Little boy lost

Hi first of all let me apologize in advance for my spelling and grammar mistakes,

I am 52 years old and lost my dad when I was four. The first time I remember that he had gone was when my uncle collected me and my sister from school, it was dark, raining we entered our house straight into my father’s wake. I suppose it was the way things were done back in the early 70’s.

With many promises from grown ups saying how they would look after us, and never seeing them again, perhaps the odd birthday or Christmas card.

Unfortunately I didn’t get any sort of encouragement from my mum, and although she fed, clothed, and kept a roof over our heads, things were very tough and she struggled with money, I unfortunately became her release valve with constant hitting, public humiliation, and verbal put downs.

I left home at 16 moved to London, worked for 30 years, diagnosed with MS in 2004 I had to give up work in 2012
On antidepressants since 1990, and endless rounds of the 8 meeting CBT therapy. I have never been able to have any kind of long term relationship, trust and abandonment issues abound.

So here I am, there is so much more to say, inside still that little 4 year old boy running round in circles with no direction.

Little boy lost

I know that most of the posts on here are very recent and raw, it is not my intention to upset people. I just wanted to share my story and believe me it’s A very condensed version of my life so far.

I am not hoping that anyone has had to go through this or similar, I’m just reaching out

Thanks for reading

Hi Reg,

Thank you for sharing and reaching out. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your dad at such a young age and have faced a number of struggles in your life since then. It’s understandable that losing your dad has had such an impact on you - trying to cope with a significant loss at four years old must have been confusing and difficult.

You’re not alone in this community - there are many others who have lost a parent recently or some time ago who will understand how you feel.

Please keep talking to us as long as it’s helpful and do keep in mind our free bereavement counselling service if you need some additional support.

Take care,