I am too. Dave died 15th February 2019 from oesophical cancer. It came from out of the blue. I looked after him at home and he died at home. I am trying so hard but miss him so much and am so sad for him and me. We were together for 32 years. He was 67 when he died. I have had no contact from his family since the funeral. We had no children. My sister and family haven’t known what to say or do and now i don’t see them. I am in contact with a few friends but others don’t want to know. It is very hard I have no enthusiasm for anything at the moment let’s hope it gets a bit better when weather improves. Hugs to anyone else who is suffering. X
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Breny, I feel for you, yes things change and life goes on, even when we don’t want it to and there will be joy again. It’s never the same, it’s different and there are ups and downs but then that’s life. Some days are good days and then others aren’t but believe me, life goes on. We learn to live with this new normal because the old life is no longer there for us. I keep very busy and active, it helps me sleep and I don’t have time to sit and think. The days pass by and I wonder where the time has gone, I think I keeps me sane!!!
You are told to look after yourself which is very hard but please try.
Thinking of you.
Blessings.
Hello Susie thanks for your lovely reply. I really posted on here because I felt so sorry for some of the messages. Like you I try to keep myself busy. I go out on the bus and talk to lots of people. I don’t drive. I belong to Kirstys crafting group on Facebook which has inspired me to craft. I’m not good but it’s good therapy. I have now got an 8 year old rescued cat, Disney who breaks the silence and is someone to talk to. I do miss Dave so much and do cry especially on a Sunday but am trying hard. These sites are marvelous for us I also belong to Widows and Widowers. We are lucky to be computer literate. Love to you. Breny and Disney x
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You sound as though you have got a handle on this horrible grieving thing. Yes even now I cry and like you Sunday’s are bad because that was his last day with me but one day we will be together again. I too got a rescue cat and it is so lovely coming back home to find her waiting for me, I do know if anything happens to her I will be devastated but that’s the price we pay for loving someone or in our case a cat. Be strong and don’t expect things to change anytime soon. I think originally I thought I would be doing ‘normal’ things again but it’s not like that and now I go from one day to the next and try hard not to worry. Take care.
Blessings to you
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You’ve helped me a lot, thank you. I thought I’d be normal soon too. Thinking of you, take care. Xx
Hi Breny. I was thinking about getting a rescue cat.
What do you think?Jeanette.x
Hi Ang, I too have always been part of a couple, my husband dealt with everything, now I find I cannot cope, Bill died in December last year, diagnosed with head and neck cancer in May. Bill has been a presence in my life for so many years, we first met at seventeen, it seems so strange that he is not “out there” any more. He was there for me after my husband left and eventually our friendship turned to love, I am lost.
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My rescue cat as gives me so much love and is always there. I do know we have a special bond and she was meant for me, if that makes any sense. Other people had said they wanted her but in the end didn’t but she did come with problems which I have had to deal with. My advice is don’t rush, go and look and if there’s a special one for you then ok if not go back again. My friends dog died and she went and got a young cat on her third attempt. They are easier than a dog and you can leave then overnight with food and water, they may make you pay for leaving them😾. What price for company.
Susie
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Ahh thank you Susie for your advice .Of course I will have a good think about getting a cat before I get one. Jeanette.x
Hello there, I wasn’t sure to start with but have done the right thing. I am 74 and have arthritis so I didn’t want a kitten or cat that goes out as it is busy outside my home. Disney is 8 and doesn’t go out. She breaks the awful silence. I talk to her like I did Dave, I am very pleased I got her. We have saved each other. Hope that helps you. Good luck. Xx
Hello there, I wasn’t sure to start with but have done the right thing. I am 74 and have arthritis so I didn’t want a kitten or cat that goes out as it is busy outside my home. Disney is 8 and doesn’t go out. She breaks the awful silence. I talk to her like I did Dave, I am very pleased I got her. We have saved each other. Hope that helps you. Good luck. Xx
Thanks Brent,
I do feel like I am in an awful mess, don’t know what I’m doing half the time, thanks for the reply they are good company
Thinking of you, I’m very up and down. It’s just over a year that I lost Dave. Dave had oesophical cancer, so that has been very hard to cope with like you. Take as best care of yourself as you can. And try to eat as best you can. I’m also on Widows and Widowers and it is another lovely group, I can recommend. Take care. One step at a time, baby steps. I’ve been told to do this and it does help if you can. Xx
Hi everyone. Beautiful sunny day but no company and fed up with the sound of my own voice.I like my own company to a certain point.Then I look at David’s picture and start to cry thinking I wish he was here with me having Sunday lunch and deciding what to watch on TV.Anyway we just carry on .I am organising a afternoon tea for my retirement. So its giving me something to focus on. Jeanette.x
Yes, Sunday’s are not easy and today we would have been celebrating 51 years since we said “ until death us do part” so I am keeping busy and trying to stay away from alcohol but later that won’t work. Blessings to everyone
Susie,
I’m on my 2nd large pinot. It’s my daughters 13th birthday and I cant believe my mum isnt here.
Cheryl x
Hi, yes ‘they’ say keep away from alcohol but sorry, I know it’s not good but I am sure it helps and now I am sorry but it gets me through this type of time when my self control is definitely out through the window. Cheers 
Tomorrow is another day and life will resume to what ever normal is now.
At least this is a place to go to share our thoughts.
Dear Trish, just read your message from February so I hope you are surviving the upheaval that the pandemic has caused in all our lives. Like you, I was married for a very long time… a lifetime in fact. I met Brian at art college in 1966, married in 72 and he died unexpectedly in 2018. I have never lived alone and really struggle with it. However many friends and family members you have, it’s that special relationship that they cannot replace. I heard Esther Rantzen say recently “There are plenty of people to do something with, but it’s having someone to do nothing with that you miss” and she is so right. I am trying to learn from friends that live alone but society favours couples which only becomes apparent when you aren’t one anymore. I have sought out friends that are on their own as another hurtful side effect of being a widow is that many couples prefer to only socialise with other couples.
Even now like you I still feel my husband close to me. I still talk to his photo and can still imagine that if he walked in the door right now it would not seem strange. It’s almost as though time has stopped in some way and although I know I have become a stronger more resourceful person, I do feel very vulnerable without him.
The memories are numerous aren’t they? Everything in my home has a connection to him and I feel lucky to have had such a long and happy relationship for most of my life… but we always wanted more of course!
Going into winter with another possible lockdown is going to be a challenge for us, but I agree we have to count our blessings and remember the happy lives we have had. Some never get that and we owe it to our partners to grow to be someone they would be proud of.
Keep well and safe Trish.
xx
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I have just read your post of 4 days ago and I agree and empathise with all your comments. I especially liked your quote from Esther Rantzen which is so very true.
Like you, we were married for a lifetime (56 years) and of course we wanted it to go on forever but in an instant all our plans and dreams vanished. Dealing with this void in my heart is very hard.
I am only 5 months on this unbearably sad and lonley journey, living alone with all the connections and memories of her surrounding me. I find it to be a very bitter-sweet emotion which I hope with time will become less bitter.
Take care and stay safe.
AL x
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