Knowing death is going to happen, or sudden Death

I lost my husband to a massive heart attack on the 15th April 2024, it was sudden and unexpected. at age 65.
At present I have experienced a lot of death as of late, My cousin was given 12 weeks to live in December and lasted 10, a work colleague given 6 weeks died 5 weeks later. Every time my phone rang I would be waiting for news, but when you know that someone is going to die, do you prepare for this? however long or short the time is its still time.
One minute my husband is bringing me a cup of tea in bed, the next thing he is having CPR on the living room floor, then two days of hope in icu, then that’s it? he has gone.
I have to say to myself well I was there, I was with him when he passed, what if he just went out and never came back? I have talked to people about “sudden and unexpected " death , and for me its getting past that,? no time to prepare. Its made me anxious now what if something happens to me? my son will be alone, or what if something happens to my son I will be alone, is this normal feelings to have " what next”?

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I lost my partner of 38 years very suddenly last May he went in the garden to water his plants and had a heart attack out there when I found him it was too late .We had been laughing and joking before he went outside no warning whatsoever.Now I’m anxious all the time and always thinking bad things are going to happen.

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me too wonder when the anxiety stops

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Yes I have had such feelings. Have lost my dad years ago who only lasted a week when we knew he was terminally ill. My mum collapsed on floor but guessed she would sometime as she had had had strikes before. My husband was very ill and guessed it was touch and go. He lasted 5 weeks in hospital and fell out bed and died. Was a roller coaster either way.

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I knew my husband was going to die, for 6 short weeks. He was worried about me and I just kept telling him I’d be ok. So much and so often that I think I began to think I would be. But when the time came and he left me, peacefully, holding my hand, the devastation was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe it, even though I knew it was coming and I was with him, I still don’t believe it.
So I really can’t say whether its worse to know or not. I think the devastation and grief is horrendous whichever way it happens.

I just know I wasn’t ready, and never will be

Big hugs to all

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yea my husband would of worried about me, and himself I know at the end he passed out before he took the heart attack he knew nothing.

Better for him, but not for you. The shock must have been devastating .
Yes my husband was frightened, it was hard to hear him say that, and how worried he was for me

aww heartbreaking it really is x

My husband collapsed and I got a phone call which I missed by 30 mins. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR as no ambulance. He was 53 years old. Died of a massive blood clot and undiagnosed kidney cancer which we knew nothing about. I wish I was with my husband when he died to hold his hand and to tell him I loved him and to have tried to save him . In my case I would have preferred to have time with him and cared for him. No chance closer or answers.

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I don’t think there’s any easy way through this grief journey.
One step at a time, relish the good days and go with the bad ones. Cry when you want, everyday for me, not that I want to I just can’t help it. Laugh if you can, do what you feel like. Cherish your memories and never forget the good times.

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Yes some time can’t put a price on it

I have only experienced sudden and unexpected death andni have found the shock to be the hardest thing amd the fact my mum died on her own. Its cruel amd i cant change it. I wish i had of known and had time to say goodbye, but then other people who have watched their loved ones suffer probably wish it was quick. Its shit either way, but the shock is like a ptsd, its left me an anxious mess

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I think both are hellish, but in different ways. If it’s anticipated you hopefully have a chance to say the things you want to say, but I don’t believe you can be prepared. Whatever you imagine the loss will be like and feel like, the actual reality of it will be worse.

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my hubby was takent o hospital with suspected diabetes probs, so i wasnt worried as he had had them before but it turned out to be sepsis from a urinary infection that we knew nothing aboutr and he was dead within 12 hrs, didnt have achance to say anything. now every day, i wake up i think is this my last day, i go to hbed thinking the same thing. if anything happoens to me, my son is not only on his own he is homeless as well and it terrifies me.

I am terrified when my son goes out etc now but he is nearly 28! I can’t wrap him in cotton wool etc , and I can’t let my anxiety effect him, but its so difficult the “What If” in your head all the time?

the what if’s and the if only’s are part of life, my son is nearly 50 and has lived at home for over 20 yrs cause he cant afford a place of his own, theya re too exspensive round here and he works every day so yes you will always worry but i have never wrapped any of my kids in cotton wool

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So the “what if’s” are not going to go? I always take my “what if’s” to the extreme, my son also still lives at home, as you say its expensive etc, he is also my only child so I feel he is all I have now, I live in Devon, and the rest of my family, Mother, brothers etc, are all up North in Liverpool.

I don’t know which way is better. I lost both my parents to cancer so we knew it was coming. The suffering for them was awful but at least there was a chance to say goodbye. My husband died suddenly from a cardiac arrest in his fifties. No suffering (so I’m told) for him but shocked doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.

It’s hard to compare though as losing a spouse seems to be much harder as you also lose your own way of life and can’t escape the grief. I would give anything for another day with him so I could at least tell him I love him xx

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Yes @starbright
One more day, one more hour, one more minute.
Anything to feel his arms around me one more time. To hear him tell me he loves me and for me to tell him how much I love and miss him

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Oh @liro absolutely for us both. Sending you a big hug as I know you are going through it all with me xx