Life after the funeral

Coping with bereavement
1

I’ve spoken to a few people on here already about my mum (passed away May 24th).

Her funeral wasn’t until June 20th, so we had quite a while to wait. But during that time everyone was very sympathetic and lovely towards me and my family. Now the funerals done and everything has gone back to normal (as such as it can anyway) people tend to stop asking how you are just assume you’re ok.

It’s only when it goes silent and you’re left thinking about the extent of what’s happened that it hits you. Sounds daft but I get upset looking at work e-mails and letters dated before May 17th (the date my mum had a cardiac arrest at home, spent a week on life support) and I think, at that time in my life, my mum was alive and at home, and it makes me shake thinking about it.

She is showing signs still though, we took my dad to the pub on Tuesday to watch the England v Colombia match, and my mum always got into the world cup, and a butterfly was flying over and around our heads before purching itself near us where it stayed for the rest of the match, then the morning after, a watch she was given while she was in hospital by some of her old work colleagues, my dad gave it to me and it fell off my desk and into a cardboard box on the floor (amazon crap I order lol) i’ve took that as my mum telling me to wear it so I’ve worn it every day since lol.

But it’s just the realisation of that I’m not gonna see her again in this life, no more hugs or texts or daft snapchats off her. It’s all gone.

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Dear KNW93, We posted to each other before, and I appreciated getting your reply. I read your post today, and must comment that I have been feeling the exact same way as you. The memorials are over, the cards and texts and emails stopped, and the phone calls have silenced. People are on to something else, but I am alone in my grief and despair. It is said that “the real grief work” begins after the funerals, memorials, and family gatherings," and how true that is. If only people knew how important it is to get a follow up call, just to see how we are doing in those dark weeks and months following the loss. You are right in that people expect we should be “moving on,” but my question is where do we move on to? I remember how grateful people were when I contacted them, or sent a card even months after their loss, they told me they felt no one cared any more and I can understand that. How do you put a time limit on compassion? I am glad you are getting signs, I believe I had a some signs from my beloved sister in my dreams. My departed mum also visited in the dream, so they must together and in peace. I do hope the signs you are getting are comforting, and I can only suggest that you find support in those closest to you, and hopefully you will not feel so abandoned by others. But I do understand because I am experiencing the same thing.