It’s been 2years 2months and seven days since you died. I’m still trying to get to grips with this horrendous heartbreaking journey of grief that has been forced Upon us. I miss you every second of everyday. I love you with all my heart and soul and i always will. All i do is exist now. I stopped living the day you died. I keep on trying for you and our furbabies. But I’m still so lost and feel so empty withoutyou. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. So i suppose i have to try to get used to living with it. But everything just feels so wrong withoutyou. Life withoutyou scares me. You were my rock. You grounded me and when i sank into deep depression you were the only one who could pull me out of it. I was so lucky to have had you in my life and to be loved by you. I don’t know how the hell you put up with me. I’m struggling to live with me. My mental health has got worse since you died. My ocd is spiralling out of control. Not that i ever had much control over it. I so want to do better for you and make you proud of me. But i don’t know if i can…i feel like I’m nothing but a failure and worthless. Your death has changed me so much. I used to be afraid to die. Not anymore because death can’t be as bad as the heartbreak and pain i feel withoutyou. I have lost the capacity to love. Apart from loving you and our pets. I could die tomorrow and no one in my family would give a crap. But i won’t give up. No matter how much i want to at times. I carry you with me babe. You made me a better woman and gave me the happiest and best years of my life. You loved me like no one ever had and i love you more than i have ever loved anyone or ever will. There will never be anyone else for me. I just want you. You were an amazing lady. So beautiful, kind, gentle, loving, Considerate, intelligent, funny, passionate, witty, you always made me laugh. I barely smile now. Let alone laugh. I haven’t cried for a long time. I don’t know why? The heartbreak and pain isn’t any less. I have time’s when the tears want to come. But i hold them in. I don’t know why I’m doing that. Maybe I’m scared to let them go. I dunno? For so long i was crying every day and night. Crying myself to sleep. I think i sleep way to much now. I think it’s because when I’m sleeping I’m not thinking or feeling. One day we will be together again. We have to be as we belong together. We were made for eachother. Until we meet again darling. I love you my sweet beautiful perfect Irish rose 
. Always yours casey xxxxx
Dear Cassey, I am so sorry that you are suffering so much. We all know how much you are suffering because we do the same. Some days are almost good, some days are really bad. I started crying immediately after I woke up. I hate that I am still here without him. I am on this horrible journey now four months and seven days after almost 26 years together and 15 years and two months married. Please take care of yourself. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
@Annaessex dear anna i am so very sorry you are going through this heartbreak. It’s so hard isn’t it. I also hate being here withouther. We had almost 21 years together. It is so soul destroying to lose your soulmate. I do believe we will be reunited with them one day. Take care and thankyou for replying to me. It helps to talk on here. Sending hugs and love x
Casey, I feel exactly the same as the title of your letter to your partner. I’m only 5 months in and experiencing all the same feelings, of losing someone irreplaceable, who was your better half, who made things right when they were wrong, and who had endless patience tolisten to you. The pain comes in waves, some hours are ok, some are filled with tears of regret and guilt at everything we maybe should or could have done. I hope you find strength to cope, through similar messages on this site, as I am doing. Go easy on yourself, you will never forget her, and your heart will heal a little more over time - just nobody can tell you how long that will be. Take comfort in keeping something special to you both, nearby at all times. A perfume, a necklace, a photo. She is close to you still. Sending many hugs.
Im so sorry your going through this horrible journey .its 13 weeks since i lost my husband .my life is empty .im lost .lonely .and dont want to live this life without kev .my family dont seem to understand .they have their husbands and kids .they get on with life .they dont understand the pain im in .the loneliness as they live away from me . .i feel im spiralling into deep depression and cant get out .why is life so cruel .sending you hugs x
I have just got past 9 months since my beloved husband passed. I miss him so much it hurts. I am going out, joining things and started a new job. They fill time but underneath it all I can’t access the joyful me that I lost. I have friends and family but I feel alone and life seems meaningless. I feel that I am doing things to just get through the day and then go to bed to fill the time until the next day! I am usually a positive person but feel kind of numb at the moment.
