Since losing my beautiful, kind husband to cancer in September 2021, to cancer, the worst disease I have felt so alone. Not only did we live together we worked together in the same department. Currently I am still off work, struggling with the thought of returning to the environment were I would see and hear my husband. The thought of seeing someone else sitting at his desk and doing his job rips me apart. When Covid arrived in 2020 never did I think life could get any worse, not being able to celebrate his 50th and having all our holidays and bank holidays cancelled was the worst I thought would hit us. Then from nowhere in November 2020 he was diagnosed with bladder cancer, he left work for a hospital appointment and never returned. Even having his bladder removed in April 2021 was seen as a positive go get rid of cancer from his body. It’s clear cancer was never fully removed & he became unwell in June requiring further medical intervention. On 3rd August our lives were totally shattered when a Dr knelt by his bedside & informed him cancer had returned & then walked away, leaving him to deal with this devastating news alone & ring me to tell me. It must have been the hardest call he ever made resulting in me running onto the ward to comfort him. 6 weeks later he passed away & left me alone once again. I question why, how can life be so cruel, why would such a beautiful person be taken. I was so lucky to have 10 wonderful years with him but I wish so much it could have been longer. No more holidays, no more laughs … life is so different & I can’t ever think I will be happy again
It’s a life we never asked for. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. It’s ten months since my husband died He had a cardiac arrest in front of me. Our lives were going along happily and then suddenly he was gone. It was so sudden and I still cannot take it in. I coped for the first three months and then the realisation that he had gone hit me and I fell to pieces I am still in pieces X
You are totally right . We were so happy & contented with our lives. All the kids had jobs after uni & we had started to have a little spare cash. That just went once Chris passed away & now the cost of living is soaring I have no choice but to go back to work. I look at other couples and think I had that for 10 years and then cancer snatched it away and I had to watch him suffer & fade away.
Hi my husband also died in September . I miss him so much we were together for 43 years married 39 . All I have known since we were 16 . I have also had to go back to work just to pay bills. This is an awful life we have now without our one true love our world. I don’t sleep well and hardly eat coffe and cigs keep me going. I just want to be with him. Chris also had cancer diagnosed in march gone September. Such a cruel world we live in when lovely , kind, deeply loved partners die and evil people are still here . Take care x
Hi Judith, sorry for your loss, you are so right, life can be so cruel and unfair.
I only had my darling for just under 5 years but they were the best of my life!
We too had so many plans, we wanted to travel while we were fit and young enough to do so but because of the pandemic we had to put travel on hold, we couldn’t celebrate my 60th because of Covid and were planning a joint Birthday for Petes 60th in June 2022.
But sadly my world came crashing down when Pete collapsed and died very suddenly on November 13th 2021.
I too question how such a wonderful person could be so cruelly snatched away, he was such a kind and loving man and I was very lucky to share my life with him.
I feel like I’m plodding along going nowhere, I feel so lonely and sad, my only consolation is that the last words we said to each other were “I love you” even though I had no idea that would be for the last time.
It helps a little that there are people who know just how hard it is.
