Over the bank holiday I read an article by a neurosurgeon concerning dementia and how it is too often misdiagnosed and may be treated with success in a quite high number of cases.
This of course led to a meltdown where I thought if I had known about this my partner could have been checked and possibly treated.
The following two days were a blur of misery.
Today I thought enough!
I cannot bring my partner back, much as I long to, he has now gone, part of me will always feel an emptiness and no one can ever take his place.
Guilt and regrets are destructive unless harnessed to become actions for good in their place.
I must think of the many funny and happy memories and live my very different life.
There is so much pain and sorrow and I simply refuse to add to it any longer.
It’s going to be difficult but possible.
My tears have stopped and daresay there will be a few shed on occasions now and again but hopefully on rarer and rarer occasions.
I shall honour my partner by embracing life and its challenges as I know he would have wished to do himself!
I can imagine that treatments for all sorts of neurological problems, or, infact, all sorts of other conditions are going to continue to improve.
My wife’s cousin lost her husband to a brain tumour thirty years ago. Had he had the benefit of the drug Temozolomide he may have lived as long as my wife did, after she was diagnosed with a similar brain tumour, but it hadn’t been developed then.
To some extent I think I dread reading of the discovery of a new wonder drug or immunotherapy which will cure brain tumours but, hopefully I can be glad for all those that would benefit.
Like you I feel it’s time to take stock and try harder to live forward, and like you I will struggle in very similar ways. We know what we have to do, we just need the wherewithal and a strong will.
Hello to you both. I too dread hearing of people with the same illness as Brian and being cured. Don’t get me wrong I am happy for them but then start wondering why more wan’t done for Brian because we seemed to have been forgotten and had to so much to help ourselves, so why wasn’t he cured. I’m with you both, and having had a reasonable couple of days, withoutn too much crying, I now feel a sense of calm (not suggesting it will last though). and like you know what I have to do. I have always been known for my defiant strong will (got me into a lot of trouble as a child) and I certainly need to dig deep and find it now, and I will. I will start by lifting my head, instead of looking down all the time and smiling at people. I am going to win back those people that are ignoring me because they don’t know what to say. I will try to put them at ease. This is the start. I have always liked a challenge. Good luck Pat xxx
You seem both positive people and probably can draw on inner strength to get you through any bad times.
I have asked my son to hunt out a small camper van as told him “your momma’s going global!”
Little ambitious, think maybe I should have said "going UK wide!
New sights and experiences, but I shall always have such happy memories that I can replay in my mind wherever I am, whenever I want.
I am grateful that I was able to spend years, not weeks or months, with a wonderful, talented man.
I’m very much of the opinion that we can take our memories everywhere and access them when and how we choose.
I’ve already spent quite a lot of time in one of our favourite places throughout the winter and, whilst it had its difficult moments, it also worked in a positive way to remember happy times and, importantly, created new memories.
I can recommend the campervan lifestyle. Whilst not an absolute panacea for all things miserable it does bring me delight. I’ve owned one since I lost the urge to continue working and that’s 17 years.
My trip to Cornwall will have its challenging moments, and I know that but so would staying at home. Lots of my memories are set in Cornwall, but all over 10 years ago.
Like you, I’m grateful and appreciative for the 49 years we were together. Nothing can diminish that.