Hello christine, so sorry to hear you have lost your mum… and am sorry to hear that your sister is moving, must be really hard for you. Have you got any other friends that could come and check on you, see if there’s anything you need. I know it’s hard to reach out, but am sure that people will help if you explain. I too can’t imagine movi g on from this constant longi g to be with mum. Miss her all the time.e
I don’t have a life outside of my house because of my panic attacks. I only have my therapist. I left my old life and everyone I knew to start over years ago and have been trapped by agoraphobia ever since. My sister helped me when I needed stuff but also to get out of the house. When she is gone I will have no one. I cannot believe that she doesn’t know the impact this will have on me. Mam was everything to me. I spoke to her every day (more than once). She helped me, encouraged me, understood and accepted how I am without pushing. My family are not willing to accept that I cannot be fixed. They won’t listen to me, I am not allowed to be this upset. I am beyond upset. Its like a grenade has exploded and I am totally shattered by mam’s leaving me. I wish I had the option to have gone with her when she went. I can’t bear this desperation. It does help posting on here but doesn’t take away the pain. I work through emotion and am left hollow until it starts again. This is the third day where I can’t open my curtains and I haven’t got out of bed. I just can’t function. I don’t see the point in doing any of the stuff we do to get through the day.
Am so sorry to hear that your family is not more supportive. When I first lost my mum I wanted to join her too, couldn’t see past the pain. But I realise now that’s not what she would have wanted, and am sure that your mum would feel the same. I have realised that it’s OK to not be OK, and there’s no time limit on grief . Sending love
Thanks sal, that has really helped. Sorry you have lost your mum too. We will get through this . We just have to remember that x
I am so sorry for your loss and for the situation you’re in with your family. I have a friend who has agoraphobia and she finds it impossible to leave her home due to her anxiety. I hope i’m not giving unwanted information or advice, she uses a service called Homeshare UK where if you have a spare room they can match you up with people who can offer help around the home, in exchange for reasonable cost accommodation. I just wanted to share this with you to offer some reassurance that there might be similar options available where you live, so you don’t feel alone if your sister does intend to move. Not a fix but perhaps a option of something different, allow you to be you.
Take care x
I lost my mum a week before Christmas and with covid felt at a loss sorting things out and realising mum has gone …now waiting for mums ashes to be returned and also worrying about returning to work?I don’t feel ready to return to work,dreading the things people will say which I know will upset me and don’t want to be crying in the workplace…some days I just feel don’t want to do anything and other days I’m trying to think if things to do…I still keep seeing mums face the day before she died and I knew she wouldn’t be with us much longer after that…Christmas was strange without her and life does go on but it’s hard…
I’m in the same boat as you I lost my mum two weeks before Christmas last year. I’m waiting for my mums ashes aswell everytime the phone goes I think it’s them telling me. Like you I don’t want to go back to work yet I’m going to renew my sick note as I can’t cope at moment it was the first time yesterday it really hit me.
What a wonderful solution. I just wish I had an extra bedroom. I live in a one bedroom bungalow, housed because of my situation when my parents retired. I was housed as a vulnerable person because I could barely leave my bedroom. I hope more people find out about this. It would make all the difference to someone like me. I’m going to share it with another person I know on here. Thank you so very much. Much love xxx
Anyone who has lost a partner and wants company might also welcome this option. There are so many lonely and broken people on here. Could you perhaps post it with details as a new category? Such a good idea as long as it’s safe and matches the needs of those involved. Take care xxx
Hi Lou, It took 7 weeks for us to get mams ashes and it was devastating, like she had left us all over again. I revisited the outside space where they lay the coffin with flowers and I had to sit on the ground I was so upset. I haven’t opened my curtains for 3 days now and it’s such a struggle to even get out of bed. Take as much time off work as you need to. My sister keeps having to leave early because she is so upset. Nothing can make it better and I don’t know how anyone moves forward. My therapist said to do things I enjoyed while mam was still with me in order to move away from the grief. Then I will be able to enjoy her again instead of being absolutely broken but I can’t imagine not crying all day, every day. x
We are not robots. Take as much time off work as you are able. My sister goes in and is so upset she has to leave. I know people say we will get over it but I cannot imagine doing that without my mam here. I am totally devastated. It’s her birthday on Wed. and I don’t know if I can celebrate at all (fireworks, chinese lanterns, a mam rosebush for the garden). I was so very upset that her card will be late. Everything is so very devastating. I’m so sorry about your mam. They are so precious to us, and we to them. I just feel hollow inside, the essence of all that I enjoyed went when she left me behind. I would do anything to join her. Take care x
Thankyou for your kind words,I’m even struggling getting around this site and looking here there and everywhere …just came across your message so think I’m not doing something right here…x
Hi Brynny, after I lost my mum I went back to work too soon,and couldn’t cope, just couldn’t stop crying, so they sent me home. The doctor signed me off, I was off for 2 months. I just needed some time. I haven’t felt like the same person since I lost my mum, just don’t know how to feel happy. I know it will get easier, but I also know it’s going to be a long road
Hi…yes I don’t want to return to work too early as I know people will approach me on the loss of my mum and I know I will start to cry…I don’t even want to go back to work just yet…I was off work for 5 mnths late 2020 early 2021,looking after mum with her Dementia then returned to work mid April and still cared for her upto her going into a care home I think mainly for my mental health…I just feel at a loose end and days when I just can’t be bothered doing anything…
Yes, it is hard when people approach you, and say how sorry they are, I still find that hard. If your not ready to go back to work, get your doctor to sign you off for longer. Only you know when you are ready to go back. Be kind to yourself
@Jasmine195 So sorry got your loss.My mum passed away on Monday,so very recent,but I know how you feel,I don’t think I’ll be able to be happy again.My mum was my life and my world and I am unbearably lost and lonely without her.
My mum had heart failure as well as bowel cancer so she was quite ill but still not classed as end of life so I was unable to visit her until 4 days before she passed away,even the day she died the step down centre said she ate her breakfast so I wasn’t expecting it.
The regret will stay with me that I was trying to
Phone her when she died,if I’d phoned sooner,would I have been able to speak to her one last time,I will never know
Hello so sorry you have lost your mum. The thing I have learned from this site, is we all have regret, we all have guilt about things we wish we,d said or done. Since my mum passed last july, I have these feelings all the time, and they are so painful to live with. The relationship we we have with our mums is like no other, and no one prepares you for hard it will be when there gone. I know that I will never be the same person again without my mum, miss being with her every day. I know that she wouldn’t want me to feel like this, but just don’t know how to feel really happy without her
What lovely words Sal; very supportive and caring