Does anyone else feel like life feels more like a chore since losing their OH?
Ever since he’s gone everything seems so pointless. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. When I’m surrounded by other people I can have a laugh and a joke but I find it tiring. It will be 13 weeks on Wednesday since I lost him and the raw grief, anger and bawling my eyes out has subsided a lot but now I’m just feeling that life is a chore that I’d rather not have to deal with every day.
I don’t know if I’m becoming depressed or if this is normal
It was like that for me. I don’t see a purpose as the whole reason I did anything was for my partner. I thought if him all day, I planned out dinners thinking about what he would like, I was always thinking about him, he was my first thought when I did anything.
He was my reason to do everything and now it’s all pointless and a waste of time to be fair.
It’s shit isn’t it I try my best to accept invitations, have people over etc but it’s just pointless and done to fill my days.
I still have to go home to an empty house, sleep in an empty bed and lie there wishing he was there.
Every morning I wake up it’s like here we go again
I just don’t know how to change things
If it’s any consolation I feel the same. I’m trying to find things to do all the time even though I have no motivation for them. Jobs around the house, shopping, meeting up with family & friends. I’m really just doing it to keep me distracted from my thoughts. It’s 10 weeks for me and I still cry loads. I feel so lonely. Will we ever have anything like a normal life again?
I can’t be bothered with anything around the house or garden anymore. He’d kill me for being like this after he worked so hard on everything but I just can’t be bothered anymore. It’s all so pointless without him.
When he was here we both took pride in keeping everything neat and tidy because it was a home for the two of us to enjoy. Now it’s just a house that I mope around in
I feel lonely too even when I’m surrounded by people. I met him when I was 20, not long before my 21st. I’m 38 now. He was the one constant in my life, the one person I could always depend on and the one person who cared and worried about me always.
I miss him soo much
@LostLil I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some advice for you but I don’t. I hope that we all find a purpose in life and find contentment. But if I’m honest I can’t imagine it at the moment. Sending hugs
I’m 8.5 months in now and thankfully I’m out of that stage. I do remember it well.
Now my life feels pretty much back to how it was prior to him passing. My routine with the kids etc. Sometimes it feels like he’s just at work… This is sad though as I guess it means I’m moving on.
It’s hard for you as you don’t have kids to occupy a lot of your time. Now I’m completely on my own I’m finding there isn’t enough hours in the day. Could you not get a dog or something? It’s early days for you still though so they say not to do anything rash.
You will probably change again in another 3/6 months. Just hang on in. It’s probably the depression side.
For me too it seems every day is a struggle, just another day to get through with not enjoying anything and just looking at how to make the day go quicker. Such an awful existence without my husband in my life.
I’m 19 weeks on this awful path and feel very similar to everyone else. I do stuff but nothing has any meaning. @Kat1984 your post is so reassuring that there may be a glimmer of hope!
Hi everyone.
I have been reading this topic with interest and I hope I am not going to sound uncaring but honestly you have only lost your loved ones a matter of weeks and they was a very big part of your life for many years so it does take time to re-adjust to a different life.
Personally I tried to meet every new emotion with some sort of positive outlook. It didn’t always work and I had many a meltdown (we all know about them). I had my depressed times where I felt everything was such hard work but I didn’t want to feel so miserable for the rest of my life. If I was having a bad day I tried to do something that would throw my mind into a different mindset. I caught a bus, went for a drive or walked my beloved dogs (I do this everyday anyway). I kept our allotments and could throw myself into working there. I worked in my own garden also. It’s not easy but it can be done. I kept a record of everything I did each day so that I knew I was making myself do something no matter how trivial. I also found that with time I changed. I started doing new things and then very often stopped again. I picked up on interests that I never thought I would do again. I never forced myself I just let it happen. Above all I was blessed to have my lovely dogs. Through them I have made new friends to walk with. I am never short of someone to chat to and I am now happy with my own company. It was so hard in the beginning though. I was also trying to avoid people. There really is so much out there and I am sure when you start to sort yourselves out you will slot into a routine that suits you but it is not easy and has to be worked at. It is now four years for me and I find it hard to relax as I am busy, busy. It is a rollercoaster of emotions and the waves do come crashing at times but eventually they can also become small ripples. Not for one moment do I forget my husband. He is with me every single moment.
Goodluck to you all and have faith that your pain will become easier to cope with.
Pat
xx
@Pattidot@Kat1984 it’s so good to have these reminders that it does get better, despite the grief still being there.
I briefly, coming home from work, had a moment of complete normality then it hit me that he wasn’t around but like you @Pattidot I don’t want to be dragged down into a dark hole, never to see life again. My partner would be sad to see me waste my life and I do want to live it, for me , for him.