Sending you good wishes
I feel your pain, we had 10 wonderful years together & this has taught me that you can’t make any plans. We always laughed that we would get old together & retire when we could to ensure we had quality time. That was just snatched away & now I face a life alone, going back to work in the same department that we both worked in. I dread it, I dread seeing Chris’s desk with someone else sitting at it. Even driving to & from work, that was Chris not me, I spent our journeys chilling. Chris turned my life around, I’d been on my own for 13 years after being married to a man who didn’t care about me or the 3 children. Meeting Chris was the highlight of my life, he accepted 3 teenagers & they accepted him & grew to love him as their dad. I sit alone & think of all the vile people that kill, rob, rape & yet they are still here & good, honest men like Chris are cruelly snatched. My anger never goes away & although I know Chris wouldn’t want me to be like that I just can’t help it because I love him and always will. Talking to people on this group has made me realise I’m not abnormal feeling like this, this is normal because I’ve lost the man I loved xx
All I seem to do is cry. I miss my husband so much. If someone had said to me you only have ten months left I wouldn’t have believed them. He looked so healthy and then he was snatched away. I feel lost. He is gone and my life feels empty. There is this feeling inside that I cannot describe. I never thought that I would be without him. It never occurred to me that we would be apart. I thought we would be together in our nineties. But life had other plans. I wander around the house aimlessly looking for him. Nothing is the same and life seems so pointless. I go through the motions and there is no joy at all. I don’t know how to move forward. Will I always feel so sad and lonely. I long to hug him and tell him I love him one more time. I talk to him and tell him how I feel. I feel miserable every day as I have lost the person who mattered to me most. I see other people getting on with their day and my life has stopped. Half the time I feel I am living in slow motion and it’s not really me. I just feel so lost x
All our lives are so similar, Chris got diagnosed with bladder cancer November 2020 aged 50 years. He hadn’t been able to celebrate his 50th as we were in the first lockdown & never got to celebrate his 51st as isolating ahead of major surgery to have his bladder removed. We were told ‘our aim is to cure you’ he never got offers scans or blood tests until August 2021 after numerous visits to A &E with different problems. On 3rd August he got told on his own cancer had spread, if was like the doctor was telling him he had a cold for the lack of empathy & compassion he showed him. He left Chris alone to cry in a hospital bed, not even informing ward staff. Less than 6 weeks later he had his last breath & left me to be a miserable 55 year old woman with nothing to look forward to & just a lonely life ahead. In all it was 10 months from diagnosis, he looked healthy pre surgery & I am convinced they should not have operated as the quality of his life was so poor following that 9 hour operation. His oncologist said his bladder cancer did not behave like normal bladder cancer, it was like there was catalyst. Chris had been placed on an additional drug to remove additional sugar from his body via his bladder. When we googled this drug following Chris’s death we found links to court cases in the USA for people suing the drug company for deaths related to bladder cancer. Chris’s GP totally disputed it advising all drugs are tested prior to being given to patients. I argued people can react differently to drugs. On Monday Chris’s oncologist advised he has been researching the link between the drug & bladder cancer & advised he is reporting Chris’s death & the aggressiveness of his cancer to the MHRA. If in the future I can help at least 1 person not to suffer like Chris did & another wife or husband not to lose the love of their life then something good will come from my fight xx
I know what you mean, Pete was such a good man, he made an impact on everyone he met.
Ironically he had done many charity 10ks, and parachute jumps the British Heart Foundation.
He always used to say we would grow old together and end up like his Mum and Dad who still hold hands, they are 88 and 91.
He just loved life and told me he was living his best life. I am very angry and feel completely cheated, I feel like I died that day too.
I have not been able to go back to work so far, I work in a wedding venue and it would break my heart to have to watch all those happy smiling people getting married.
Pete told me he was planning a very special proposal for me, he was going to take me to Santorini for my 60th birthday but we never got to go.
I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad but I feel I will never be happy again and you are definitely not abnormal, this is such a difficult thing we have to endure.
My head is all over the place and find I can only take one day at a time.
Look after yourself
My husband was a good man. He had a kind heart and a wicked sense of humour. He made an impact on everyone he met. People just loved him. I love him. I will never stop. I feel I need to talk about him so that he will never be forgotten. I miss him so much. X
My husband was 60 in April 2020. We had planned to go to Poland to celebrate before the lockdowns. During this time we agreed I would retire at Christmas. But husband died in a motorbike accident in September and my heart was broken and can never be mended. I am so angry - mainly at my husband and I also feel that we failed our kids who both have mental health problems as a result of his death. I feel cheated, abandoned and know that I will/can never be the same person. There is no moving forward, there is only trying to survive the day I wake to. Sorry can’t be more positive but every day is a mountain to climb and I fail.