Hi everyone,
I lost my dad six weeks ago, and it has been the most painful experience of my life. I miss him so deeply — he was the only person who truly understood me, saw me for who I am, and shared my perspective on the world. We had deep conversations and very similar views on so many things. I keep reliving the day he died, seeing him resting in the funeral parlour and the day of his funeral. Every night, I look at photos and videos of him, desperately trying to hold on to him, and most nights I cry myself to sleep because the sadness is so heavy. I’ve had one panic attack, and recently I find myself getting angry over small things which I know is part of my grief.
I’m on bereavement leave from the NHS, but at home I feel completely unsupported. My dad was a professor and inspired my path in education and training. In his eulogy, I shared personal memories and the way he shaped who I am today and how I wish to honour him in the future. But my partner has criticised me twice, saying it was “self-centred,” even though I was showing my love for my dad. On the day of his funeral, I completely broke down when I saw his coffin being taken into the hearse. I couldn’t control myself, the tears came and my vision went dark as I shut my eyes tight. Someone was consoling me without me even knowing who it was. My partner accused me of seeking attention simply because it wasn’t him comforting me but other family members.
A few days ago, when I had a panic attack, he told me “that’s enough now” instead of offering a few supportive words. He has said, “I don’t care what you’re going through,” and repeatedly accuses me of “looking for sympathy.” I also can’t open up to my mother, as she’s grieving herself and I don’t want to burden her.
Despite all of this, I keep going for the sake of my three young children — they are the only reason I continue each day. I feel emotionally drained, isolated, and unsupported. Sharing my grief feels almost impossible because it’s so raw and personal, and his criticism and behaviour makes me feel even more alone in this world.
Has anyone else experienced grieving a parent while feeling dismissed, invalidated, or accused of being “self-centred” or “cold” by a partner? How did you cope with grief while protecting your emotional boundaries in an unsupportive relationship, especially while caring for young children?