Life not getting any better

Well it is 8 months since i lost my partner of 43 years. I am beginning to think that once you have met your soulmate in life you can never get over the loss of that person. In a lot of ways i feel worse now than i did when alan first passed away. I feel anxious most of the time which leaves you shaking and stomach churning which makes you feel sick. Most of my day i think about alan which is causing me the anxiety. I want to think about him. I don’t not want to but i just get upset anxious and very sad and lonely. The best part of every day for me is the early hours of the morning when all is still and peaceful. I close my eyes and go to sleep but unfortunately wake up again to another sad and lonely day with only my thoughts for company. Tomorrow i do actually have my counsellor for 1 hour. But the time will fly by as it always does and then she may cancel the next session as she has done twice previously. I feel sometimes that the very people who are supposed to be helping us, that its really just a job for them. Are they really concerned for us. Its at least 3 weeks since i last saw my counsellor and most of that time has been traumatic for me. There just doesn’t seem to be any lighmt at the end of this tunnel so i can’t see it being any different in 12 months time.

I’m so sorry for your loss daisy Jane I lost my husband six months ago we were married for 45 years it’s hard this grieving without the anxiety to go with it, sorry I’m not very good giving advice just wanted you to know I care and here to chat, i don’t know if it losing my husband but I cant seem to concentrate anymore my mind wonders and j really can’t be bothered to do anything just sit here and cry,
Hope your counselling goes ok and they don’t cancel anymore take care

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Hi linda. I too am sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I think we just exist now. We don’t really live a life as such. For me anyway its just an existance waiting for my turn to come. My last counselling session was actually november i was informed today and that my next one in 3 weeks time is to be my last. So even if you haven’t improved any you get booted out of the door. Don’t worry about giving advice your reply was enough to show you care. I think you are right about the concentration going as i have found that to be the case lately. I think about things i must do then can’t be bothered to. Whats the point when there is absolutely no good reason for doing anything anymore. Thank you again and take care.

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Hello again Janet,
After my brother passed away, I was recommended for counselling, I had a lady come from our local counselling service. She was very nice, but all she talked about was herself and her own bereavements, which didn’t work for me at all.