to go to the doctor which she did eventually after messing her around for weeks and telling her there’s nothing to worry about she had some tests at the hospital which did indeed confirm bowl cancer but by this stage had spread to her stomach and groin she bravely fought this off with chemo and radiotherapy and a permanent stoma bag and we were told the cancer had gone from those areas.She then went for a routine scan for them to find a mass on her lung but they were like oh it’s fine nothing to worry about left it a few more months did another scan then it had spread to her other lung but the consultants kept saying oh we’re not sure what it is your fine we’ll see you again in another few weeks to discuss what we’re going to do. On the 12th of July 2024 she went into hospital not being able to breathe with fluid on the lungs and the cancer had spread to her bones as well. She gave a brave fight but passed away on the 13th of August. I like you kept thinking why did we listen to the doctors and consultants maybe if we’d have been more pushy but you do at the time as there the experts so you think you should listen to them so please don’t worry about the what if’s as you will just torment yourselves more sending lots of love 
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Thank you for both of your replies and I am really sorry you went through this too. It is really hard isn’t it, as they are supposed to be the experts and so many of those who were helping him were kind. I keep thinking would he want us to dwell on the bad side of things? But my Mum had a peaceful death in the most part and better care, also cancer, this was 13 years ago. This hurts me because my Dad was her carer and he deserved that for himself too.
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Our parents would want us to be happy and trying the best we can to get on with our lives. We must really try not to put the blame on ourselves as I know from my own experience my mother would not want that
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Sending love to everyone. We all understand how it feels, though we did our best xx
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Some of this is similar to what happened with my Mum, she actually went into hospital after pain in her hip/back which got to the point she couldn’t walk. Before this she had seen 2 different doctors one when she could still walk who said it was probably her osteoarthritis spreading and the other when she couldnt walk who said it was sciatica. Eventually discovered it was actually metastatic spinal cord compression where cancer had spread from her lungs. She was also severley anaemic and the GP still didnt call for an ambulance as the bloods were done somewhere else so she wanted their own doing, therefore Mum didnt get to hospital for another 4 days. I feel so guilty that we put our trust in them rather than just taking her to hospital ourselves straight away as the waiting drastically reduced her overall prognosis and other things that happened further down the line
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Sorry for your loss. ……… I know it’s hard but you mustn’t feel guilty you did what you thought was best at the time and that’s all you can do. Unfortunately our moms didn’t get the outcome we would have wanted, but that’s not our fault. In the first week after mom passed I was like why did my mom have to have Cancer and suffer when she was a lovely person and all the vile nasty people in this world carry on with there lives as normal, but it only made me feel worse so I choose to focus on all the joy she brought to people while she was alive and you must try and do the same our moms would want us to try and carry on and be happy again even though it’s hard 
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I really feel for you as I am the same. We are going over what happened because we wanted to save them from what happened but in reality we are not medically trained and it was a highly stressful situation and we did our best.
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