Little lost in the world

I feel so lost now he has gone. What do you do with your self after 47 years together. I feel like I’ve lost part of my soul. Days are long night are lonely and long.


I feel exactly the same, I really struggle to find anything to do, no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything, just watch Netflix or play iPad games, such a waste of life really, I know Linda wouldn’t want me to suffer so. I go to bed at 2am, get up at 2pm, partly due to meds and partly seems to work for me, just have to be kind to myself. Been 9 months since my Linda left me, not got any easier yet, just keeping my head a live water.
Thinking if you and sending you strength


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***[quote=“Trace10, post:1, topic:50240, full:true”]
I feel so lost now he has gone. What do you do with your self after 47 years together. I feel like I’ve lost part of my soul. Days are long night are lonely and long.

Thank you it’s been 7 month since I lost mark. He had oesophagus cancer. At the moment it get up eat try sleep repeat thank you for your lovely replay


It really turns our world upside down, I describe this as existing, not living. Not sure the pain will ever go away, just get easier to manage life. Am 69 no friends, live alone, with occasional family visits. Such a lonely horrible life. Let’s both hope, that we may better manage our new reality sometime soon x


Hi Tracey

I’m 53 and I to lost my husband age 58 to oesophageal cancer. He was told for months it was long Covid, 5 months later he was diagnosed. I’m finding it very hard to come to terms with it, as he was so fit and operable; even though it was 5 months after first going to the doctors. Unfortunately after the port o cath was fitted and before chemotherapy could start he got pneumonia then a malignant pleural effusion which deemed him palliative. He passed 3 weeks later.

My husband also had cancer of the Oesophagus. We had no idea that he had this until it was too late to do anything about it. He had chemotherapy to prolong the time he had left but he was so ill during that time. He managed to survive for a year after his diagnosis. We were married for 40 years and I am totally lost without him. I suffer from anxiety which starts first thing in the morning when I wake up. I am taking antidepressants but everything is still so hard. It will be 3 years at the end of October since I lost him.
In February my mother in law passed away and I have lost that last link to him. I am struggling to come to terms with everything and I’ve hit rock bottom again.
During 2019 my father also died in the February, my husband in October and my mother died in the December.
I am retired and I try to keep busy helping my children with childcare, gardening etc, but they have their own lives to live. There are lots of times when I am alone and these times are so hard.
I can see from the discussions on this forum that I’m not the only one that has suffered from losses and that there are a lot of people feeling the same way.
I send condolences to everyone and I’m so sorry for your losses.

Hi, my husband died of the same cancer, he managed to have the big operation but sadly passed away also from a malignant pleural infusion.

I was 52 my husband 60.

I still struggle with how fast everything happened and how quickly the end came.

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Cancer of the oesophagus is a horrible and painful cancer. My husband was 62 when I lost him.


What makes it worse for me is that he kept going to the doctors saying he wasn’t right and had chest pains and couldn’t eat as it was hurting his chest but it took 5 months to be referred and diagnosed. If he had been referred in the first place , I really believe he would still be here. The tumour when discovered was 6 cm but had obviously grown in the 5 months

Hi Alison

The doctor was shocked when eventually diagnosed. He was so healthy and fit, I’m finding it very hard to come to terms with it. Miss him so much the pain is unbearable.


You certainly have had a lot to deal with. My mother in law passed 17 months prior to my husband, we couldn’t be with her due to lockdown. That was horrendous for the family and only 15 were allowed at her funeral.

Yes it is indeed a very aggressive cancer, I’d never heard of it before but it does seem to becoming more common unfortunately in younger men.

I felt totally out of my comfort zone when it was all going on, definitely felt too young to know how to cope with it all.

I’ve judged myself a lot with what I didn’t do, did do etc… but think I’m finally feeling I did ok in the circumstances.

My dad died 6 months before my husband, I can’t believe I’m still here!

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Hi Sharon
Yes, that’s just what happened to us. I agree the pain is so hard to cope with.

Hi Flower

Totally agree with you. I feel that I should have realised he was ill before the diagnosis, I was also out of my comfort zone. I just felt that something like this wouldn’t happen to us.
Sorry to hear that you also lost your father. Yes, I can’t believe I’m still here too.

Thank you Alison.

Hi Sharon. Oesophagus cancer is a terrible one it’s stripped him bear. My husband was a builder very fit 16 stone when he died he was below nine stone. He put up a good fight in the two years went through every hoop to stay here but got him in the end. Many dark days many dark nights Sharon. Covid has a lot to answer for. I hope you have a good family around you because you do need them. Although they don’t always see what you’re going through behind closed doors. Trace

It was my husband been together 47 years. First boyfriend and I married him. Love of my life. Lost part of my soul when he went.

I wish, many have deserted me and yet others have provided me with a shoulder, people who I never thought would be there.

Hello @Trace10 @SharonD12 @alison57 @Flower_garden I’ve only recently joined this forum and this thread one of the first. I am also a widow to oesophageal cancer. After 30 years together I lost my partner 18 months ago. A late diagnosis and rapid decline, in the middle of covid lockdowns, was devastating. I think I’ve been in shock since, now the horrible realisation that this is my life now, on my own and heartbroken. I’m so sorry to read your stories too. Sending love to you all xx