Hello both it is such a heart-rending time for us all .
I am finding my days are so lonely and empty without my husband he was such a larger then life character, he was so jolly and I miss that so much . The house that we made together is so empty I find myself filling my time with anything that will just fill my day but it has no purpose now as all the sharing of our days together have gone . I cry from the moment I awake andl the tears will overwhelm me at any point during the day . I have our family and am lucky in this and am grateful when they visit me . It seems to me that there is nothing much we can do right now and we have to endure the pain of losing our loved one
Yes unfortunately we have no choice. Life can be sooo cruel. At the moment I can’t see any way out of this darkness this eclipse… So sorry to be of no help other than to share the space in this black hole of emptiness. I don’t think anyone who
hasn’t had the experience of this kind of loss can ever understand. I didn’t before my husband passed away.
I said some really strange things to bereaved people.
We can only hope that we will feel a little better in time to come… M
I totally sympathise with you I’m still lost . My husband of 40 years passed away January 2019 - I never thought I would get through the pain but surprisingly I have although not sure how. I thought I was improving slightly as I was making myself go out every day if only for half hour as I felt I needed to quell my anxiety. I still cry randomly but I just go with the flow and don’t try and stop it- hopefully with a bit more time I will begin to heal. It’s a extremely hard time for all of us who have lost a loved one and we can only try and support each other- Marilyn
Dear Marilyn
I so agree its now more than 3 months since my husband died and I hate to wake up in the morning… What for… I have some very good friends but I can see they don’t understand. They want me back as I was and I can’t. They have lost a friend… I somehow try to pretend a bit for my only son who’s devastated losing his father. That’s all… I can’t see this ending I’m so sorry for us all. I do respect all off you who seem to be able to soldier one… M
Of on sorry mistakes to
The onset of the Coronavirus due to having no physical contact with family and friends is not helping anyone bereaved at the moment making people who are left alone feeling vulnerable. I’m really trying not to take a step backwards in the healing process but it’s not working .one day at a time I’m trying but the constant flow of tears has started again. All we can do is hope tomorrow is a little easier.
Hi all this getting worse. Life has become unbearable without Penny 
Had Heath problems have now got to have a fall medical check up and blood test they are not happy how the last 18 months have gone. How my wife Penny and myself had not received the medical care and check ups we should have had but didn’t get how we managed to fall though the net for so long without being noticed. xx
I lost my husband Christmas Eve and I can say that I am feeling exactly like you life has no purpose now he’s gone everything I did was for him to think that I have to make a future without him is unbearable
hi Mairanne
some maybe feel it gets easier,in essence we learn to live with the devastation of losing the one we shared our whole life with and loved so much.and its because we love them so much we are here,trying find a way that might help usget through the days and nights etc.
its just sad that some friends dont even try to understand and expect us to dust our selves down and go on as if nothing as happened .Me ive said adios to them,but you will find a way to cope and thats what we all have to try do,and whats working for me ,isnt going work for many,and what works for you wont work for everyone.hopefully you will learn to live life as best you can.
regards
ian.
Hi Ian like yourself we are struggling to come to terms with the loss of the one person that ment that life. I haven’t been on then forum for a while but life just hasn’t moved on. As you say they think you should dust the selves off and get on with it. Family and Friends just don’t understand. It’s like my Penny never was. Don’t hear from one of them. Then that was the way it was Penny and myself checking to see if everyone was ok. Just hope somehow we manage to cope with our Special loss that one person that was our life. Regards Graham.
Hi Marianne,
Am so sorry to read your post. You are not alone, and although your loved ones are unique to you, so many people are walking your walk. Thank you for sharing and reaching out from your heart.
Grief for me started at 10. My mother passed after a long battle with cancer. She was 43. My dad tried all manner of things to create a sense of normality, but he neglected to just be a dad. Then he went at 67, 24 years later.
I have lived my entire life unable to allow myself to connect with true love. I was taught that life will take away the things you hold dearest, and to fear unconditional love. My subconscious does not allow it and the passive fear makes me push people away.
I discovered this at 46, as my marriage began to fall apart in the shadow of a recognition that I’ve done nothing but fail to value my wonderful amazing wife for 16 years. We have three young boys.
So this is in effect my fourth loss. The thing that destroys me is that I didn’t ask for any of it. I wasn’t in control of any of it. And I had no choice.
I know my story has almost no bearing on what you feel, but I wanted to really reflect with a gratitude for you sharing by doing the same.
I am currently coping by learning about psychotherapy techniques, specifically Transactional Analysis. I chose this because I needed some method of working towards finding reconciliation and understanding about what is in effect a lifelong catastrophe.
What it has taught me is that we emotionally exist between three basic emotional states: child, parent, adult. And when grief bubbles up and becomes uncontrollable upset (as a child looking for consolation and comfort) how to learn to move myself into my “parent” to provide my own reassurance. Additionally where the child/grief need is too strong to do that, to be in my “adult” and focus entirely on the here and now.
I have also found mindfulness, and with it enjoyed the benefit of meditation.
My family may still be imploding, but I am a profoundly different person. For once in my
life I am open to unconditional love. And I can see the irony of it all.
I wish peace to your troubled heart.
Grief is a very human process, and yours is unique to you. I implore you to write a post-it on your forehead that says “trust in the process”. As time goes by this simple reassurance can mean whatever it has to, but what it does do is pin a reminder on yourself that you are doing something painful but natural. If all it does is gives you a second of respite, then two seconds the next time etc, then it is serving a purpose.
I often think about the heartache my dad had to go through. And although my wife is alive and well, my heart is with you from my loss of her.
Be kind to yourself.
Give yourself total permission to feel however you need to feel.
And be patient with yourself.
- Jon x
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