I do like the positive posts that do show life can get better. I know my life will never be the same, it’s changed immeasurably but I hope to find that I like the new life ahead of me and I know I’m responsible for making that life.
It’s so easy to give in and give up but I don’t want to be that person. Let’s see how it goes, step at a time.
Hi all, I too feel like I am having to force myself to do things. It will be 12 weeks on Sunday for me and I have been left with a bungalow to do up.
I am trying to do things each day and have surprised myself how much DIY skills I picked up from my husband. I am just getting round to organising trades to come in. It is keeping me busy but at the same time I can not be bothered. It’s not the same.
I work in a school and have decided I’m not going back till September. I cannot face it or want to.
It still feels like he could come through the door at any moment. Will it always feel like that? Miss him loads!
@Lou33 I too keep busy filling my days with diy, shopping, walking, meeting people etc. It will be 11 weeks for me on Sunday. @Pattidot I too appreciate the positive posts. I don’t think any of us want to be miserable forever. But wanting and getting is not the same. Like I said I fill my days but I can’t shake of the heartbreak, the loneliness and get little pleasure from all the things I do. I’m on a waiting list for counselling and I’m back at work 2 days a week. I’m really at a loss what else I can do to progress. But I do take comfort from the positive posts that perhaps one day I will enjoy life again.
It’s like waiting for the day when you feel normal again without the yearning and aching inside. But your right the positive posts are encouraging but just feels like we’re never going to get there x
I feel exactly the same. Its 10 weeks now and I keep thinking what is life about now? What is it for?
I understand these are normal feelings at this point but how on earth do people go on?
I am thinking of you and sending big hugs. Sending big hugs to you xx
Today the grief has been a bit niggly. What I wrote before is mainly true but sometimes I just miss him, then it sucks again. I like that though, I would seriously worry if it was all happy days and I rarely thought of him.
Like Pattidot said, a lot of you are only weeks in, what you’re feeling is completely normal. I was always checking if my grief was right in them early weeks. It does get better though, you really do have to keep that faith.
Some people might be years in and claim to still feel depressed and still hate their life. I do think that if you want to feel better you really do have to put some effort in though. I was sitting round the house moping, paying for a expensive gym membership that I wasn’t using. Eventually I started doing more, going out more. I forced myself to go to that gym even when my insides were screaming NO!
I now have booked a holiday abroad in the next few weeks, I’m planning on going parasailing. I’ve started doing weight lifting classes at the gym, ( something well out of my comfort zone) I actually like it. I’m having Botox tomorrow to get rid of two frown lines that have bothered me for a while. What I’m basically trying to say is, I’m doing all the things in life that I wouldn’t have done before. My husbands death has almost given me the kick to try new things. They say you need to find your new normal and I hated that saying. I didn’t want a new normal, but I guess that’s what I’m doing.
Try challenging yourselves, anything you ever wanted to do, try, buy or see - go for it! You’re a long time dead. My husband died long before he should, he never got to do a lot of things, so I’m doing them for the both of us.
Haha, I know we are the same age and I’ve noticed that since my OH has died my frown lines are awful
I know it’s because when I cry my face scrunches up. Sometimes I’ll be lying in bed crying and trying to hold my frown lines apart to try and not make them worse I think I might consider botox in the future
Ah good for you, hopefully I’ll get to that stage soon. I don’t want to be miserable forever and he wouldn’t want me to be either.
I do get what you’re saying. Things won’t improve unless I make an effort to enjoy life again it’s just hard at this early stage
Yes it’s also hard when people say don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s a balance, if you feel crap do what you want, cry, mope, shut out the world but if you feel like it’s closing in then try and break the cycle.
Haha I keep telling everyone I’m having Botox, they all look at me like I’m nuts, especially when I’ve booked a clinic 25 mile away as I want to be discrete I’ll probably be going to turkey next year for a mummy make over! I’ll end up like Katie Price!
Hi Lil
I’m the same 11 weeks since my soulmate died suddenly with no previous illness, he was fit n active even on the day he died. I feel as though my whole life is following apart and there is nothing I can do to fix it. People keep telling me to keep busy so I try but the hopelessness is only being postponed till I’m on my own and it all comes back. It is quite indescribable how I feel
@Lindy227 sorry for your loss and welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. It’s been nearly 11 weeks for me too since my husband passed away after a battle with cancer. We were married nearly 35 years. Although our journeys are all different, we share a lot of the same feelings. This forum has been a huge help. It’s nice to know we are not alone in this heartbreak & despair. Keep posting and hopefully you will find it beneficial too. Take care.
I try my best to accept invitations, have people over etc but it’s just pointless and done to fill my days.
Haha, I know we are the same age and I’ve noticed that since my OH has died my frown lines are awful 
I think I might consider botox in the future