life sucks after loss of partner

my life sucks after the loss of my partner for around the last 30 years or so it been 16 months since my soul partner had to leave me suddenly and go to help god, im still grieving and now have depression,anxiety,stress, what a combination put together,
yesterday I had a low day was in tears some of the time had jobcentre to transit from esa to universal credit , my mind is else where at most times yet they say I meet the min requirments to work , but they don’t see me when im in my own envioroment how I am then its a different story to tell, they are not interested in how my mental health is as long as I meet their min requirements they can stop your esa straight away no warning ,
how is that helping me to griev better or ease my depression etc it adds to my depression etc ,and they just expect you to carry on with life etc , I cared for my wife I had a life with my late wife a good life at that but as soon as god asked for her help it tore my life apart it was heartbreaking and still is to me it only seems like yesterday I spoke to her in her hospital bed it may be 16 months ago but it still seems like yesterday,today and tomorrow in my life when im at home I don’t do much probably watch tv sometimes not not really interested in it I wont cook I don’t see the point of cooking for myself I know im not going to eat it ,and why bother

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Hello paulboy3210. I’m really sorry to read about what has happened to you. It’s been 24months since I lost my Husband and I understand where you are coming from. When the harsh grieving takes on yet another lifeform and adds depression/anxiety to the mix it’s downright debilitating at its worst. I can quite believe the JobCentre shows no mercury. I read you volunteer, that must be a bit of a comfort as no pressure is on you but as you point out it’s a whole different story when you are being forced into circumstances that may do further damage to your mental health. It’s true, when we go out and interact we can “put a face on” and appear quite normal but it’s a totally different story in your own surroundings. Have you discussed what’s happening to you with your Dr. He may sign you off for some periods. The trouble is, people think with each passing day that we are getting better or adjusting, but it doesn’t work that way does it. I really hope you find a way through the mess with the benefits system, it’s awful.

Hello. It’s been 16 months for me also, my husband died very suddenly in June 2017. I’ll never get used to him not being here. I went back to work after a month off, it was very hard but I knew I had to do it. It was the best thing for me, to have that total distraction for a few hours has been a great help. It’s really good that you do voluntary work Paul but maybe going to work would give you something else to focus on. Don’t be bullied by the job centre but do it for yourself. I find just sitting at home dwelling on this life we didn’t want can be self destructive. Grief is for life I’m afraid - it’s the price we pay for love. So we need to find coping strategies and for me going out to work is just that. I wish you well and I’m sending love xx

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hi thanks sorry I haven’t replied to you earlier tina yes my doctor knows everythingits not just the benefits system that sucks my life sucks at times im writing this as I write to you im near in tears welling up like and like you say its a different face outthere people whom hasent experienced this do not really understand what we go throughor how we feel once I leave the shop my illness kicks right back on to me and there is nothing I can do to stop it I think of my late wife every day but I also have met another lady at the volunteer shop and we go for coffee now and again so now I have a girlfriend she understands my problems because she has the same or similar problems but I cant put my problems onto her that’s not fair to her she knows me know how I am but I cant and wont put my problems onto her she is also struggling with these problems we talk by text when not at shop we get on fine but im finding that I cant be happy for a day unless I have heard a text from her saying how she is that day and if I don’t text her that day then im not happy and she isn’t happy she will text me asking me later whats a matter but I don’t want to push her she does know and feel when im upset we have had it that I text her because I felt there was something wrong with her and when texted I was right and also I had asked my late wife if she could contact my girl and ask her to text me as I was feeling down that night and by midnight that night my girl phoned to ask me what was wrong and was I alright so imy late wife is watching me and trying to look out for me and my girl is wonderful but im taking it slowly step by step but this does not stop my problems once I leave shop just cant stop I have just cried at times when I don’t know why, im sorry you have lost your husband 24 months ago

yes 16 moths of pure agony and stress etc my wife died in may 2017 I cant also get used to her being gone but I have no choice I can do the volunteering ok its just when I leave the shop it all kick back into my mind again see my reply to tina and thankyou for sending me love and I also am sending youlove xxx I really appreciate what you say but I cant move on you seem very strong lady to be able to do that throw yourself to work don’t take that the wrong way please , I mean it as a compliment to you ok, im learning more than I ever had with the charity shop I volunteer for which is sue ryder of course I hate being here alone I have a dog take him out but still hate the loneness etc I need company most of the time it sucks being here on my own

18 mo this after losing my hubby in May 2017 and grief has hit me like a ton of bricks all over again, I think it’s seeing the Xmas lights etc, I’ve been in tears each day and I’m certain the people I work with do not understand.
I can’t go off sick or I trigger the works sickness policy to another step, so I won’t go to the Dr’s, I’m just going to try to get over it myself.

You can do it Ginny. Going to work is a good distraction. I’ve just had a week’s annual leave and I can’t wait to get back to work tomorrow. I had some very bad moments while I was off, such long days and too much time to sit and dwell. I tried to busy myself in the garden and also had visitors so not all bad. Someone on an earlier thread described it like a snakes and ladders - we climb the ladder on good days but on bad days we slither right back down the snake. Try and climb back up that ladder Ginny, you’re stronger than you think. Sending you love xx

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I agree with you Kate … my husband passed away 8 months ago after having meningitis & various infections while in hospital for 3 months , it’s an horrendous journey I went back to work after a month & it’s helped me even though it’s so difficult, I think I could be here for many more years I’m (55) so think I need to try & make a life for myself as difficult as it is . One day at a time xxx

hi update on my life sucks it really sucks now everybodys thinking Christmas im thinking cant wait for Christmas to be over ,all I can do is sit in my bungalow by myself and my dog whom also feels the pinch , as I say I volunteer in a sue ryder charity shop and im doing well when im there but when im away im back to my normal self I cant go out much I don’t have family near and no friends not what I call friends I get the so called friends whom you don’t see until they want help ,
as of now im on universal credit and was getting a near 100 a week on esa now im on uni credit im getting 70.00 a month to last me a month I say ,wow that’s good isn’t it, my rent cant be paid till 23 dec when they will pay the council for me as I requested that but the 70 only covers my electric I don’t have any other money at all I don’t eat much anyway but even if I could I cant as I don’t have any money to do so ,they gave me 386 for my first uni payment then told me I got to pay 313.00 to rent leaves me 70.00 about if that, as it wasn’t set up for the month yet the agreement was set up a month ago so im worse off than I ever was shitty Christmas coming up no money and hardly any food and they talk about life or keep living you have everything to live for yeah of course I have ,and to top it off I worked up my ladder as a volunteer and someone has started as a volunteer and been there a short while and now has interview to a more permeant place
,so how s life better its not for me but nevermind I can always go jump off a bridge right then I be off the gov ,s books for good I don’t see a happy time at moment to be honest so life does suck and I don’t really know how im going to survive in this world

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