lisa j..

i lost my lisa 21 days ago to lung cancer. she was given 6 months but she fought it for nearly 4 years. she died in a hospice, her last 3 weeks she was in uncontrollable pain, the doctors tried to ease it but couldnt,a couple of days before she died she gave me the biggest smile she had done in years. it melted my heart, she looked so peaceful when she died and in a way i was relieved that she wasnt in all that pain…all i do know is cry and i cant stop thinking about her it hurts so much, my stomach is permernantly flipping.i do get some sleep but i dont dream of lisa and i want to…my 22 year old daughter seems to be coping better than me, or maybe she just hides it from me,do have lots of legal stuff to sort out which in a way distracts me but she is always in my mind no matter what i do,all her clothes and other stuff is still lying around the house cant seem to move them yet… because lisa knew she was dying she had sorted ut all her stuff what she needed to do (which has helped so much)every now and then i will come across a secret note which she has left me telling me how much she loved me and the wonderful life we had together and that just makes me cry so much.sometimes i just want to roll up into a ball and fall asleep for 12 months so i can get past this unbearable pain and sadness what i am feeling. i know i cant and i know i have to face it all on a daily basis. lisa was only 48 when she died and we had 30 amazing years together and at the moment i am finding it hard to think of some good times, i know there are 30 years worth, but just cant grasp them right now. have been trying to get some counselling but have been told i have to wait three months, why is that i need it now…thank you for letting me write this. i have been told it will help.

Hi col
I’m so sorry for your loss I waited a couple of months when I got counselling over the phone which helped a bit I’m glad I found this forum it will help to speak to people that are going through the same heartache.

Christine x

thanx so much christine is the phone counselling over the phone through this site or another, cant seem to find anything for that on this site.

Hi col
It was my partners work that gave me a number to phone.

Hello Col,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your Lisa. We offer online bereavement counselling via this website, where the sessions are held over video chat - a bit like Skype. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

If you would prefer to speak to a counsellor over the telephone, you might find that your GP is able to recommend a local service. Or, Cruse Bereavement Care may be able to help: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

I hope you find some comfort in this site. Do let me know if I can support you in any way.

Take care,
Eleanor

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Hi Col, your loss is so recent and still so raw. I lost my beautiful Bea nearly a year ago now, just 5 weeks after she started to feel poorly, after 45 years together. My wife could barely move towards the end but like your Lisa, she gave me the most wonderful smile when she managed to say goodbye. Etched onto my mind forever. I cried for months and still weep now and again. The tummy pain and chest pain was so much I thought I might die. Oh yes, the doc said cheerfully, that does happen, particularly with older people.
You are so lucky finding notes from your wife, keep them all. Like you, I found lots of tissues. I’ve left her coats and shoes etc where she left them, I might move them one day and maybe I won’t. They are a reminder of her existence.
Like you, I couldn’t remember our times together at first but the memories do come back. Even the ones you’d forgotten about whilst she was alive. Occasionally I ‘see’ my wife - not as a manifestation but my memory throws an image of her into the surroundings. It’s just a flash and she’ll say something, which I’m sure is what my mind tells me what she would say. Recently, I’d done 6 days straight of gardening (I hadn’t done any for a year) and I was really tired and said ‘oh Bea, I’m so tired’. And there she was, in a deck chair with a glass of wine and said ‘Stop moaning. At least you’re still alive.’ Which made me laugh out loud.
I didn’t dream about her for months either but now I do.
I’m ‘coping’ now. The shock and devastation has eased and I don’t hate trees anymore. (They are older than my wife) - weird eh?
I can listen to music again without weeping - they’re all love songs and I think about her every day.
Col, our lives have completely changed. We’ll never get over the loss of our loved ones, we just get better at coping with our loss.
Take care and don’t hit the bottle too hard.
Haitch

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thank you so much for your words and i am so sorry for your loss. i am looking forward to the days when i can think of her or see a photo of her and not cry, i know they will come

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