Like living in hell

Losing a partner
1

I feel like I’m living in hell :weary: i feel I’m putting on my family and I have no friends and my husband was my heart beat my world my everything :broken_heart: I’m trying to look after my son who is 20 but has ASD and anxiety and has an inner ear infection and he is dizzy and feels like he is falling over and i think it’s worse because his dad died :broken_heart: been doctors like 4 or 5 times now and he is suffering and struggling :broken_heart: and i feel I’m letting him down because I’ms not coping with my husband dieing and I’m not coping :broken_heart: not coping with anything :broken_heart: i hate my life i hate what happened to our family :broken_heart: I’m 57 and I need to fight harder for my son and I go one step forward and 100 back. Just so broken just so sad and needed to let it all out sorry :disappointed: :pensive: :cry: :sleepy:

8 Likes
2

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through…please no need to say sorry…this is the best place to let it all out…we all understand, share and support one another.
Sending big hugs and strength xx

3 Likes
3

Angel1309 thank you and nice that someone replied to me. Because I feel alone on here and in life and like us all i don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost like we all do and i don’t want to feel this pain anymore :disappointed: :broken_heart: i know we are all struggling on here. But i just want to connect with people that understand my pain xx

4 Likes
4

I am so sorry for your loss and the difficulties you are facing, but no need to be sorry to be letting it all out, I have found this group so helpful and supportive. We are all here to support each other :sparkling_heart: x

3 Likes
5

We all understand @Judy10 ; so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a lot to cope with on top of your grief. I don’t think any of us cope properly in the early days, it’s just a whirlwind of sadness and confusion. Sending hugs.

3 Likes
6

Hey Judy. Please just let it all out here. We have all been ( or still are ) in the same place as you are at the moment and it is the most hideous place to be.
It’s so difficult when you are trying to manage your own grief and then your children’s grief - you need to be kind to yourself and just do as much or as little as you can.
Just take a day at a time - or an hour - and don’t look too far into the future at the moment. It will take time and sadly much more heartache before things really get better but try give yourself a break from the anguish and distract yourself if you can. Watch tv, read, do a puzzle, play a game on your phone - anything that can focus your mind for a little while On something other than your grief.
Keep checking in here - you are not alone and there are loads of kind people here to offer you support. Xxx

4 Likes
7

Not at all Judy10, we all are going through the same journey here…so please keep sharing… This forum is so amazing for us all to be able to let it all out - I don’t know what or how I could have coped so far if it wasn’t for this wonderful forum xx

3 Likes
8

Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I too am 57 and have a son with ASD, although in my case it is my mum I’ve lost. I can understand your despair though. This is so hard on you, but there are many other people on here who will understand and give you words of support in your loss. Hang on there, but also do let it all out. It’s too much for one person to hold x

4 Likes
9

Hey Judy
So sorry for your loss
We are all here for each other dont apologise, you are grieving and looking after your son , everyone needs help

I know how it feels when you feel so alone and no one to share what you are going through I am going through some work issues and a difficult probate I feel I am getting nowhere fast. Everything is getting on top of me and my mum who is 93 lives with me and has been unwell, I feel terrible as I missed the signs because of where my mind is at

Sending you lots of hugs

3 Likes
10

Judy10, you have so much going on! Please try to take some time for you! I’m 4 1/2 weeks in. Still so raw and cruel and painful. I can’t give you platitudes, we all know there are none but please reach out to friends and family for support for both you and your son.
Sending you so much love xx

5 Likes
11

Yes, it is certainly a hard road to travel. How do you explain losing your daddy to someone with special needs, when you can’t even understand it yourself?
My daughter has autism in addition to learning and physical disabilities.
The usual ‘making a new life for yourself’ advice is not applicable when you have caring responsibilities. Evenings out and weekends away are not possible.
It is a double edged sword, I am not alone, I still have somebody that needs me.
I have a reason to cook, clean, get up in the mornings for.
But on bad days the responsibility is heartbreaking.
Wishing you strength and sending a hug. Xx
.

6 Likes
12

sending you big hugs

2 Likes
13

I understand how you are feeling. My husband died in march and if i didnt have my little dog , i wouldnt get out of bed in a morning. You must feel the same with your son to look after, but its so hard. I feel like "what is the point?’ Just cleaning, shopping, walking the dog. Im retired and loved my job as a nurse. Are you still working? Its having no one to talk to, share things with, holding hands, a cuddle or burst of laughter. People expect us to “get over it” but you cant you just live with it. Wheres the help? Guidance? I feel lost and lonely. Sending my thoughts and gentle hug. Xx

1 Like
14

Dotclark my husband was also my carer and my son is autistic and it’s really difficult and I’m trying to do everything myself and finding it harder each day and my daughter was a nurse and I’m only 57 my husband was 69 and I thought he was in better condition than me. I like you miss the laughter the cuddles and holding hands and now i feel I’m putting on my daughters to help me and they all work and have children. I’m glad you have your dog to get upto. Big hugs :hugs:

1 Like
15

Willow 112 my son was ok on his own for a couple of hours and he is 20 and was at college but now i have to be with him all the time. He lost his first dad at 8 and 10 days before his 20 my husband his dad died and your right i need to look after like you do your daughter and it’s hard just being the one adult in the house and i for one hate it and miss my husband support so much and i guess we all feel the same. Big hugs :hugs:

1 Like
16

Judy10 i talk to my hubby each day, tell him i miss him and i hope hes found all our furbabies at rainbow bridge. My Brian was 75, but had been looking after me since i had a heart attack, stent fitted, then triple bypass on the other side. We went on holiday to cornwall last sept and he saw gp when we got back - both gp and i thought gallstones. It was pancreatic cancer that had already spread - ive nursed this and know its usually found too late. He died 12th march. I always thought i would go first as i have heart failure. Some mornings i wake and for a few seconds think hes still here - then it hits me.
It must be so hard for you, being ill and having to care for your son too. My son helps me and im sure your daughter doesnt begrudge helping and understands. Xx

17

Dotclark my husband had a triple heart by pass nearly 3 years ago and found the same cancer after he died from cardiac arrest and it was a blood clot and he was 69 and had beg plans for his 70th next year and i would be lost without my girls and i fight for my son because my health isn’t great :cry: and how do you cope having heart problems and must be hard for you :broken_heart: i talk to my husband all the time and i just hope they are all in a better place because we are living in hell. Well that’s what I feel it’s like. Sending hugs :hugs:

2 Likes