Well finally the life insurance has decided to settle the small mortgage after 6 months of trying to wiggle out of it after several drs requests for information been really stressfull along with waiting still for complex grief counciling i said to the lady who rang saying mortgage will contact me shortly to discuss it i said it i pay the mortgage can i have my Linda back please you can keep it just want her back but i guess insurance people have no compassion Didn’t even say anything about Linda passing at all
so now is the heart wrenching decision do i stay here looking after her mum or do we move back to the north west area even just walking around here in this beautiful part of the uk is such a painful thing to do without linda by my side now just brings on panic attacks and tears of me still being her without her and not sharing these experiences and views anymore doing the things as us the whole idea of coming to as she called it Paradise she always longed to be back here after losing her dad here at 11 years old but never had chance to return until we became us in 2009 and getting here finally in 2017 with my dad and Linda’s mum too but losing dad here in 2021 now Linda its tearing me apart feels like its punishing me we hadn’t had time to make many friends here die to work and life and no family here but i have some estranged family back in the fylde coast area where i was born and raised and there has been some progress getting talking now with my two daughters and son so really torn now do i go back there and feel like I’m disrespecting Linda’s memory here and all we did to get here and poss regret it or get to poss rebuild my relationship with my children despite what they put both linda and me through up there we came here for Linda’s desire to return here and distance ourselves from the trouble there im struggling as it is with not having time to grieve for my babe and look after her mum too my mind cant handle it this i one bog decision I’m struggling with hoping everyone is ok as can be here wishing you all the love and take care of you 
Martin xx
I understand what you are going through love. I myself are still waiting on the insurance. No they have no empathy they are there to take. Not care and make is damm hard to get it back.
You moved there together. Unfortunately that is not now the case. If you was to move away you wouldn’t be hurting her memory or dream. Because as she’s watching you she’s wanting you to do the best for you. What will help you manage and carry on. That’s what she’d want. So my love the only advice can offer is 2 pieces of paper. One for the pros and one for the cons. Don’t rush into it. Try and do it on a day when you’re not in as much turmoil with emotions. Hard I know. But this is for you and what she’d want you to do. Trust me. Good luck. X
Thank you my lovely that bit of advice is a massive help in my muddled up brain yeah they do just take and have no morals I’m sorry to hear your still battling them its so wrong i know linds mum wants to stay here we have had a bit of discusion bit not sure if its just worry of the past coming back im just trying to do whats best for everyone and not upset the applecart alienate lindas daughter as she has accepted me from day one of being with her mum she could see how much we both loved each other and calls me dad too 
sometimes what feels like your doing the right thing comes back to bite you in the ass i like the idea of sitting down with two pieces of paper pro and cons just need that day of clarity oh i wish i had that forgot what normal feels like but i do thank you hun why does this place have to be so beautiful yet has hurt me so much i know one thing its really goto be by the sea my trip to Linda’s daughters wedding in bolton really confirmed that northern city’s really hurt me in the past oh my head hurts
big hug love and take good care of you sweetheart
Martin x
I would say dont nake hasty dec
Advise not to make hasty decisions. Wait until you are really sure and ready. Grief follows you until gradually get used to it and so many have said they wish hadn’t hadn’t done it when quickly changed but everyone is different though. I couldn’t face the hassle but that is me. But the place only gets used when visitors come. I live downstairs. So the upstairs is mostly costing me lots to maintain for nothing much. I sometimes think of getting a smaller place now but there are so many ifs and buts
I am sorry for your loss x
I am too going through this awful process of getting the insurance paid and got email today to say that they are requesting more details from the GP. I don’t think these people care one bit about any of us.
Like you I feel, I am thinking should I stay living in the same area as everywhere I go my partner Peter is there x he loved walking.
And If you do make a decision one day when you are ready, remember she’s always with you xx
If anyone has a fixed rate mortgage with an early redemption penalty, let the lender know that the mortgage is being settled with life assurance proceeds and ask for the early redemption penalty to be waived. There is no guarantee that the lender will waive the early redemption penalty, but it is definitely worth an ask - many mainstream lenders will. (The same goes for anyone settling their mortgage through critical illness proceeds). Support any request to the lender with the insurer’s confirmation of payment letter and evidence of money being paid into your bank account - send request and information together, it’ll speed up the process and will save time with the lender then requesting supporting evidence and delaying any decision.
Thank you x
It’s so much to get my head around it.
My partner was always dealing with everything so I feel basically lost as there is so much that I don’t understand.
