I’ m so tired mentally. Knowing I’ll never be able to see my father on this side of life again is too much to bare at times. It’s been seven months since my sister and I watched him slip away that muggy July evening. Everything happen so fast. We went from celebrating Father’s day just a few weeks prior, to watching him be resuscitated seven times under our request. My father was my best friend, counselor and protector. He raised three kids as a single father without any help, when my mother left to rekindle her youth. He cooked dinner before going to work, washed our clothes by hand for many years growing up, attempted to do our hair with his big manly hands. These memories cause sadness and joy at the same time. He never had it easy, and I often fall into a place of deep sorrow because of this. Why did he have to die at only 67, he had so much more life to live. In the end it was his diabetes that caused his kidney’s to shut down, which in turn caused his ph level to hit a number the doctors had never seen in a living person.
I find at times that I’m angry with him. Why did you keep the fact that your kidneys were failing you for three months Dad? Why did you choose to not disclose that to us. I toss and turn every night about this. My sister and I are in our forties with our own families, but we needed him much longer. I’m so angry that he kept that to himself, and we talked 5 times a week, and I picked him up to go shopping or do activities with the kids once a week. Now all I have is this niche on a wall at the veterans memorial. I really don’t think life will be sweet as it once was when he was hear. He played a big part in my life, and I really feel empty. As if things couldn’t get worse, my mother came to the funeral and demanded at the funeral home we give her his death certificate, so she could collect his social security. I really felt like I was going to die the day of his service. I just needed to get this out. I trying to move forward, but it’s extremely difficult. I think God that he has kept me from a deep place of depression, but the pain is unbearable at times.
2 Likes
Hello, and please think that you are with friends and friends who understand the pain you are feeling. My dad died at 67 and my children were to young to remember him and that has always made me sad. It’s strange but people do keep secrets about their health not being good, I think we all do including myself.
He sounds to have been a fantastic father and you will have such happy memories which you must keep alive for your children so they will know how fantastic he was. Those memories will help you through the dark days when you just want to see him or talk things through with him. Keep his memory alive. Give your children an extra hug and take care. Sxx
Thank you for listening. Thank you.
We are always here for you. xx