I find myself thinking about my husbands last days & hours
He was in hospital as the cancer spread & weakened him but we never knew his time was short always believing I would be able to bring him home & look after him with his family around him. Hospital wasn’t the place for little grandchildren to visit & he wasn’t able to see them in that last week
I don’t know if he knew how close he was to the end- I certainly didn’t
One day we were arranging discharge & putting things in place at home, then the following day I was told he would need to stay on the ward. Just a day later he was being sedated & he was no longer awake to say goodbye
Although I & family could still visit for the next few days I worry he was aware of what was happening? I hoped he could hear us so he wasn’t alone all the time but maybe that was worse for him? He seemed to be asleep but still held my hand- I wish I had stayed with him longer instead of leaving him to go home. I feel I failed him in those last days- I think if it had been me in that bed he would have stayed by my side
Hey @Crissy61
Im really sorry that you have lost your husband and for the pain you are in.
I also lost my husband to cancer almost 4 months ago and it truly is heartbreaking when they lose that battle.
Please don’t feel bad about those last days. I’m sure he knows you were with him and how much he was loved. We never know how long or when someone will pass and he would not want you to be being so hard on yourself for something that you had no control over.
It’s early days for you so your emotions will be all over the place and you’ll be in a bit of a rollercoaster for a while.
Be kind to yourself and try get enough rest - grief is exhausting.
Sending some love and strength and hope for a peaceful night ahead xxx
Thankyou for your kind words
I don’t think I will ever think I did enough for him. While he was at home I felt I was caring for him even tho times were tough- I was there just to sit with him in the bad times in the night but then once he was spending so much time in hospital he was on his own in the long nights
Days are busy with family & friends but then once I go to bed the memories of those last days come back. I wish we had been able to just talk in those last days.
Those memories are so hard to deal with. I see you were married for a long time so I don’t think you needed words at the end. You probably knew each other so well you didn’t need to speak what you were both thinking, you just knew.
He knew you loved him and that is all that matters. The painful memories will fade over time and you’ll find happier ones has replace them.
Just one day at a time just now. It’s all we can do whilst we grieve
Sleep well xx
Hi Crissy61I’m so sorry for your loss. I have thoughts about not doing enough for my husband at the end when he needed me most. I think I should have been more outspoken when dealing with the hospital. I believe the hospital just gave up on him and I should have fought harder for him. I suppose we all have similar thoughts. I’ll carry my regret for the rest of my life. Take care.x
We wanted him to spend his last days in our beautiful local hospice but he was so unsettled in his last days wanting to go home, having vivid dreams caused, I was told, by his level of morphine, wandering the corridors at night- the hospice wouldn’t take him . Hospital advised against taking him home in case I couldn’t cope with him.
He was only being given palliative care pain relief in hospital- he shouldn’t have been there. The staff were as attentive as they could be on a busy ward trying to keep him calm when I wasn’t there but I really wanted him in a calmer environment where family could visit properly. I wish I had spoken to the hospice to plead his case- I did not realise how close to the end he was