Havent been on here for a while. But i know this is the place to come because im sure someone feels like me!
I lost my partner coming up to 3 years ago now and his family have now decided its time to let him go! On his 40th birthday in a few weeks time.
I feel really unsure how i feel about this im nervous and im sure im gunna be an absolutely wreak! I feel like is this going to make me feel like he really is gone and i have nothing left? I really dont know. I have a ring with some ashes in. But i worried what if that breaks or i lose it id never be able to get another one.
Any advice would be so helpful right now! My brain is fried!!
3 Likes
Like you, I’m not quite ready to let him go, and I haven’t decided when yet, but I’m thinking his 60th would be appropriate.
Interring his ashes will feel like the last goodbye, but my case, I’m the one who’ll be making that decision, as there’s no other family to answer to.
Do you get on well with his family? Would they allow you to keep some ashes? Will your partner’s ashes be somewhere you can visit?
I hope you find a way through x
3 Likes
could you ask the family if you could have a small amount of ashes and buy something to put them in that you would like then if they are in the house with you you dont need to worry about losing them and also you were his partner so you do have rights dont know if that helps you at all and yes you get to be nervous and worried but i am sure you will handle it well everybody will be thinking of you
3 Likes
Yeah i get on really well with them to be honest. But think im probably just over thinking about asking if i can keep some.
Yeah they are going at a really nice place were he used to fish alot. Which i can visit im just not sure how i will feel about it as i havent been there since i was there with him.
Just all feels like so quick. But i get that they want it on a special birthday! X
3 Likes
my husband died four and a half months ago we were married for 47 years and it is very hard i still have his ashes well some went to a football ground he loved and so did his brothers as they died a few months apart but the rest will go on his 70th birthday in January to rest and be Thankfull in Scotland as that is what he asked for reason being he felt as the road up that way is always getting fixed because of rock slides he can keep an eye on it that was his sense of humour but it needs to be done and like yourself it will be hard but we just keep going dont we
2 Likes
One of my closest friends happens to be our funeral director and she had this made for me. Some of Andy’s ashes are in it so he will be with me always xxx
10 Likes
Aww that is for beautiful
I still have my mum’s ashes. I can’t bear to part with them.
Deborah x
3 Likes
I still have Rogers ashes.
I just can’t let them go yet.
I have a tiny little urn that sits on my bedside cabinet. It also goes with me if I go away.
If I’m upset at night I often go to sleep holding it, it fits nicely in my hand.
I often wake in the morning still holding it.
I do like the glass robin
X x
1 Like
I got some of my mums ashes made into a ring and a bracelet but i dont know what ti do witj the rest its such a hard thing to decide. 
so cant advise on it. But scattering them on his 40th birthday is a good way to remember him by.
1 Like
I’m looking to have some of Rogers ashes put in a bracelet.
I don’t know about the rest, but I find myself keep looking at urns so maybe I have decided
It’s so hard isn’t it?
X x
1 Like
yes i was looking at urns for a while there as well. It is difficult wish they could have told us what to do with them. xxxx
1 Like
My dilemma is that I overheard a conversation.
Roger was saying that he wanted his ashes scattered. I stopped listening.
Now I can’t find out who he was talking to and so I don’t know where he wanted to be scattered.
I’m quite happy with him being at home.
My daughter said to keep him.
I pointed out that I heard him say he wanted to be scattered, my daughter said he will be, when I go she’ll scatter us together.
I just wish either I’d listened properly or not heard it at all. Or asked him. But how do you ask someone who’s dying?
Another friend said that if he’d really been worried he would have told me.
I keep asking him for a sign to let me know
As you know, it’s just so hard
Big hugs to you
Liz x x
2 Likes
If you get on really well with the parents then express your concerns about setting him free, they may feel you’re fine with the idea of doing it. Could always ask for some of his ashes to go to a special spot yous would go to when you’re feeling ready x
2 Likes
I also have my husbands ashes, despite step-sons wishes. I wish to keep him by my side( well in our house) where we always were, inseperable, till i to meet my maker. Its whatever you feel suits you x
1 Like
Q@ginger68 the crem that still holds my mums ashes does the same robin or bluetit. I like the idea particularly as mum loved feeding/watching the birds in her garden but other half thinks it’s creepy. We don’t know what to do with mum’s ashes. the only place we can think to scatter them is under her favourite tree but we might have to sell her house.
Everyone is different. Only you can decide. If your brain is fried, that suggests you aren’t ready to make a firm decision yet. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured by what others want. If you really are not ready, then tell the family that. The fact that his 40th is coming in a few weeks, should not be regarded as a point when everyone should be ready to take this step. Those pushing for this may be ready, but should be prepared to take your wishes into account - but they can’t do that if they don’t know.
1 Like