Dear Maggie
Thank you for your comments - I have not been on the site recently as I have found some conversations going on that I really do not agree with and thought it best to duck out. I felt the true value of this site had diminished. But then when I look there are so many new bereavements and pain and I think we best empathise with those with a similar loss or situation. However an email popped up to say you had responded and I wanted to respond to you.
Yes thank you I am well and safe and working from home for the foreseeable future. I am extremely lucky that my days are more than full and I have my lovely daughter living with me - and because she is shielding me she is here most of the time - I will miss her so much when life eventually gets back to normal. I agree going into winter is yet another challenge. For me it is the 2nd winter and so very poignant. I am not sure I feel that different than I did a year ago. I do not cry as much but I miss him just as much. And yes of course we feel more vulnerable - we have had our foundations removed. To be honest I look in the mirror and can see how I have aged - and try not to think of the future for it is painful and worrying. And yes I still talk to him - write to him in the journal, cry over him and still cannot quite believe what happened. I don’t think the void ever goes away - we just try and grow round the void in some way by filling our time. On the days I do not work -whether it be in employment, in the garden or in the house - those are the days I feel it more. It does not suit everyone but I need to keep as busy as possible. I look forward to Thursdays and Saturdays when I join a zoom quiz with other members of Wayup. They are a great group and we are of course all people who have lost our partners.
It is still our house - he is still my husband -but I will not let him down. I can feel him at my shoulder in everything I do - I ask him for help and I get it - maybe not in an obvious way but it is there.
Take care and you too stay safe. Always happy to answer if you private message me - which was my first thought. But maybe it is time I came back to the forum anyway.
xx
How lovely to find you back on this amazing forum, I first found this forum in January and it was your post about being alone that had me punching the air and crying at last someone who really understands . I lost my darling husband in April 2019 , he was the life and soul of every party , the love of my life and filled this house with fun and laughter. I do cope reasonably well with two wonderful sons and a very supportive group of friends , I put on my smiley face and everyone calls me amazing little do they know about the grief and lonliness that can descend so quickly as you close the door. Like you I am facing my second winter and lighting the log burner tonight for the first time has left me so tearful remembering cosy evenings snuggled up on the sofa watching the flames , large gin and tonic in hand discussing what we were going to cook for supper, oh what lovely memories. . So a huge thank you to you and Jonathan, Mrs Colt, Pattidot, Mary , Crazy Kate and to all of you who have helped me so much not to feel quite so alone in this strange new life…
I so agree with you Cecillia it is so hard. My lovely Ron and I were (are) married for just over 50 years and we’re so happy and I love him more than ever I didn’t think I could love him any more. We have a very supportive family who loved their Dad so much also good friends. But it is this site as you say we these wonderful people who you mentioned that help us so much. Sending love and hugs to you. Xx Carol xx
How heartwarming to have this thread revived again. I’ll add my thanks to those who helped me find ways to cope with the trauma of losing my darling husband. I found wonderful people who truly understood, who found ways to share their experience that gently helped. No one preached, gave ‘advice’ or sought personal intrusive details. Simply, they understood. The forum has changed, but those same kind people are still there, still engaging in ways that helps. As the Eagles sing in ‘Hotel California’, I’ve found ‘you can check out any time, but you can never leave’
Even if you do, you leave a little bit of yourself. You will have shared your most painful moments, made someone smile, made them laugh, sing, and the most important thing, you will have listened. Sometimes saying nothing…and that’s ok too.
I totally agree with Sandra
This forum has been my comfort blanket for the last 20 months since losing my husband. In the early months I was checking in every day morning , noon and night. Sharing the worst time of my life with strangers whom I now feel are friends. Opening my heart to people who truly understand. I still read many posts most days and remember the raw pain that the newly bereaved are feeling , I hope they find the comfort I have from Sue Ryder and feel blessed by the reply’s from the many lovely people who understand exactly how you are feeling. No judgement just caring bereaved people willing to reach out and share their grief at a time of need.
My hysterical crying has subsided however the constant ache is always present. The deepest sadness, that’s hidden from many but shared with all you lovely members ! Thank you xx
Ang x