My husband dropped dead suddenly & unexpectedly in our en-suite while I was sleeping in the bedroom. He was 57 - I’m 53 and my life ended. I literally lived for him - did everything for him. He was all I wanted or needed. I had no friends or social life because he was everything to me. This was 3 weeks ago on 07.11.23.
We had no children together but he had 2 from a previous marriage. My step-children faded away within days. The only family I have is a sister with dementia who lives in a care home. I feel all alone in the world. If I didn’t make it back home after my final nightly dog walk there would be nobody to notice, let alone care.
I have had suicidal thoughts but the only 2 things that have stopped me are (a) my dog, and (b) the thought that we will be together again one day - but this might not happen if I take my own life.
Before they faded away my stepchildren said that they’d felt their dad with them. I just feel pain, loneliness, pointless.
I’ve heard many people online say that they’ve seen, felt, heard or smelt their loved one. I wish I could. I talk to him & I’d dearly live to know he can hear me.
He had seen several spirits (one of which I was present at - it was behind me - but I KNOW from his reaction that he was not lying).
I’m thinking that if anyone on here had experienced something like this then they wouldn’t be on here anymore as it would be so comforting. But I thought I’d ask anyway?
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling lonely and you can’t imagine life without him. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
We also have the below which may be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Reality , get in touch with one of these services.
I’m so sorry for your loss, the pain will be unbearable. My husband died at just 54 6 mths ago, i am 50, we have no children and no family. No close friends, just each other, and our beloved dogs. I can honestly say, if it weren’t for the dogs, we would have left together, and things have been horrendous, of course they have. But things are slowly getting easier, I am beginning to make plans for moving forward , business wise, and the dogs insist i keep going. I thought i would only carry on as long as the dogs did, but things are a little less dark. You will find the light again, stay strong, it’s an awful bumby ride, but you will get through it
It’s comforting to know someone is in the same situation as I am.
We had honestly thought we’d be together into our 80s and now the prospect of living that long fills me with dread.
I honestly have no idea how to go on without him so I have to force myself to just look 5 minutes ahead when I lose that focus, I start to lose control.
Honey, that’s all you can do just now, honestly, i was the same until very recently, and suddenly things calmed a little. But i had panic attacks (paper bags are handy), and i lost a lot of weight, and exactly a month after losing him, i lost one of our beloved dogs. I have no one to help, we live in the north of Scotland, quite remote, but, he left us in the middle of renovating a dilapidated cottage. And, i think, silly as it sounds, this task which is now mine alone, may be one of the things that drags me through, the knowing that it has to be done, and no one else is going to do it (i have asked the dogs but they refuse ). I’m sorry for what you have to go through, it is brutal, and raw, and unimaginably painful, but, you will do it, you really will
@Hoggy1 I’m so very sorry to hear about your dog. If anything happened to my pup now it would SERIOUSLY just finish me off.
It is surreal, but we had only moved into a bungalow 18 months ago & were also busy renovating that. We got half way through it. Now I’ll also have to finish that on my own. I know what his plans were & I will finish the place according to his wishes. I’m hoping he’s going to be able to ‘see’ it finished (I really do hope he’s hanging around & watching over me)
I really believe he will be. I felt so lost hoping for a sign, but it’s been the little things lately, concerning ideas for the house, and talking to him about little compromises. It is very therapeutic, and also, it demands time, and energy, which helps to use up the days. I am starting to feel stronger, because i have to be i suppose, but i just keep talking to him, and believing that he is watching. Hoping he approves! These things will get us through honey, one day at a time, that’s all you have to do, nothing more, all in your time
@Reality
Hello . I dont have a partner but i did see both my parents spirits a couple of weeks after they passed . When i told my mum she didnt believe me and then my mum appeared to me when she passed . Im not a religious person but i do belive there is something else after this life . I hope my experiences can give you a bit of comfort on this long and difficult journey .
Lots of love
Angie x
@Angie4 Thank you so much! . When my parents died I was comforted that they were together, not in pain, in a better place, etc. I had no doubt.
But losing my husband has been a whole different matter. I don’t know if it makes sense to you - but I don’t want to believe he’s there, I want to KNOW that he’s there (if you see what I mean?)
I have never seen anything (he did) but I did smell my father in my home (not the family home) many years after he had passed.
