ive not furure to look forward to.my partners family are all well off and in need of more money.my partners parents have there own house and another they rent out.now this house will be theirs.the pensions wont make me feel any better about losing my long term partner love of my life soul mate,but will give me a choice if thats what i want,but if the pensions go to them they will be ecstatic to of driven the final nail in my coffin.
a friend as just sent me a text saying try stay positive,trouble is after all that happened since 23rd jan its hard to think that anything is going to go even slightly my way.
Ian…
…quoting: " its hard to think that anything is going to go even slightly my way…"
…yes it will…life has a way of turning things around just when you least expect it…
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thank you Jackie.i hope you are right
very much appreciated Ian
hi Jackie
received a phone call from the lady trustee,told me the decision made at the meetings was now being handed to the company lawyers,and im getting something.no idea what,or if its a pension or lump sum or if its going be enough to give me a decent future if i ever get to the stage were that matters as much as my loss of Jayne.im not counting my chickens.but the news will be given sometime this week.
Ian…
…this is Jane helping you…no two days are ever the same for which we count our blessings…
hi jackie thank you.
Jayne was always helping me she was everything to me.
saw the bereavement counselor today,she listened like always and let me talk about Jayne and my situation.she hyad talked with the hospice chaplain and organised for me to have a chat after my last session on 11 june,the chaplain will help in maybe mediating in my request to have all or some part of Jaynes ashes as i want be with Jayne when i die.
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I too am having second thoughts as Richards ashes on my agreement are being sent back to Bedfordshire so as his ashes will be with his parents and brother, his older sister will be making the arrangements, I have given my permission to the lovely funeral director who was with me every step of the way…I had always said to Richard that if he goes before me ( I never expected he would ) that I would want his ashes to be back home where he-we belong…I am thinking that when all this solicitor business is done ad dusted that I might depending head back towards home myself and if so I shall be able to go visit Richard…I had always said to Richard I want my ashes to be scattered with my 3 dogs, I want my ashes to be amongst trees and birds but lately I have been swaying on whether I want to be near to Richard, although not sure his family would be too happy…Sadly this is not something me and Richard had ever discussed seems I had always made it clear of what I was wanting, and what Richard was wanting were two different things, but now he is gone, I feel as if I am thinking I have a right to be near him, even asking Richard if this is what he would like too…I am sure their will be a spot near trees and birds where my ashes can be scattered, Richards so I was told by his sister will be scattered near roses…All I know is wherever my ashes are scattered my dogs ashes must be scattered with me…
Jackie…
thank you for your posts Jackie,sadly im not having second thoughtsc as i had no input in the funeral etc,not sure its even my fault as iall i wanted was be with jayne when i died,sadly ANN [Jaynes mother ]as something against me and as made it difficult for me.hence having the house isnt enough they also what the pensions,seems they believe its their daughter who passed and that Jayne would want me have fffff,all, excuse my french.but i know and anyone who knows how much me and jayne were inlove that yes she would of left them something ,but Jayne worked hard for us both to eventually retire together and spend our old age as happy as we could,but me not having Jayne and being heart broken isnt enough for them they want me to have absolutely nothing.
Ian…
…you know in your heart what your Jane would have wanted, keep heading in that direction…make it happen…
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im going try,trouble is Jaynes money grabbing family have JAYNES ashes,i will move heaven and earth to try get them.as i want to be with Jayne when i leave this mortal coil.
