Last Christmas Day.

Last Christmas, Tom was in hospital. He was dying by inches. He was on a ward, right next to the nurses’ station. All day, every day, in the run up, he had to endure endless Christmas hits blasting out, with absolutely no escape from it. All the fake jollity and tinsel. Absolutely no quarter given for the dying.

On Christmas Day, this day, last year, I arrived for my 1 hour. That was all that was allowed, “due to Covid”. I had put on a special dress that Tom had bought me. The hospital was pretty deserted. The ward was quiet and the torture music was finally off. Tom was asleep. His fellow patients told me that he had been treated really roughly by a nurse the night before. So, I spent time with Tom, holding his hand and telling him family news and that I loved him and would protect him. I then went to see the ward manager to find out more about the bullying and instigated an investigation. I went back to see Tom, who was still asleep, before my hour was up.

Today, this Christmas Day, everyone wants jolliness and fun, crackers and presents, chocolates and champagne. Silly hats. Silly stories. No-one wants grief or long faces. The unbereaved can’t relate to us. They simply don’t get it.

For everyone wearing your Christmas mask to get through the day, I am with you. I know exactly how you feel. While I know Tom is close and near, it is right here that I need him and dearly wish he was.

Hold on, everyone, this day will pass.


Absolutely so true .and we must wear that mask for our families. Life goes on as they say…everyone has their own lives to lead.i just pray through time we will all feel better.i am waiting to go to my sons andvwill spend the day counting my blessings i have them dosent stop my grief but what else would i do sit alone n feel sad…take care everyone things will get better


You’re right Jan271, what else would we do other than sit at home alone feeling sorry for ourselves. So I got myself ready this morning and spent the day with my family. I enjoyed seeing the grandkids opening their presents and being all together for dinner , but I am now back at home alone. Time for quiet reflection.
This is the 2nd Christmas without my husband, and that feeling of joy and contentment and looking forward just isnt there any more since he died.
I dont honestly think I will ever feel that way again on future Chrismases.
So, we just make the best of it we can, for our families, our loved ones memory and to be kind to ourselves, however difficult it is.
We’ll get through it and do it all again next year, and remember with love how lucky we were to have been so happy.


Thank you Vancouver x