Some things have happened in our home in the last few weeks which have made me wonder:
-the day that he died, when I went back to the house later in the day there was a small, pristine dove-grey feather lying on the carpet directly under where his head had been
the robotic vacuum just STOPPED & was sitting in exactly the same place when I got back home one night
the Alexa just came on in the bedroom (the same room that these other things happened) and was just playing music & talking (I wasn’t even in that room)
I SO MUCH want it to be him but I think I’m just scared to believe that it is in case I’m just being delusional
Hi reality i lost my partner 7 months ago and i do beleve they send us signs like you have witnessed ,i find that so comforting .Having spoken to lots of people who have had signs also i beleve we will be reunited when its our time .we are all on the same journey and know how you feel you will get lots of support on this forum xxxx
Hello. You are not being delusional . Its great that you are noticing the signs from your husband , a lot of people dont see them . I have had lots of signs from my mum - smell of perfume in her bedroom , cool breeze going over me and no windows open , dream visitations . Your husband is with you , our loved ones keep an eye on us and i find that comforting .
Love Angie x
@Reality It’s a terrible loss when they go so suddenly and in their 50 s my husband was too . Everything I see I hope is a sign from him . Butterfly’s , robins and feathers . I saw a medium and she definitely fetched him to me . She said he is always with me and that was a great comfort. My big hugs to you
Thank you so much @Angie4 I also find that immensely comforting.
I was woken at 5am this morning because my husband’s Tesla (it’s a company car, not his personal car) was flashing it’s lights on the driveway. When I checked the app it said that it had a ‘Connection 54’ error - he LOVED that car and had it for 3 years and this is the first time it’s ever done that. Today I am feeling the best that I have since I lost him - because I’m starting to feel like I haven’t and he’s still with me.
I don’t know if it will - but I hope this feeling lasts.
I’m going to make an appointment with a very reputable one who we had both been to see together a couple of years ago. My husband said a few days before he died that he wanted to go to see her again. It might be too early to hear from him but there are plenty of other family members over there who can pass on a message from him
@Reality
Hello again . Thats wonderful you are getting more signs and its helping you to feel a bit better. I hope it continues , stay safe and warm .
Love Angie x
Since I lost my wife of 48 years almost 12 months ago, I have researched the possibility of survival of consciousness a lot and continue to do so. I was promoted after a contact told me something that happened to him. I am not religious but am now convinced that survival is not only possible but probable. There is wealth of science backed evidence and tons of long standing research at a number of Universities and specialist foundations still ongoing in this country and many others, including such areas as Near Death Experiences, reincarnation, mediumship and neurological science. I have personally had a few inexplicable experiences and find it all increasingly comforting. Check out the Windbridge Institute and the Forever Family Foundation as a start…but there is a lot of stuff to look at if you feel inclined.
@UnityMan Thank you so much for this information. I will definitely look at these recommendations. I would love to hear about your inexplicable experiences if you would be able to share? Maybe even personal message if you don’t want to make it public?
@Angie4 Thank you for that diagram. I have had things moved around or finding things in places that I did not/could not have put them, weird random knocks/noises and (so far) one feather. I honestly don’t 'think I would hear whispers or even see anything because it would freak me out (but perhaps the emotions that go with him would override that?) So far, the most prevalent things that are happening are related to electricity/technology that worked fine before but doesn’t seem to want to work properly since he passed.
I find it incredibly comforting to feel that he is still here and that I can still share my life with him - albeit in a new, unexpected way.
When you say you’re filled with dread to think you could live into your 80s, I feel your pain as I am the same, at 26 I can’t bear to think of living another year without my love. I’m sending you a big hug & hope you find the strength to keep going
Calm yourself know, these events around the house are much more normal then we think and are quite usual events of paranormal investigation.
When my brother passed in 2021 I had a strange experience the following night, a battery movement operated light started going berserk in my bedroom as I was settling down to sleep, and something unseen(it was dark) was hitting it occasionally to make it stay on, I called out to my brother for some reason and it stopped(I am slightly clairvoyant and knew the minute he died from a brain tumor, later confirmed by a phone call from his tearful wife)
Close friend had a similer experiance 50 miles away same night, make of that what you will, I think he was in the room, there is no other rational explanation, when you know what something isant you are left with what it is, no matter how incredible it may seem, read survival of the soul by Lisa Williams, you will find it very interesting.
There was nothing wrong with the light when I examined it the following morning,make off that what you like, I think my brother
). I’m sorry for what you have to go through, it is brutal, and raw, and unimaginably painful, but, you will do it, you really will 
