living a different life

I hate having to live this different life, it’s not a new life without my lovely Alan, it’s not the life we lived together, it’s a whole new different life, a different life I’ve been forced to live without him.

I didn’t want to begin a different life, it was forced upon me, and mow I’m faced with building on this different life, yet it is still very difficult, i don’t want to let go of the life i had known throughout our life together which spanned 52 years, 50 of those as husband and wife. now I’m faced with rebuilding my life, but it’s not rebuilding the life we had together, it’s not about building upon the life we planned for our retirement years together, it’s not about building a new life alone it’s about building a different life alone, a different life that keeps my memories, my love and my dreams, even though my dreams will go unfulfilled I keep them alive, they’re always in my heart. this different life I’ve been forced to live will keep my Alan’s memory alive in everything I do, everything I think and everywhere I go.

please accept my apologies for my late night ramblings. it’s at this time of the evening I get these deep thoughts and feelings.

night God bless everyone

truly hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

blessings
jen ☆

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It is so hard living this new life, I know because I am trying to make sense of it myself. My feelings are the same just lost without the person I loved and shared everything with. We are forced to live a different life and it is very hard. I try to be positive for my family but inside I’m falling apart. I just try to do a day at a time. No need to apologise we all understand.

thank you June, I am having a little more better days than bad days, but still have gut wrenching days from time to time. I try to live the best way I can for the moment.

as you say, it’s not easy, i feel acceptance sometimes but not always, still rollercoaster days although I feel I’m progressing in a way.

the thing I find the most daunting is having to make all the decisions without being able to discuss them with Alan first, I do talk to him, all the time, and it does help.

hope today was an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

blessings
Jen ☆

Dear Jen, I feel exactly the same. I didn’t want this life. It’s so hard to be alone, to feel unmoored, not to have the person I have shared the greater part of my life with here with me any more. And I know that I’m lucky compared with some, because I have friends and family, pretty good health and sufficient means to live well enough. Plus my dog and my cat who make every day more bearable, especially at weekends.

It’s still hard and takes quite a bit of courage and stoicism to just carry on and I think those of us who manage to look as if we’re ‘doing well’, as people sometimes say, should give ourselves due credit. It amazes me that there are so many of us just carrying on like this, just coping. It shouldn’t do, but I just never really thought about it before because i didn’t have to.

I don’t know how long it’s been for you, Jen, but for most of us the coping gets a bit easier over time. It’s 18 months for me now. Nowhere near feeling really ok but more used to this unwanted life, filling my time with activity as far as possible but taking time to relax too, and that’s some sort of progress. Keeping my love in my heart, keeping him close every day, and carrying on.

Wishing you all the best.

Alison xx

afternoon Alison, my husband passed away 19th May 2018, 17 months next Saturday, some days I cope really well then other days I struggle, thankfully the better days are becoming more frequent, even so, I still have some really bad days.

nothing can prepare us for this and we have to find what best works for us as individuals. had a particularly bad afternoon yesterday, just happened out of the blue.

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

blessings
Jen☆

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