Ian this unkindness is awful for you to deal with I’m sure. It’s strange how money can be such a big motivator for some people. Tragic really! I’m sure you will be reunited with Jayne when you leave this earth regardless but, if the worst case scenario happens regarding the ashes and you don’t receive any of them then when you see the Chaplain perhaps take something really personal of Jaynes with you and ask that he put that with you on your death. I understand your sadness but there has to be a way around your situation, surely. Why are you not her next of kin. You must have some rights after living together for so long. Perhaps it’s more complicated than I’m understanding. There’ll be something you can do though I’m sure to gain your peace of mind! x
It is easier said than done, remaining positive especially in the early days, it is hard work plodding through each new day. MaryL
This is so sad, i am so sorry that you are having to deal with this instead of being able to deal with your grief. You must have some rights but the most important thing for you is having some ashes - can you not get the chaplain to speak to them about giving you some ashes? My in laws I know were suffering but did some astonishing things during Martins illness, but still I knew that it was the right thing to do to give them some ashes to place where they wanted to. We have fell out since but at the time we were still talking even though their behaviour and lack of sympathy for me was not evident. We were in contact with them but it was always us that had to visit them, they rarely came to our house. That continued even after Martins death, they knew I was on my own as my family lived at the other end of the country, but they never came to me I STILL had to go to them, they are not infirm just self centred. I was fortunate to have time to make sure that I was protected and Martin signed a will while ill leaving everything to me (we were married) becasue he knew he had to make sure that I was looked after. All his pensions had me as beneficiary, but back in the past his parents helped us financially when i had cancer and couldnt work which was very kind and at other times when we struggled with our business in France and we had a conversation about paying them a sum of money back when we sold our house in France which was our only residence by the way. We never thought that Martin would be terminally ill and that our lives would be changed forever so young. So we lived in a rented house in the UK after we came back, after Martin died I eventually sold the french house after 7 years. Martins pensioned paid out to me and after losing a lot of money on the sale of the house in France that came to me also. I wasn’t going to be rolling in clover but it enabled me to buy a small house, which is what Martin would have wanted and leave me with some savings, a safety net! I asked his parents, who dont need the money, if they still wanted me to pay back the money and they said without drawing breath YES! Given the change in my circumstances I didn’t really expect that, also they are in their mid 80’s and are very comfortable, I was astounded and really hurt. I had helped them so much throughout their later lives on a personal level during some really tough illnesses but that wasnt thought about, she told me I was a fantastic wife & daughter in law many times, so I was so disappointed about this and i KNOW that Martin would not have wanted them to take the money either. My family were astounded too and Martins brother was so disappointed and apologised to me also. People do strange things when it comes to money and it brings out the worst in people. I hope you can get something sorted out xx
thank you Berniea
for your reply.and im sorry for all you’ve had to go through and the loss of your husband.ive had use a solicitor the last 3 or 4 months or so.as I could not face trying deal with Jaynes nasty family.i believe Jayne spirit or something inside me from Jayne as made me less confrontational.as I had Jaynes brother come to the front door of the house id shared with Jayne for 20 plus years.in my normal mind set with the words this brother said I would of more than likely punched him as he was very disrespectful to Jaynes and my relationship.he was saying she looked after me she did this that and thre other.i simply said are you referring to Jayne.is response was and angry remark indicating he would sort me out.well rather than jump across the floor and punch him .I casually took my glasses off and said if this is what you want lets do it.to which as an arrogant person who obviously thought I would be frightened of him and cower at is aggressive remark he shut up as he realised I was in no way going back down from is empty threats.he was also asking for copies of the keys which I refused point blank,and he said he could walk and pay for copies I told him he was not having copies of the keys full stop.and id found out a few weeks earlier off a very good friend that he had always spouted distain about me.and he didn’t deny it,just said well I always was polite when you visited my house.like its ok talk behind some ones back as long as your ok in person.this shows me what a nasty piece of work he is.infact it came to light a month after is visit that he was involved in recruitment were he and a partner abused 41 Romanians by housing them in over crowded accommodation and none of them could speak English he was sentenced to 8 months ,suspended for 18 months.not a very nice person probably he should already be in prison.and this brother is a chip of his mums block as she is a calculating individual who say one thing to your face and insults you behind your back.ive had friends tell me they are in the past now move on.sadly all the nasty things they have said and done are playing through my head daily its hard to just forget,that this lady never trold the father Jayne had a partner for 28 years or that the funeral write up said Jayne loved the family etc and that Jayne brought fun to the family.these are such a nasty unfeeling family who are driven my money and flash cars and houses with no thought of love.i loved Jayne more than I could love any one.she was my world.i had to show Jayne was loved I put a big article in the local paper showing how proud I was of Jayne at all her achievements over the years and that she had loads of friends who loved her.just something to show unlike the nasty specimens Jayne had as family who showed not an ounce of love that Jayne had lots who thought highly of her.Jayne deserved a better send off than what those nasty people did.sorry for my none ending thoughts,but very sadly all the carap they have dished up over the months as totally disrespected Jaynes memory.luckily ive found a new home to which I move in a week or 2 and I will surround my self with memories of Jayne as she will always be in my heart mind and soul till the end of time.i got all the brushes of Jaynes and took every blond hair washed it dried it put it in a plastic bag and it is always in the left hand side pockets of my shirt close to my heart.Jayne was and is every thing I could ever want in a partner.again sorry for droning on and if it makes no sense I apologise.im just devastated to of lost my soulmate.
regards ian x
tthank you cw13 I do like the thought of being reunited with Jayne.its something I very much look forward to.my solicitor sent letters requesting a few of Jaynes ashes sadly the response was not nice .I even offered pay for everything entailed in interring Jaynes ashes,i would love to be go some where and chat with Jayne.id take flowers every week.but it probably wont happen as Jaynes mum as nothing but distain for me.not really sure were it comes from.i always thought the family liked me.I couldn’t of been more wrong.
regards
ian