Candy, you’re not alone in feeling this way. I feel numb too, and only existing, rather than living in a fulfilling way. You’re doing really well to get out and see people, but they can’t fill the hole that your husband left. It does, however, give you space to feel and grieve more gradually over time, without being alone with your thoughts which can take you down in a spiral. Keep telling yourself you are taking small steps, and doing well for that, and don’t expect too much of yourself too soon. There is no timeframe for when we stop hurting. Life will bring you different joys, in time, never the same as you had with your husband - but different. I hope each day will get a little easier for you, and send you hugs and support to get through these difficult “drifting” days meanwhile.
Thank you, Jay. 
@Jay19 dear jay I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this heartbreak. I think guilt is a part of the grief. It tortures us. As if we are not going through enough pain already. I talk to her everyday,countless time’s a day. Kiss her picture when i get up every morning and every night before bed. Their love is always with us and nothing can take that from us. Take care sending hugs x
@Franky56 dear franky thank-you. I am so very sorry you find yourself on this horrendous journey. It’s still very early for you and still so very raw. I think the feeling empty,lost and lonely are all part of the grief and heartbreak. I get not wanting to do life without your husband kev. I felt like that when i lost pauline and to be honest i still feel like that. But she would want me to keep on going. As I’m sure kev would want you to keep on going. Also i have a dog and 2 cats that need me. So i keep going for them and pauline. I don’t think people that have not gone through this heartbreak can fully understand it. Afterall it’s every day and there is that gaping hole that no one can fill. You will find support here. This community is very caring. Have you talked to your doctor about the depression. Maybe they could help with that. I understand depression as it’s something i have suffered with throughout my life. I’m often in and out of here each day. So if you ever want to chat scream yell. Just message me and i will always message back as soon as i can. I know it feels like you are alone. But you are not and there people on here that care. Take care and just take one day at a time. Sending hugs x
@Candy dear candy i am so sorry for loss and the heartbreak you are going through. It’s good that you are going out and joining things and to have started a new job. I personally think that is very brave of you and well done for doing that. I know it can’t be easy. That’s what a lot of people don’t get,we have lost half of ourselves. We are not the same anymore and i don’t know if we will ever get that back. I suppose time will tell. I totally get that. We do things to fill the time and sleep just to get through and then the next day is upon us before we know it. I’m not surprised you are feeling numb at times. We are going through so much heartbreak and pain. Our emotions are all over the place. Just keep taking one day at a time and don’t be hard on yourself. I hope one day we can all find some peace on this journey. Take care sending hugs x
Thank you Casey. Xx
@Casey1 exactly how I feel. I work full time. I go and do my best but, you know what I don’t care. I am just marking time till I can come home go to bed and get another day under my belt toward the day I die and can leave this awful life and be with him. Nothing else matters. I am doing what the law of the land dictates. I can’t be put to sleep humanly and give my organs to those who want to live. Because I don’t. I know it’s only 12 weeks and it will get better apparently. But those at 9 months, like yourself and others who are further along, say it’s not getting better.
Thankyou so so much .i really appreciate your kindness xx
Franky, we’re with you in this deep and slow journey. I to have felt days when I feel very down and depressed, and I’m only 5 months into this experience of utter sadness and feeling lost and without meaning. Try to believe each day will be slightly different to the last, and that some memory will lift you and remind you that you were so lucky to have Kev for the time you were together. Nobody else can understand, so it’s pointless hoping they will. They’re not in your shoes. Get his aftershave or a favourite piece of clothing or jewellery Kev wore, and keep it close to you. It will remind you he is still near and his memory will always live on, in the things you do as you remember him. Sending you light and love till you feel more numb to the pain. x
@Rammie dear rammie i am so very sorry you are going through this heartbreak. Grief is such an individual experience and is different for us all. Although there are many things we all feel, like the feeling lost and empty and so very lonely for the one we are grieving for. I can’t speak for others. But for me it hasn’t got any better. I miss her so very much everyday and i would love to join her. But i can’t, i owe it to her to carry on. I tell myself everyday I’m doing it for pauline and our pets. It doesn’t matter how i feel i have to keep trying. I hope it gets better for you. It does for some people. Although from what i have read on here. You always remember your lost loved one and still feel the pain. Though not quiete as raw. I was thinking today of the things i take comfort in. One of those things is pauline and the love we share and the memories we made together. Even though she is gone she still gives me strength and the will to keep trying. I hope you can take some comfort in the love you share and the memories you made together. I do hope you can find some peace on this horrendous journey of grief and please just keep trying. Take care sending hugs x