I was sat thinking in the early hours of this morning, about how my parents brought me up to believe that family and love is everything and how we have brought our kids up with the same beliefs. I am now thinking that maybe we have been cruel because at some point, because of me, they will go through what I am going through now.
People keep telling me to keep busy, find things to do, do something to take my mind off things.
What is the point of doing something when there is no one to do it for, and why would I want to take my mind off someone who has been my whole life for most of my life. I’m lost.
I spent a long time with this what is the point on my mind. But I am now thinking the point is that unless I keep things ticking over then I find it feels worse. I need to be able to be ready in case there is a point. Like sometimes unexpectedly someone did call and wish I had kept things in order.
.y family come and I lost my cat last year after two years company when I was widowed. I miss having a pet but it was too much for me when she was not ok and was unable to function.
It has been so lonely the last year.
I force myself often to go out. Other times I am not ready in time and do not go
I am trying to claim back space by moving my late husband’s things away. I am going to cover up his ties with my scarves. I don’t want to look at them.
I understand what you mean i was brought up by my grandparents and they taught me family is everything and to.always be there for them and i am i do.not have any kids but i was married to my busband for 44yrs before he passed away i wish i had taken more notice of him as je was the man that did all the diy around our home and his nephew did all my techno stuff they have both gone and i struggle to get anything done know always having to get other people to help me , i know what you mean about people saying keep busy i do try they say go.out where do i go a lady on my own i cannot even go to the east coast on my own as that was somewhere i went with my husband so its so difficult and i also feel so.lost one minute you are a couple who can go.places together and now you are one all on there own not knowing what to do .
Yes lost is a good description. Muddling along. I fixed up the toilet roll holder with a florist wire by bending round the end. Doesn’t look professional but it does the job. I used the bent long knitting needle to unblock the sink. I sanded down and filled up a ledge before repainting it. Stuff he used to do. Redid the step like he did with his tools. Look at all the things he left in the garage. Think oh that will do. Paint to touch up scruffy bits. He was very sensible. Left everything in place