Thankyou @starbright
Yes I do believe were on a similar timeline.
And I know you feel exactly the same
Big hugs back to you x
This is how i am every day.
I cant stop crying. One second im ok, next second im a mess. Im managing to get stuff done for our son but im not sure i can get through this.
Oh @GrievingDad
Iām so sorry for your loss.
You will get through this, you have to for your little boy.
I know its hard, I struggle every day, but I know Iāve got to go on. Its what my husband wanted.
Keep posting on here, weāre all here helping each other, and it does help knowing that others fully understand because weāve all lost someone so special
and we are all here to listen.
Sending you big hugs
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My husbandās death in January was sudden and unexpected, undiagnosed cancer. Numb and in shock for first months. Now the reality is really biting - i have to re-invent my life . Just where do i start? Cannot think of anything but how much i miss him. I m totally consumed with grief.
This site helps me not feel alone. Just wish i could find a bereavement group locally to share conversations and offer support to one another.
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I have been having it for 12 months now,itās not as often as it was but every morning I wake up and feel anxious about the day ahead.
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I suffered from Anxiety before my husband died 6 weeks ago, due to my ex husband being abusive to me, my ex husband was found dead in his flat in January it was a relief for me! but he was the father to my son, he just went along with his Fathers death , but then 3 months later my lovely husband and my sons step Dad, then 9 days after my cousin dies, age 56, so I am thinking " what next " every day, I could of coped a bit better if my husband was here, but he has been taken away from me, and I ask WHY, I was happy at last,
My goodness Jane15 what a terrible time you have had, are having, i hope you have support from someone. X
My family are in Liverpool and I am in Devon, I still have my son at home but he is 27 and hardly here, Nick and I loved our plants and gardening, it was āHis and hersā plants I am all sunny colourful flowers and he was all shade loving tree ferns, japonica,hostas etc so I am reading up on them, to keep his plants alive. We were at Chelsea Flower show last year and that was difficult watching it on tv, this year we were going to Hampton Court, we have been before, so my son said he will come with me although not his sort of thing! trouble is Nick and I enjoyed each others company more than others, and over the last two decades always felt we didnāt need anyone else, and now I am very alone, but at least its me feeling like this and not him, I loved him so much I would of hated him to of felt the way I do right now
You and Nick sound very much like me and David were, we didnāt need anyone else and liked the same things, had the same sense of humour, same beliefs, politics, liked the same foods and both loved cooking we both went shopping together. We liked the same TV shows and films, so much has changed now and it is such early days it is going to get worse before it gets better but we have everyone to talk to on here which is really helping me.
yes we enjoyed the same things, apart from he was red wine , I am prosecco! perfect Saturday was a trip to the garden centre, a pub lunch or a take - a -way, my son would say āI donāt need to take your order I always know what you two haveā then watch Saturday trash tv and laugh all the way through it, 6 weeks with out him, 6 hours was long enough when we were in work, we never had a night apart , yes it helps on here to know your not the only one,
Still think of what ifs.
I channel it often by writing stories about it from different perspectives.
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I lost my wife 7 weeks ago. I usually work from home on a Friday but this particular week I went away for a work event. Sheād called me in the morning but I didnāt pick up the phone and just sent her a text to say Iād be home mid afternoon. I arrived home to find her collapsed on the floor while putting the shopping away. I called an ambulance but it was too late. I still donāt know the cause of death as the post mortem didnāt find anything and they are conducting further tests. I am full of guilt for not being at home on that day for her and that she died alone. My heart is brokenš
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Do not be full of quilt , you will be full of grief to take on guilt , my husband died nearly 9 weeks ago , it was a Saturday morning and he woke up made me a cup of tea and threw his up ! He said he didnāt feel well pains across his back and down his arm , I phoned ambulance then I was running around collecting his stuff for a hospital bag, knowing what a proud man he is I new he would want his own shaver, tooth brush , clean pants etc, he had a previous heart attack 20+ years earlier in his early 40ās but he said it didnāt feel like that ! So I didnāt think he was about to have another one ! My only comfort was he passed out before he took the heart attack , he would of known nothing , and you have to think probably the same for your wife , she wouldnāt of known. I felt guilty for not sitting with him in the last moments of his life , instead I was running around collecting his stuff , but he didnāt know he was about to die and neither did I , I was there when he took his final breath , and believe me that image is still with me , please donāt have guilt when you have grief x
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You werenāt to know that such a terrible thing would happen on that particular day. None of us can forsee the future, thank goodness. You will be going through all different kinds of feelings, itās natural, and she wouldnāt want you to feel that you had done something wrong.
The last thing I said to Steve was āYou look like sh*tā, because he really did. But he kept on working, left the house and I never saw him alive again. I used to torment myself that Iād spoken to him like that, and we didnāt kiss each other goodbye. But someone reminded me that we had kissed each other so many times before. He knew he was loved and I have to remind myself of that.
Please donāt feel bad. It isnāt up to any of us when itās our time to go. Try to think of all the good times you had together. I know itās hard.
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I work from home. Quite often Iād work at my parentsā house. But I was working at my own house on the dreaded day that my dad went into cardiac arrest .
@StuartC the same thing happened to meā¦. Had a phone call from my son to say that dad, my husband had collapsed. I had missed the phone call by 30 minutes as my phone was on silence, I rushed home and he was gone. 53 years old. I felt absolutely awful that I wasnāt with my husband and could I have safe him as I did CPR on him but too late. He died of a massive saddle blood clot and undiagnosed kidney cancer. I often think what would have happened if I was there ā¦would I be calm, would I be screaming the house down, would I be causing him stress. Itās all the ifs and buts then come with grief. I just think what can we do about it now. Nothing sadlyā¦big hugs Xx