Life is never the same

I am an intensive care doctor so these last two months have been very scary as I am an older person and I was frightened to go into the hospital. I also realised that I did not want to die, despite being unable to get myself “together” as my father died a year ago, and my husband coming up to two years. I had to go however and use my skills to manage these very sick patients and support my colleagues, as despite what this incompetent government says, the nhs was overwhelmed. I cry every day for the both of them, and with no siblings or children, and my mum gone, I have no family. I do have friends. I thought I would not care, but I do want to live. I think that the thing I miss the most in these lonely lockdown days is not only the physical comfort but someone there to support me, hold my hand, listen to the days I’ve had uncertain about the best way to manage these really sick people when they have a disease the like of which none of us have seen before, and I have been a qualified doctor coming up to 40 years. I want someone to be in my corner, so I don’t have to fight all my battles alone. Someone to make some of the decisions. As an older woman my life with a partner is gone, so if I live as long as my father I’ll be on this earth another 30 years, as he died at 96. 30 more years of doing it all by myself. Scary and lonely, how do I live, when I really want to, with the prospect of grinding loneliness?

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Dear @Nevermore, Thankyou for sharing your post and I am sorry that you are feeling alone. To me from reading this I can see what a hero you are, always working for others and serving others - how special you are to do so and what would we do during crisis like these without those like you. But I suppose it is easy to see those heroes and not realise how much help and support those like you also need and that you are dealing with your own losses and hardships. I am so glad that you have reached out to this community today and I hope that from doing so you will feel less alone. We are very much here to support you to remind you how strong you are and that you have people around you who do very much care. Please don’t hesitate to ask if there is anything we can do and do keep in touch and let me know how things are going ? I’d very much like to be here for you .

Ailie

Nevermore,
My heart aches for you, thank you for all that you have done to protect our health service, I wish you peace.
Love
MaryL x

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hi Nevermore
my heart goes out to you,all your hard work helping many many others throughout your lifetime as a doctor,and having lost your partner and your father within the last 2 years,
and your still at the cutting edge saving other peoples lives and trying ensure by trying your best so they have no heartache through losing their relatives.heres hoping you can get through this coronavirus nightmare and find a way to cope with your own heartaches.just know your not alone there are some very understanding caring people who are trying to cope with our own losses and are here for you.thank you for all the help you given to our people.
regards
ian

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