I also work in a school, but I am non-class based. I think that in a school, you do have no time to think. It has kind of helped in a way. My Mum died in October and I took leave returning in January. I have developed coping strategies and cam compartmentalise, but every so often there will be a trigger and grief surges. Like you, Mum was proud that I became a teacher. We will go on making our Mums proud. My Mum also told me that I work too hard. Schools are all consuming and a vocation. Mum’s death has helped me reflect on life and realise that it is a ‘job’ albeit one that I love.
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Thank you. Yeah I didn’t cope well at all for the first few months after I went back. I was on reduced hours for a bit and kept having to cut back if I did too much as I got overwhelmed so easily. I’ve started coping a bit better the last few weeks but I’m wobbly some days and not fully functioning. I was lucky my head was ok with me being pretty useless and just doing what I could as long as I could teach the core.
I can’t imagine what 22 months looks like down this road to be honest. Every new thing hurts and I feel like I’m building my like from scratch. I have no partner or kids and life just feels empty. I miss my mum so much in every aspect of life. To be honest it still feels surreal that she’s not here. Like you say though, the kids at school can be a lifeline some days- I just really wanted to be there to get them through SATs.
Anyway thank you for your message - it’s good to hear from someone a bit further down the road.
I’m so sorry for your loss too, it’s just heartbreaking.
I was due to go back full time this September but changed my mind this time last year - life is too short for my own children to have their Mum look after other people’s - although like you I love it .. it’s not the be all and end all ..
My Mum always counted down to the half terms so she could see us! I miss her messages on a Monday morning saying ‘don’t work too hard’ .. if only!
You are absolutely right .. I don’t have time to use the bathroom some days! It definitely keeps your mind from wandering and reflecting on things that we cannot change ..
To Bach too,
You’re in the very early stages of your grief but I have learnt that time doesn’t heal .. it will never heal the huge hole in my heart - what a ridiculous thing to say!
At the beginning I was scared too, scared that I would always feel that way, always feel sad, and I will but it doesn’t scare me anymore, I think that’s what you accept - not that they’re gone but that you’ll always feel their loss ..
My late night ramblings!
Take care x
Hi Liz85 I lost my mum last July and like you I’m reliving every moment of the build up to the date . The grief feels worse than ever, I think about her and just want to break down, I feel lost without her and really miss her heart sinks when I look at her pictures of her and just want to hug and chat to her, my loss feels unbelievable at the moment.
My heart goes out to you I know what you are going through trying to stay strong x