Life After

On June 3rd 2017 I received the message from a friend that someone close to me took their life and since then I’ve felt empty.

My relationship with this person was romantic at first but after a while we ended it and remained friends. He moved on to another girl who changed herself for him and refused him to contact me, But we did anyway.

He had battled depression since he was very young and yet he remained funny and had a dark humour.

We talked for years about how our lives were and I found he’d sunken into alcoholism and soon after his girlfriend left him because she didn’t want to deal with it. But she knew of his depression and what could happen.

He joined AA and at that point my dad told me to block him and I did because they didn’t want me to contact him. The last call we had was that he was back at his parents from uni break and he wanted someone to call and he knew I would always pickup. The last thing we said was goodbye before he took his life.

I loved him so much, not romantically like I had when we were younger but this kind of love that no matter what happens you have it. And he did too.

I have all of these questions and there are no answers and I feel I could have done more. We lived in the same area and all I see is him everywhere. I keep telling myself that he’s happy now but it only adds to the emptiness I feel.

I don’t know what to do anymore

Hi Aimee,

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend taking his own life - it sounds as though he was very important to you. It is understandable that you feel you have a lot of unanswered questions .

I hope that writing things down here helps to get them off your chest a little. There are lots of supportive people here who have experienced bereavement of all different kinds. There is also an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide, which you might find helpful - it offers a helpline, email support and local support groups.