@xxx yeah i had conformation they are on my settlement waive the early settlement fee they are paying it directly to the mortgage dept who will then sort out the paperwork and send the excess to my account on file but yes its worth double checking @Tenpin love on that side when hopefully you get the result you should get my fingers crossed for you 
Oh i get how your feeling @Lou27 it was so stressful and really hated having to deal with them they were not helpful at all but id swap having this settlement and carry on paying the mortgage if i could have my Linda back in a millisecond any day
i went up to near where we are and just looked at that view we both loved so much esp when we were watching the firework championships here in plymouth up at jennycliffe and just couldn’t stop the tears today so many times we just go up there to the cafe and have a breakfast looking across the sound to Cornwall she loved it so much i just cant get past it her not here now take good care of yourselves my love and thoughts to everyone 
Martin
@Martin64
How are you getting on with everything love? I finally got some papers through from one lot of his insurance. Once again they want unbelievable proof and evidence even though they have had it so many times! It’s exhausting and upsetting but I have to do it. These people have no empathy and I’m beginning to think no morals either. Xx
Oh good god I’m so sorry they really are not nice people i had a call today from hsbc saying finally received the funds despite having them over a week apparently and are now going to pay off the mortgage and any over which account i wanted it in but i guess that take another week or two your right love it hurts us dealing with all the red tape why they cant just do it in one go its supposed to be the age of communication yeah right not i hope it doesn’t drag out too long like mine love really don’t il keep everything crossed for you and get the outcome you need
I’ve just had a message of my Linda’s daughter saying not to nice things about how i was at her wedding i held it together it was a nice day well i thought it went well and got her nan 300 miles each way to be there for her special day but she saying i shouldn’t bring the tone down i should hide my grief more what am i supposed to do I’m trying to look after her nan on my own no help she said i was putting down her hometown which i have said i don’t like cos she wants us to upstix and us move nearer to her but her nan don’t want to so she throwing her teddy’s out now my linda always said she was like that growing up had linda in tears many times i had to try calm her down many times and dragging up this estranged family of mine that have been in contact it seems she will never forgive them for what they put us through when me and linda got together they did some horrid stuff at that time hence why we moved away partly but she wasn’t there helping i was in the middle of it all protecting and supporting linda and her mum from the hassle of my ex but it seems I’m not good enough now the wedding is done and her mum is no longer here to support me and tell her how it was and what we had was special so ive told her nan what been said she cant believe what was put in message as I’m good enough to take over the care but not have time to grieve my soulmate i give up really hurt me today i know she grieving her mum but she did the same just before the funeral threw a wobbler upset a lot of family inc her nan
Hugs Martin xx
@Martin64
Good grief mate what the hell is the matter with her!!! Where is the support and sympathy!! And after telling you that she still wants you to move nearer?? I think the best way through this is to have a conversation with her and make your decision on how it goes. After this do you want to move nearer and if you do is this how it’s going to be? Or move but still a good hour or so away. Then she’d have to make the effort. Honestly I can imagine how you feeling. It’s hard not to take it to heart but please try not to. Calm down and think what’s really best for you. Nobody else .you. Xx
Thank you love yeah she has done things like this before with her mum gone off the rails as i said i think she may be feeling guilty because she did say that her actions and behaviour caused her mum to get upset and often didn’t speak for months sometimes after it so i just supported Linda as best i could still hurts I’ve sent a message been as diplomatic as poss and said there is stuff she isn’t even aware of but i loved her with all i am and always will she has stopped getting any counciling which i think she needed but its her decision so with that message that i love them lots and my estranged family wont effect how i feel about her and now hubby and the grandkids and hope she still see me as Dad like she has called me for least 10 years and given her time and space to try work out her feelings goto wait and see yeah if me and her nan do move north again its a good idea be an hour ish or more away maybe least it gives her chance to see and visit her nan more im trying to let it wash over me but its hard cant think what linda would be thinking but she would be used to it i guess bless her ive just noticed that mortgage had disappeared of my banking app tonight so guess its now cleared but no conformation off them at all and thats hit me tonight id give it back if i could have my linda back in a heartbeat but its a bitter sweet thing sweetheart
i hope you get yours sorted out soon love really do got everything crossed for you so i guess it one step nearer to make a decision but god i do love it here its stunning no wonder linda loved it captivated me first time she brought me here back in 2010 if i stay and get the spare room set up as guest room i suppose but have to see how i feel im trying to keep calm thank you big hugs
Martin xx