My husband died 5 weeks ado after being diagnosed with cancer in July. He was in no pain throughout and was bedridden the last 2 weeks of his life. He was tired and slept a lot in those 2 weeks but his last hour of life was the most traumatic for us both. he was shouting and flailing he couldn’t talk so i didn’t know what was wrong. it was as is he was in anguish. it is all i think of constantly. i can’t think of anything else. has anyone else had this experience, is it part of the dying process. I am so distressed by it . I have no family so i am on my own through all of this.
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@lindaaitch how very traumatic for you and no wonder you’re thinking of this brutal experience. You are in shock so will need time to process what happened. Sadly I think this experience will not be unusual. The end of life can be anything but peaceful. It’s entirely normal to dwell on the details like this, but eventually it’s an agonising torment. Your life with your husband will have been so much more than this time so try to focus on the happier memories. Take care xx
Yes, I believe it is normal for some people my mum till the end was different at peace, mum was more very deep breathing and gurgling but dads last hour he looked like he had a panic attack moving his head around looking at me and gasping for air i justed held his face talked to him and relaxed him he then went peacefully. Think it may depend on the person illness maybe or something else entirely.
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How you described calming your dad 
………I can’t find appropriate words for how much that has just touched me,I’m so sorry for your losses x
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@lindaaitch sounds like terminal agitation which is a normal death process. Frightening to see for onlookers tho. My Dad looked terrified on his last day & I still see him gasping for air. Nobody explained to me what was happening so I can empathise. X
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@lindaaitch I think it’s a very common thing, or at least I hope so, as my Roger was the same. He became very agitated and wanted to get out of bed. He couldn’t tell me why or where he was going. The nurses gave him some to calm him down and more pain relief. I know it all helped because he went to sleep and was snoring, before his breathing changed and he went.
Oh I’m crying again now remembering it all, 10 weeks ago, and it doesn’t get any easier. I’m told that it time , although goodness knows how long, these memories will fade and the good ones will resurface.
Hugs to you.
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Thank you so much for your response at least i can try and understand it now though as you say it doesn’t get any easier. I was there for both my parents passing, but this pain is another level
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