Lack of support whilst grieving

[Nic4443]

Anyone else feel so alone?

My Dad passed in December and it’s completely devastated me to the point I just feel numb. My husband wasn’t great during the traumatic month my Dad was in hospital, giving me grief about all the stuff he picked up doing for the kids. Since my Dad passed, he doesn’t ask how I am although it’s clear I’m struggling. It’s like it never happened and I’m supposed to be back to normal. In a way I am, doing the day to day, what needs to be done etc… but my head is just lost. Is this normal? I know Men deal with emotional situations differently but I feel abandoned. He came upstairs to see me crying, didn’t ask are you ok just asked me how to attach to an email and left. I’m devastated. Who do you turn to? Just wondering if anyone has experienced similar and how they addressed it. My mum is struggling so I’m trying to be strong for her so don’t unburden on her.

[Rachey82]

Hi flower , has your husband ever had a loss like himself ?

[Whydidhedie]

He sounds very much like my husband. I think it is a man thing. Keep posting on this forum as you will get a lot of support here from people who really understand. X

[Cheryl27]

Sending my deepest sympathy your way my dad also passed in December and I’m utterly heartbroken . I get the “you should be back to normal” but what is normal anymore? I feel completely numb and like I’m loosing my mind it’s awful things just have no meaning anymore stuff I enjoyed I just don’t now I just feel blank. I do the day to day stuff for my kids but it’s so hard. I see my mam hurting and it breaks my heart I just feel I should be with her 24/7 but can’t. I’m hoping this awful feeling starts to ease off soon as it’s crippling xxx

[Nic4443]

Oh I feel you so much. I’m present in life but I’m not here. I’ve no joy in anything. If it weren’t for my kids, I wouldn’t be here. I hope you find your way as do I. I can’t explain this feeling. I know they say time heals but I really can’t see it. I don’t think I’ll ever get to normal, whatever that is xx

[Nic4443]

No he hasn’t but he doesn’t get on with his parents. I spoke with someone who said grief will hit him differently when it comes in terms of regret rather than how it hits me with love and time missed out on. I still feel no matter how you feel, or how you don’t quite understand you should care how your other half feels. Not how you think they should be feeling xx

[Whydidhedie]

I guess that works both ways and I should try to be more understanding of my partner’s apparent lack of emotion. But it’s very difficult to comprehend how he seems to have “moved on”. At the moment I don’t see myself as ever moving on from this tragedy.

[Tcc]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your loss. Please know that you are
Not alone

What you have said really resonated with me.

Even before my mum passed, I had an extremely close friend cut contact with me. He simply heard about mum’s diagnosis and I didnt hear from him again.

Over the years - my mum passed four years ago - every other person has gone quiet.

One friend I have known for 25 years has never asked me about it, not once. And recenlty
Declined to come to my 40th Birthday
Celebration. A date that I was struggling to face without my mum. She was 55
When she passed.

It is incredibly isolating and lonely. When you lose the person you are closest to, everything changes. And the feeling of
Emptyness, nothingness and lack of interest in almost everything is a mainstay companion.

The loss has really highlighted the pleaser/fixer/counselor/rescuer role that I took on intuitively and automatically in most of my friendships.

Glaringly and unequivocally exposing how unreciprocated this dynamic was

Ultimately, I realise that I felt responsible for other people and that they liked that. I was the super responsible ‘little adult’ child that would help and please everyone. Esp my mum.

Now that she has passed and almost no one has raised their head in my direction. I am struggling with A sense of purpose, identity and interest in anything.

I am not sure who I am. Directionless. I have more people I love in spirit than here and that is difficult.

It is hard not having someone around who felt responsible for you. Who ‘got’ you.
A relationship with no ambiguity. A person who you shared a life’s history with.

Minimising stress, setting goals such as doing a day course, reading, going on holiday, trying to exercise etc have been helpful to me.

Remembering all the good times and all the love, laughter and joy and knowing that they would always want the best for me and the rest of my life are helping me to move forward in the absence of others​:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

[Tcc]

Unless someone has experienced a loss such as this they have little way of understanding.

Sending the best to you and your family​:star2: