Last time I saw mum.

This Saturday coming was the last time I saw mum.I feel like that was the day I lost her.After the stroke she wasn’t my mother anymore.She didn’t look sound or act like my mother.She was no longer there for me.At first we were told that she was in a vegative state but the doctors got it wrong.I went through so many traumatizing moments through December.She was on a ventilator and we were told by the doctors they wanted to take her off but they couldn’t tell us whether she would die or not.That wait in the waiting room waiting to be told if my mother was alive or dead was something I shouldn’t have had to go through.I felt like a little kid in a way.Helpless and just hoping things were going to be ok.She survived.I found out my mother had talked on Christmas eve.It was the best present I could have asked for.Then it was 2 steps forward and 3 steps back she recovered then she got covid.I didn’t know it at the time but I think that was the beginning of the end.


Oh my dear StarHeart, what a horrible time you have had and no one should have to deal with the situation you have had. My heart goes out to you. When we loss our mums a big part of us is lost and there’s this big hole with nothing to fill it. You say it’s near a year if I have read your post correctly. If so may be think about counselling would help, both Sue Ryder and Cruse offer a free service and it may help you answer some of the questions that are holding you back. It’s just a thought. We all want to be with those special people and to have them taken away is hard. You have been through a very traumatic time and getting a little help may be best. Take care S xx

Thank you for your support.Ive tried to get grief counselling but i cant get to the groups they are too far away from where i live.They arent offering one to one support at the moment.My mum died in February this year just felt like I lost her last November because she didn’t feel like my mother anymore.Sometimes I was more like her carer which my mother would have hated.She was such a proud woman and there wasn’t much left of her old personality after her stroke.She had lots of blood clots in her brain and she was partly paralysed after the stroke but we didn’t know how much she never recovered enough to find out.It was aspiration pneumonia that eventually killed her because she couldnt swallow and she kept getting chest infections and with covid on top of that there wasn’t much hope.Everyday is a battle but it doesn’t feel as raw which is a blessing but time doesn’t really heal but it does help I feel.

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Please try counselling again, I know Cruse are still doing zoom or phone calla and it can take a few weeks but it can be worth the wait. Keep smiling S xx

Thank you.I will try.